Ramadhan is nearing its end I feel like I have not accomplished what I set out to do during this holy month.
I am far from perfecting my Qur'an reading skills, I haven't been giving as much as I should and I find myself more consumed by worldly matters as the days go by. *nangis*
But there's still a couple more days before Syawal, so I plan to make the most out of it, InshaAllah.
Work has been okay, Alhamdulillah.
I have found out the hard way that handling procurement of drugs (read: medications, not illegal drugs) is tough ! Now I know what my ex-colleagues who were in charge of a pharmacy store were stressing about most of the time. The past 8 months has seen me making mistakes, and learning from them. Sometimes I do feel like a total failure (sob, sob), but I have to keep reminding myself that mistakes are inevitable especially when you're new. I shall strive to provide better after this, especially next year after this year's drug tender contract ends. Ameen.
On a completely different note, I discovered that I am nearsighted, about 5 months ago. Isk isk. I think it's partly due to owning a smartphone ! Honestly, I always thought that my perfect vision would last me a lifetime (hahaha) because both Daddy and arwah Mummy only had to wear glasses when they were in their 40's to 50's. Hmm. I guess that's what you get when you take Allah's luxuries for granted. Isk isk.
How are your Raya plans this year ?
Mr. Sunshine and I had planned to spend Raya eve in Gombak this year, since we've been in Batu Pahat for the past two years. But due to unforeseen circumstances, we'd be in Batu Pahat again this year. I don't want to elaborate much on the whys and whatnots because it'll only trigger my lacrimal glands to produce massive amounts of tears. I hope I can keep my calm while we're there.
Next year, InshaAllah we'll celebrate Raya in Gombak. It has been 6 years since arwah Mummy passed on, and that's how long we've never actually celebrated Raya.
Oh, how I miss Mummy. :'(
And with that said, I have lost my mood to blog.
Bye.
xoxo
Showing posts with label emo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emo. Show all posts
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Monday, July 09, 2012
khayla's hfmd chronicles.
Day 1 (Friday, 29/06/2012)
1400 hours - I received a phone call from the nursery, telling me that Khayla was having high grade fever. I rushed home to pick her up. She was bloated because she refused to eat the whole morning.
1900 hours - Her fever subsided after we inserted a Paracetamol suppository.
2130 hours - Tried to put Khayla to sleep but she would only go to bed for 5-10 minutes and then wake up crying as if she was in pain. This happened all through the night ! We noticed that she was drooling and teething, so we assumed it was teething pain. I had my doubts because we've been through teething before, and it was never that bad.
Day 2 (Saturday, 30/06/2012)
0400 hours - We decided to bring her to Selayang hospital to check if there was anything wrong with her. At the hospital, her temperature was 37.7 degrees. The doctor sent us home claiming there was nothing wrong with my baby (and that "Mak dia yang risau je ni.").
0600 hours - Khayla was still waking up crying every 5- 10 minutes. She refused to anything the whole day, she would cry everytime I tried to put food in her mouth. Her lips were swollen and she was drooling excessively. I also noticed red spots on her lips that day. she wouldn't finish her bottle of milk. We gave her Paracetamol syrup every 6 hours to help ease her pain but it didn't seem to work. Saw tiny red spots (like petechia) all over her calves and thighs and arms.
2130 hours - Tried to put her to bed but the same thing happened, she would still sleep for 5-10 minutes and wake up crying.
Day 3 (Sunday, 01/07/2012)
1500 hours - Khayla still wasn't accepting solids, and only drank very little milk. Mr. Sunshine noticed white spots on her lower lip. We decided to bring her to a paediatrician. Unfortunately, the paediatric clinic (Klinik Pakar Kanak-Kanak Putra, Sungai Buloh) we wanted to go to was closed that evening, so we took her to the nearest hospital, which was Hospital Sungai Buloh.
1930 - Doctor examined Khayla's spots and ulcers on lips, and was certain it wasn't HFMD, he took a blood test to check whether it was a bacterial infection. Blood test came out normal and we were sent home with an antibiotic cream to apply on her body along with Vaseline to apply on her lips.
I refused to use both medications.
2130 hours - Khayla still had trouble sleeping, and was still in pain.
Day 4 (Monday, 2/7/2012)
0600 hours - Noticed that the spots on Khayla's legs and arms were lesser. Lips were still red, swollen with ulcers.
