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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

head or heart ?

Currently feeling: Damn sleepy !
Currently listening to: Breathe Me - Sia


Taking a break from working on my head-cracking case presentation.

You Follow Your Heart


You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional.
You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly.
Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you.
You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature.
Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind


Err ?

So, do you follow your head or your heart?

xoxo

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

juara lagu.

Currently feeling: Sleepy
Currently listening to: Summer Love - Justin Timberlake


This song is indeed very beautiful. Overplayed, in my opinion, but still beautiful.




Itu Kamu

Segala yg ku pasti akan aku capai tuk mengambil hati mu
Melepasi angkasa cinta ku
Sesudah aku melafazkan kesemua yang diperlu
Ianya seperti suluhan yang terang

Segala yg kau ragui akan ku padam habis dari hati mu
Mengingkari dalaman akal mu
Takkan puas ku, mengiringi semua tawa dan tangisan mu,
Anggun wajahmu, pelita yg terang

Hatiku mahu mu
Rupa mu
Masih masih masih masih

Kau terindah

Masih ada

Yang tercantik
"Itu Kamu"

Tiada mengapa taupun sampai bila kerna cinta enggan kenal mengalah
Memanah masuk hatiku yang reti
Setelah kau nampak tetap ku masih menunjukkan erti hidupku
Yang mahu bersama kau buat selamanya



xoxo

Monday, January 28, 2008

jigsaw.

Currently feeling: Guilty
Currently listening to: Lifeline - Brooke Fraser


I just want to rant.

My life's like a jigsaw puzzle with so many broken missing pieces.
What's missing ?
I wish I knew.

Nobody really knows me.

As humans, making mistakes are inevitable.
But there are certain circumstances which I feel that you can avoid, that you have the power to control and steer away from doing what you know is wrong.
You know, yet when it's done there's no way of undoing it.

You can tell me nobody's perfect.
I'll tell you I don't want perfection, I just want maturity and integrity.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
It's silly to forsake a family/friend just because he/she does not have the same principles as you do.
I believe you should live your life the way you want to, at the same time knowing your boundaries, because you'll never get a second chance at living.

I still have bouts of insecurities every now and then.
Which is absurd, I know.
I know for a fact that I can do better. That worrying about what he thinks/feels is a plain waste of my precious time.
I deserve better, don't I ?

I miss Mummy.
Somebody shoot me, please ?

I just want somebody to hold me, say the words 'I love you', and mean it.
It doesn't have to be from the opposite sex.

Forgive me for being so petty.
There's a saying that when you start to judge someone, you have no time to love that someone.
Then maybe I'd just stick with having no time.

I don't really like myself that much do I ?
There's always something lacking.
Something amiss. Something not good. Not Never good enough.

Not to mention that I haven't been a very good friend.
As a matter of fact I think I suck as a daughter/sister too.
Shoot me again, please ?

Heath Ledger's passing is sad. Real sad.

Funny thing, these feelings have a way of twisting my whole life upside down. I can be floating on cloud nine for a minute and in another, I'd be lying down flat on my face.

This world's full of plasticity and lies.

I'm tired.
This is not PMS.

xoxo

when's my turn ?

Currently feeling: Guilty
Currently listening to: Lost On The Stoop - Daniel Powter


It was a very touching occasion when one of my best friends got engaged last Saturday.
I shed happy happy tears !
It's good to finally see her with someone who deserves her.


My gorgeous babe.

With Mel. She's pregnant already !


Akey.

Heart you both.



Congratulations, Yus darling !
Let's pray this one lasts. Aamin.

On that same night, a schoolmate of mine, Fattima had her wedding, which was a really nice affair. Congratulations Tim ! Here a few snapshots from that night.










So yeah, when's my turn ?
Heee.

It's funny how these things are.

You can be planning your life with one person for years, and end up spending the rest of your life with another.
Hmm.

xoxo

Saturday, January 26, 2008

syrup and bandung.

Currently feeling: Melancholic
Currently listening to: Never Again - Justin Timberlake


Good morning people.
The lack of updates here is due to the current hectic and exhausting situation of my final semester.
It's all about cases, day in day out. Case report, case clerking, case discussion, case presentation ! Argh.
Every day by the time I get back from school, I'd be lying 'dead' on my bed for a couple of hours. But then after that it's back to work again la kan. Sigh.
But I'm very grateful for where I am right now and I won't change a thing about anything.
I'd just have to grin and bear it for now.