0900 hours - Brought her to Klinik Pakar Kanak-Kanak Putra in Sungai Buloh. The paediatrician took one look at Khayla's big toe and told me it was HFMD. Hmm. "This is a classic sign of foot & mouth," she told Mr. Sunshine and I. She examined Khayla's buttocks & genital areas & also her mouth. Her mouth was filled with red ulcers ! My poor Khayla, Mummy's terribly sorry for not noticing all those red spots IN your mouth. *nangis*
The paediatrician told us that Khayla must have been in tremendous pain before this, and after three days, a babies body will start generating antibodies to fight the Coxsackie virus. Isk isk.
She was prescribed with Diclofenac Sodium suppositories and Xylocaine drops to numb her mouth area so that she could feed easily.
She recommended that we feed her with cold liquids or vanilla ice cream to soothe her ulcers.
Day 5 to 8 (Tuesday to Friday) - Stayed at home to take care of Khayla. She would eat in small amounts. However, she finished a bowl of rice porridge on Thursday, woohoo ! Slept well starting Wednesday night, Alhamdulillah. No more spots and ulcers.
Sad to say, I did not get to snap any photos of Khayla's spots or ulcers as I was too busy attending to her.
Alhamdulillah, my baby is now well. She is still drooling (significantly lesser than before), but that's because she's teething. My baby's getting her molars !
A few HFMD tips that I can hand out:
1400 hours - I received a phone call from the nursery, telling me that Khayla was having high grade fever. I rushed home to pick her up. She was bloated because she refused to eat the whole morning.
1900 hours - Her fever subsided after we inserted a Paracetamol suppository.
2130 hours - Tried to put Khayla to sleep but she would only go to bed for 5-10 minutes and then wake up crying as if she was in pain. This happened all through the night ! We noticed that she was drooling and teething, so we assumed it was teething pain. I had my doubts because we've been through teething before, and it was never that bad.
Day 2 (Saturday, 30/06/2012)
0400 hours - We decided to bring her to Selayang hospital to check if there was anything wrong with her. At the hospital, her temperature was 37.7 degrees. The doctor sent us home claiming there was nothing wrong with my baby (and that "Mak dia yang risau je ni.").
0600 hours - Khayla was still waking up crying every 5- 10 minutes. She refused to anything the whole day, she would cry everytime I tried to put food in her mouth. Her lips were swollen and she was drooling excessively. I also noticed red spots on her lips that day. she wouldn't finish her bottle of milk. We gave her Paracetamol syrup every 6 hours to help ease her pain but it didn't seem to work. Saw tiny red spots (like petechia) all over her calves and thighs and arms.
2130 hours - Tried to put her to bed but the same thing happened, she would still sleep for 5-10 minutes and wake up crying.
Day 3 (Sunday, 01/07/2012)
1500 hours - Khayla still wasn't accepting solids, and only drank very little milk. Mr. Sunshine noticed white spots on her lower lip. We decided to bring her to a paediatrician. Unfortunately, the paediatric clinic (Klinik Pakar Kanak-Kanak Putra, Sungai Buloh) we wanted to go to was closed that evening, so we took her to the nearest hospital, which was Hospital Sungai Buloh.
1930 - Doctor examined Khayla's spots and ulcers on lips, and was certain it wasn't HFMD, he took a blood test to check whether it was a bacterial infection. Blood test came out normal and we were sent home with an antibiotic cream to apply on her body along with Vaseline to apply on her lips.
I refused to use both medications.
2130 hours - Khayla still had trouble sleeping, and was still in pain.
Day 4 (Monday, 2/7/2012)
0600 hours - Noticed that the spots on Khayla's legs and arms were lesser. Lips were still red, swollen with ulcers.
0900 hours - Brought her to Klinik Pakar Kanak-Kanak Putra in Sungai Buloh. The paediatrician took one look at Khayla's big toe and told me it was HFMD. Hmm. "This is a classic sign of foot & mouth," she told Mr. Sunshine and I. She examined Khayla's buttocks & genital areas & also her mouth. Her mouth was filled with red ulcers ! My poor Khayla, Mummy's terribly sorry for not noticing all those red spots IN your mouth. *nangis*
The paediatrician told us that Khayla must have been in tremendous pain before this, and after three days, a babies body will start generating antibodies to fight the Coxsackie virus. Isk isk.
She was prescribed with Diclofenac Sodium suppositories and Xylocaine drops to numb her mouth area so that she could feed easily.
She recommended that we feed her with cold liquids or vanilla ice cream to soothe her ulcers.
Day 5 to 8 (Tuesday to Friday) - Stayed at home to take care of Khayla. She would eat in small amounts. However, she finished a bowl of rice porridge on Thursday, woohoo ! Slept well starting Wednesday night, Alhamdulillah. No more spots and ulcers.
Sad to say, I did not get to snap any photos of Khayla's spots or ulcers as I was too busy attending to her.
Alhamdulillah, my baby is now well. She is still drooling (significantly lesser than before), but that's because she's teething. My baby's getting her molars !
A few HFMD tips that I can hand out:
- Once your child has contracted HFMD, there's nothing you can do but be there for him/her. Baby will be very clingy and restless. You will lose sleep and be exhausted. You've gotta be patient.
- The sores can be extremely painful, so for mothers who do not like the idea of giving your baby painkillers, please, please reconsider your options ! But only do so under a doctor's recommendation, ok ?
- Your baby will have trouble feeding but make sure to keep them hydrated with lots of liquids because the major complication of HFMD is dehydration. Don't worry so much about wanting them to finish that bowl of pasta you made. Make sure to check their nappies (babies should wet their nappies at least every 6- 8 hours)
- And lastly, it might be a good idea to bring your baby straight to a Paediatrician when you sense that something's not right,
rather than waste your time and energy bringing them to see inexperienced HOs and MOs.
Hah.
Ok bye.
UPDATE: Khayla did not get the virus from her nursery because appatently no other child there had similar symptoms, so she either got it from home or from the hospital when she was admitted.
- xoxo
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
cold sores galore.
I've been having back to back cold sore attacks since April 17. That's more than a month now. I have no idea what keeps on triggering the attack because I am trying my best to avoid chocolates (sigh !), nuts, sun exposure, extreme cold temperature, stress (!!) etc. I have been religiously popping multivitamins, vitamin B & C tablets, and making sure I don't skip meals.
How can I not be stressed when I have these ugly sores on my lips that people keep staring at and asking me about, and I haven't been able to kiss my daughter for so long ! Self esteem = ZERO.
Either there's a trigger factor that I have been missing out on, or that my immune system has gone haywire. My boss (a doctor) told me that it could be due to the fact that my body is under a lot of physical stress because I haven't been getting enough rest/sleep, have a baby to take care of and have to travel quite a distance to work every day.
SIGH !
For those of you who don't know what cold sores are, Google can help.
In a gist, cold sores (herpes labialis) are small, painful, fluid-filled blisters or sores that appear on the lips, mouth, or nose that are caused by the herpes simplex virus. It is transmitted through oral secretions or sores on the skin.Unlike most viral infections, this virus is not completely eliminated as they reside quietly in a dormant/latent stage in nerve sheaths until something triggers its active stage which causes blisters on the lips known as cold sores. There is no cure !
Cold sore attacks can be brought on by the following conditions:
I don't remember exactly when I had my first cold sore attack, but I know it was years ago, while I was doing my degree. My first outbreak was terrible because the doctor I went to see thought it was a bacterial infection and kept peeling my scab off, only to make it spread even worse ! After that, I have had one to three recurrences a year, but nothing like what I am experiencing now. :'(
Abu Hurairah R.A narrates Rasulullulah PBUH said,
So many people out there are suffering from far worse, so I need to stay positive !
I can do this.
xoxo
How can I not be stressed when I have these ugly sores on my lips that people keep staring at and asking me about, and I haven't been able to kiss my daughter for so long ! Self esteem = ZERO.
Either there's a trigger factor that I have been missing out on, or that my immune system has gone haywire. My boss (a doctor) told me that it could be due to the fact that my body is under a lot of physical stress because I haven't been getting enough rest/sleep, have a baby to take care of and have to travel quite a distance to work every day.
SIGH !
For those of you who don't know what cold sores are, Google can help.
In a gist, cold sores (herpes labialis) are small, painful, fluid-filled blisters or sores that appear on the lips, mouth, or nose that are caused by the herpes simplex virus. It is transmitted through oral secretions or sores on the skin.Unlike most viral infections, this virus is not completely eliminated as they reside quietly in a dormant/latent stage in nerve sheaths until something triggers its active stage which causes blisters on the lips known as cold sores. There is no cure !
Cold sore attacks can be brought on by the following conditions:
- General illness or changes in the immune system (from mild illnesses to serious conditions)
- Ultraviolet radiation
- Fatigue
- Physical or emotional stress
- Immunosuppression due to AIDS or such medications as chemotherapy or steroids
- Trauma to the affected area - my first attack this year (in February) was because Khayla bumped her head on my lips !