Last Saturday, my faculty organized a futsal tournament and I was one of the so-called cheerleaders for my class teams. We only had a few hours of practice the night before and along with our unattractive pom-poms (Zana calls them anorexic pom-poms), we performed and lost. Hee.


During cheer practice. Hehe.

The 'cheerleaders'.


ROFL.

With Zana.

The male team. They were good, but unfortunately they lost.

Zana, Yamin and I.

Halmy ! I think he secretly wanted to be in the cheerleading team. Hee.


Ayu, Zana and Juju.


Half of the girls' team. They won second place yo !


Yus will be getting engaged later.
I have a wedding to attend tonight.
It feels good to be home. Even for awhile.

This semester is teaching me (and the rest of my classmates) to be more patient and stronger I guess. I think we'd be dealing with a whole lot more in the working world.

Gosh, this song is so sad.

Oh yeah, SWEENEY TODD IS A MUST WATCH !

Until my next boring post, take care everyone.

xoxo

Thursday, January 17, 2008

polar bear.

Currently feeling: Sick
Currently listening to: Sunburn - Muse

This week is the first of my 8 week hospital clinical clerkship in which we'd be spending every Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at different wards, clerking cases and reporting them.
This week me and my partner, Ayu were placed at the HTAR Psychiatric ward. It was an very interesting experience. Despite what happened yesterday. Click to read, please. (P/S: Daddy cracks me up !)


Polar bear ! Haha.
So yeah, yesterday was scary. Yet, interesting. To be able to talk to these patients, learn how to deal with them when they become aggresive (or try to kiss you) was such a valuable lesson for me. I felt so sad talking to one particular patient who was in her depressive episode of her bipolar disorder. She was thinking too much about her financial and family problems. To think that it can happen to any one of us. So you people out there, if you feel that you're troubled or distressed (even about the slightest things, there were patients who were admitted just because of boyfriend problems), do talk it out with a family member or a friend, at least. Even if they can't help you physically, at least they're doing you a favor, mentally and emotionally. Don't keep it all in !

Last Saturday, the family and I were at Aunt Maziey's place for lunch and dinner. In between that we had a karaoke session. A 7 hours one ! Heee.
From Yesterday Once More to I'm A Slave For You to Seberapa Pantas, we (the cousins) had a great great time. Daddy showed off his talent too, with a few renditions of the oldies.


Singing makes me happppyyyyy !

Currently not feeling so well. This semester has been so taxing. Yes, it has only been three weeks.
Sigh.

Pimples galore ! Ergh.
Menses.
Hmm.

While I was taking a nap this evening, this guy from my class showed up in my dream. We were together. Funny. No one would guess that I would dream of him. Haha. Kelakar nak mampus.

I desperately need to lose weight. Help ?

xoxo

Saturday, January 12, 2008

dearest akhiriatul hafliza.

Currently feeling: Sad
Currently listening to: You Have Been Loved - Sia


My bestest friend in the whole wide world,


HAPPY
24TH
BIRTHDAY !!

Love you love you love you so very much !

xoxo

Friday, January 11, 2008

some days you just feel stupid.

Currently feeling: Cold
Currently listening to: Don't Bring Me Down - Sia


Today witnessed me giving my worst presentation ever in my whole 6 years of being a pharmacy student.

Hmm.

Screw that.
It's a learning process, right ?

I never thought I was cut out to be in this line, anyway. I never wanted to be a pharmacist. I'm not as intelligent as others. I'm not as articulate as others. I'm not a fast learner.

Sigh.

Enough of self criticism la kan.
It won't do me any good.

But I do know one thing I can do.
Sing.
Not as good as Mariah or Aguilera.
But good enough for me.
So, I'd be singing all my heartbreaks away for the rest of my life.

I love this song.

xoxo

Thursday, January 10, 2008

1429.

Currently feeling: Indescribable
Currently listening to: How Many Times, How Many Lies - The Pussycat Dolls


Salam Maal Hijrah 1429 everyone.
Let's take this opportunity to berhijrah to being a better human being. InsyaAllah.

Started out a little rough.
Felt like the most obtuse loser person to have ever walked this earth.
Ashamed. Used. Useless. Low.
I won't be trusting anytime soon.
I won't be falling anytime soon.
Maybe never ?
Let this be lesson for me.

But I hope believe there are better days ahead for me. InsyaAllah, Aamin.

I'm not gonna let you break my spirit.

xoxo

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

swollen eyes.