- Menstruation (hormonal changes)
.jpg) |
| Annisa and I with my cold sores on my lips. :'( |
I don't remember exactly when I had my first cold sore attack, but I know it was years ago, while I was doing my degree. My first outbreak was terrible because the doctor I went to see thought it was a bacterial infection and kept peeling my scab off, only to make it spread even worse ! After that, I have had one to three recurrences a year, but nothing like what I am experiencing now. :'(
Abu Hurairah R.A narrates Rasulullulah PBUH said,
"For every misfortune, illness, anxiety, grief, or hurt that afflicts a Muslim -even the hurt caused by the pricking of a thorn - Allah removes some of his sins."and
"There is no disease that Allah has created, except that He also has created its treatment."
So many people out there are suffering from far worse, so I need to stay positive !
I can do this.
xoxo
Friday, March 02, 2012
i feel like a failure.
Not a day goes by without me feeling terrible TERRIBLE about not being able to fully breastfeed Khayla until at least 6 months. My milk supply has decreased tremendously(!) after I was down with fever and food poisoning a couple of weeks ago. These days, the amount I can express in a day is less than the amount I could express per session before ! The exhaustion from traveling back and forth from Gombak to Shah Alam everyday is also taking a toll on my milk supply. Khayla gets upset whenever she breastfeeds, because there's just so little milk. To make matters worse, all the milk I have been collecting have gone down the drain because my freezer door wasn't shut tightly a few days ago. :'(
Khayla is mostly on formula now.
It's always heartbreaking to read harsh comments about mothers who don't breastfeed their babies. Some people can be really mean, or perhaps I'm just being over-sensitive. I have nothing against mothers who feed their baby with formula milk, I'm just extremely disappointed with myself. I guess I had my hopes up too high.
I feel so inadequate.
I need to constantly remind myself that it's ok to formula feed my baby. All my siblings and I were formula fed babies (after confinement).
I need to be grateful that I was able to fully breastfeed my baby for 4 months. Alhamdulillah.
I need to be thankful that Khayla is growing up healthily, tolerating milk and solids well.Alhamdulillah.
“Slowly, over time, I began to understand that my breastmilk was only one portion of Henry’s needs” (A Cup of Comfort for New Mothers: Stories that celebrate the miracle of life, 2009)
xoxo
Khayla is mostly on formula now.
It's always heartbreaking to read harsh comments about mothers who don't breastfeed their babies. Some people can be really mean, or perhaps I'm just being over-sensitive. I have nothing against mothers who feed their baby with formula milk, I'm just extremely disappointed with myself. I guess I had my hopes up too high.
I feel so inadequate.
I need to constantly remind myself that it's ok to formula feed my baby. All my siblings and I were formula fed babies (after confinement).
I need to be grateful that I was able to fully breastfeed my baby for 4 months. Alhamdulillah.
I need to be thankful that Khayla is growing up healthily, tolerating milk and solids well.Alhamdulillah.
Dearest Dian Khayla, Mummy is terribly sorry for not being able to provide you with the best milk. I love you and I promise to provide you with the best of everything else. InshaAllah.
“Slowly, over time, I began to understand that my breastmilk was only one portion of Henry’s needs” (A Cup of Comfort for New Mothers: Stories that celebrate the miracle of life, 2009)
xoxo
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
retention.
Hi, I'm still sad as hell about losing my photos.
Is this a sign that I should quit blogging ?
Mr. Sunshine says that I'm lucky that I still have my written posts, and to lose them is far worse.
I guess he's right.
Oh well.
xoxo
Is this a sign that I should quit blogging ?
Mr. Sunshine says that I'm lucky that I still have my written posts, and to lose them is far worse.
I guess he's right.
Oh well.
xoxo
Monday, December 26, 2011
i accidentally deleted all my photos !
Hello everyone, hope all of you are having a good day.
I'm currently mourning over the fact that I accidentally deleted ALL my photos which were uploaded on my blog. That's 4 years worth of memories ! So far there's no way of recovering them. *nangis*
I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm devastated.
OK bye.
xoxo
I'm currently mourning over the fact that I accidentally deleted ALL my photos which were uploaded on my blog. That's 4 years worth of memories ! So far there's no way of recovering them. *nangis*
I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm devastated.
OK bye.
xoxo
Saturday, November 19, 2011
i resign.
After 90 days of maternity leave and an extra day off, it was back to work for me last Monday. It felt as if it was my first day at work ever !
My memory of how to carry out work tasks were a bit fuzzy that day. Hehe.
I am currently recovering from a hectic past three weeks.
Marc and Linn were solemnized on Friday, November 11th, Alhamdulillah. Lene and I helped with the hantaran preparations. Their solemnization plans were kinda last minute, they got everything done within a month ! Phew ! Long story there, malas nak elaborate.
But Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly, and their reception will be held in February, InshaAllah.
Starting work also meant that I had to send Dian Khayla to a nursery/babysitter. We found a babysitter prior to Aidiladha but didn't have the time to send Khayla over for a 'trial period'. So we started sending Khayla there last Sunday.
I was so fortunate that Lene was still on her hols so she came over to help me with Khayla because Mr. Sunshine was away in Seremban for the whole week.
Surprisingly, leaving Khayla at the babysitter's was not as hard as I thought it would be. I guess all the mental preparation I had been doing worked !
Mental preparation - Repeat after me, "I have no choice, I have to work, and someone else has to take care of my baby. No two ways around it."
Just two days after taking care of Khayla, the babysitter sent me this:
I immediately broke down, my heart was aching to go pick Khayla up immediately. :'(
I can understand that it's not easy looking after Khayla, I'm exhausted everyday. But to give up just after a couple of days is heartbreaking. Sigh.
Since that text message, my mind wasn't at peace. I would go to work in the morning, wishing that it was 1700 hours already so that I can be with my baby again. It's like I'm letting my baby be taken care of by someone who was not sincere. :(
Mr. Sunshine and I are scouting for another sitter, but as at now we haven't found one. So we'd still have to send Khayla to the same person next week.
I'm trying my best not to worry too much. Not easy !
My situation at work is not helping either.
I haven't blogged about this before because I wanted it to be a surprise but looking at how things are right now, I might as well just tell the whole world what's going on. Haha. (fake laugh)
In June, I went for an interview for a Pharmacist post in UiTM and in August, just a week after Khayla was born, they told me I was offered the post in UiTM Shah Alam's Health Centre. Alhamdulillah. Sounds exciting doesn't it ?
Well, it was exciting until the director of the hospital I'm working at refuses to sign my pelepasan dengan izin application.
For those of you who don't get it, I'm working under the Ministry of Health (MOH), so in order to work with UiTM, I have to resign from MOH and if I want my three years of service in the government to be accounted for, I have to apply to be 'released with permission' a.k.a pelepasan dengan izin. I can just resign because resignation does not need anyone's approval but my three years of service will go down the drain.
I signed my resignation letter and pelepasan dengan izin application in early October and it hasn't been signed by her. She (the director) has no power to approve my application, MOH does, but I need her signature as my Ketua Jabatan. Her reason is that I have to complete my compulsory service which is ridiculous to me because I am not trying to run away from completing it, I am trying to continue the service in UiTM. Recently, after pharmacists were allowed to shorten our three-year compulsory service to one, I thought that would make things easier but nooooo, she still insists that I have to complete my compulsory service first. Sigh. It's absurd that after almost two months, my application hasn't even reached MOH yet !
After discussing with Mr. Sunshine and Daddy, I have decided to just resign. Tawar hati dah !
My three month's resignation notice ends on the 31st of December, so I'll start work in UiTM in January, InshaAllah.
I hope I'm doing the right thing, I hope it's what's best for me. Ameen.
Things are so overwhelming for me right now, physically, emotionally and mentally. I'm such a mess ! *nangis*
xoxo
My memory of how to carry out work tasks were a bit fuzzy that day. Hehe.
I am currently recovering from a hectic past three weeks.
Marc and Linn were solemnized on Friday, November 11th, Alhamdulillah. Lene and I helped with the hantaran preparations. Their solemnization plans were kinda last minute, they got everything done within a month ! Phew ! Long story there, malas nak elaborate.
But Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly, and their reception will be held in February, InshaAllah.
 |
| Mr. Sunshine and I. :) |
 |
| Faira, Aunty Maziey, Lene and I. |
 |
| Alhamdulillah. Welcome to the family, Linn ! :D |
 |
| The newlyweds. :) |
 |
| Family picture - Khayla was getting tired, hehe. |
I was so fortunate that Lene was still on her hols so she came over to help me with Khayla because Mr. Sunshine was away in Seremban for the whole week.