Currently feeling: Fucked Up
Currently listening to: How Many Times, How Many Lies - The Pussycat Dolls


Although what was told wasn't a big surprise, it still hurt as though someone had just taken a gun and shot the life out of me.
The "How could you ??", "What did I do wrong ??", "What wasn't enough ??", "How could I have been so blind (and stupid) ??" questions are steadily running around in my head.

xoxo

how many times, how many lies.

Currently feeling: Fucked Up
Currently listening to: How Many Times, How Many Lies - The Pussycat Dolls


They would try to tell me something
Oh, but I was hearing nothing
When they said you was just playing me
I didn't listen
I didn't want to
You couldn't find a blinder fool
I'm here
Searching through the wreckage
Wondering why the message never got through
And I found I misplaced all my faith
How could I put my faith in you?

How many times?
How many lies?
How long you been sneaking?
How long you been creeping around?
How many lies?
How many times?
Were you here deceiving
While I was here believing in you


I've got to put the blame on myself
Should've known with everyone else
Just knowing they knew you was just bad news
I should've walked out (I should've walked out)
I should've seen clear (I should've seen clear)
I'm glad your sad ass is out of here
I've gone and thrown out all the records
All the ones that ever reminded me of you
I've gone and tore up all the pictures
'Cause there was not one shred of truth

There were so many times
There were so many lies
I don't know why I stayed on you
There were so many days
There were so many games
I should've thrown your sad ass out
I'm like the dumbest fool
I'll never trust in you
I've finally got wise
I opened up my eyes
Your game is over

I opened up my eyes

xoxo

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

pending.

Currently feeling: Pained
Currently listening to: Through The Dar
k - KT Tunstall

Can someone explain to me what the hell is going on with Maxis/Hotlink ?
Ergh.

My back hurts.

xoxo

spree.

Currently feeling: Cold
Currently listening to: Memories - Eisley

Okay so I concede.
Shopping does lift your spirits up sometimes.
I don't do much of it but when it happened (not so) recently, I have to admit it was a pretty delightful experience.
Thank you.

As I have mentioned previously, my class organized a Meta Analysis Workshop last weekend and I was one of the speakers.
Initially I was pretty hesitant about the whole thing because I wasn't familiar with the topic. And as usual, I was lazy. Heee.
But since I've already agreed to do it, and people were counting on me, it was my responsibility to at least try.
It wasn't that bad, Alhamdulillah.
In the words of Prof. Zaki, "That was good. I was impressed."
Bangga okay. Haha.


I had to skip classes yesterday as Daddy, Marc and I had to attend a hearing pertaining to Mummy's property etc.
Even though I got a bit emotional during the hearing ( ), Alhamdulillah, things went well for us.
It felt good to see Daddy looking so relieved.

I had a medical abbreviations' test just now. I think I only answered 3/4 of it. I can't believe I forgot what PTH stands for. Heee.

I have another test this Friday.
And a presentation.

So yeah, I haven't had time to sit down and blog.
Or do my usual Facebooking or Friendstering.





Hmm.



Wish me luck people.


xoxo

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

ugly emotions.

Currently feeling: Blue
Currently listening to: Bitter End - Dixie Chicks


Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.
Someone just found out there's class today and there's no way that someone would be in time for it.
Someone dreads the fact of presenting this Saturday.
Someone just wants all the ugly emotions to go away.

What a great way to kick off the new year.

xoxo

reasons.

Currently feeling: Melancholic
Currently listening to: Helpless When She Smiles - Backstreet Boys


It's best that I get down to making that list.

xoxo

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

resolutions.

Currently feeling: Melancholic
Currently listening to: Seven Whole Days - Toni Braxton


My final semester (insyaAllah) started yesterday but it seems that my mind and body still haven't tuned into the study mode.
I'm in the mood for more bumming around.

I have some sort of a meta analysis workshop this weekend (from Friday to Sunday actually), and I'm one of the presenters. I'm gonna have to talk on How To Appraise A Clinical Paper which I know nothing about. *slaps head*
I am nowhere near ready for the whole thing.
Blah.

The whole family was at home last night for New Year's eve. I didn't feel like doing anything/going anywhere, plus Daddy is (still) not well.

I was out with Heikal yesterday evening and we watched Alvin and The Chipmunks (haha). It was cute !
The night before that, we watched The Golden Compass. I have not read the book so I can't comment on how close the movie follows it. I wasn't expecting much, but I kinda enjoyed the movie and I am looking forward to watching the rest of the trilogy.

Marc is moving into a place which is only a block away from mine. Hehe.

I have never been good with resolutions, yet I still have a few this year. I hope I'd follow through this time.

xoxo