Surprisingly, leaving Khayla at the babysitter's was not as hard as I thought it would be. I guess all the mental preparation I had been doing worked !
Mental preparation - Repeat after me, "I have no choice, I have to work, and someone else has to take care of my baby. No two ways around it."
Just two days after taking care of Khayla, the babysitter sent me this:
I immediately broke down, my heart was aching to go pick Khayla up immediately. :'(
I can understand that it's not easy looking after Khayla, I'm exhausted everyday. But to give up just after a couple of days is heartbreaking. Sigh.
Since that text message, my mind wasn't at peace. I would go to work in the morning, wishing that it was 1700 hours already so that I can be with my baby again. It's like I'm letting my baby be taken care of by someone who was not sincere. :(
Mr. Sunshine and I are scouting for another sitter, but as at now we haven't found one. So we'd still have to send Khayla to the same person next week.
I'm trying my best not to worry too much. Not easy !
My situation at work is not helping either.
I haven't blogged about this before because I wanted it to be a surprise but looking at how things are right now, I might as well just tell the whole world what's going on. Haha. (fake laugh)
In June, I went for an interview for a Pharmacist post in UiTM and in August, just a week after Khayla was born, they told me I was offered the post in UiTM Shah Alam's Health Centre. Alhamdulillah. Sounds exciting doesn't it ?
Well, it was exciting until the director of the hospital I'm working at refuses to sign my pelepasan dengan izin application.
For those of you who don't get it, I'm working under the Ministry of Health (MOH), so in order to work with UiTM, I have to resign from MOH and if I want my three years of service in the government to be accounted for, I have to apply to be 'released with permission' a.k.a pelepasan dengan izin. I can just resign because resignation does not need anyone's approval but my three years of service will go down the drain.
I signed my resignation letter and pelepasan dengan izin application in early October and it hasn't been signed by her. She (the director) has no power to approve my application, MOH does, but I need her signature as my Ketua Jabatan. Her reason is that I have to complete my compulsory service which is ridiculous to me because I am not trying to run away from completing it, I am trying to continue the service in UiTM. Recently, after pharmacists were allowed to shorten our three-year compulsory service to one, I thought that would make things easier but nooooo, she still insists that I have to complete my compulsory service first. Sigh. It's absurd that after almost two months, my application hasn't even reached MOH yet !
After discussing with Mr. Sunshine and Daddy, I have decided to just resign. Tawar hati dah !
My three month's resignation notice ends on the 31st of December, so I'll start work in UiTM in January, InshaAllah.
I hope I'm doing the right thing, I hope it's what's best for me. Ameen.
Things are so overwhelming for me right now, physically, emotionally and mentally. I'm such a mess ! *nangis*
xoxo
Saturday, September 03, 2011
confinement blues.
Day 22 of confinement.
I am halfway through ! Alhamdulillah.
Mr. Sunshine is back in Kuala Berang as he starts work tomorrow, so it's me and Khayla at my in-laws.
I have got to admit that I'm not coping so well emotionally.
I think it's partly due to the lack of sleep which every new parent is bound to experience with a newborn.
I have been so accustomed to getting at least 7 hours of sleep every night before this, so adapting to 1 to 2 hours of sleep is tough !
Khayla is not the only baby in this house, because I have also had my share of crying spells. Sometimes I just break down for no obvious reason. Exhaustion maybe ?
It's painful not to have Mr Sunshine by my side because he is the one who has been my rock, comforting and consoling me without fail, rubs my back when I am nursing Khayla in the middle of the night, hugs me the minute he sees tears in my eyes and of course he is my partner in putting Khayla to sleep. :'(
Mr. Sunshine, if you're reading this, I miss you and I need you. *nangis*
I know I should be grateful to have my in-laws here taking care of me and trust me, I am ! But I am sure wives out there would understand how it is like being away from your husbands. Especially in times like these.
I hope I don't end up with post-partum depression.
22 days old Dian Khayla is doing good, Alhamdulillah.
She feeds, poops, pees, cries and sleeps every day. Hehe.
This year is my first year celebrating Eid as a mother, Alhamdulillah. I had to borrow my sister in-law's baju kurung this year as I foolishly didn't get one for myself (and Mr. Sunshine) and also because I can't fit into the one I brought from Kuala Berang.
Daddy, Marc, Lene and Linn came over on the third day of Eid and spent half a day here. :)
Here are a few of my Eid snapshots.
I pray for the strength to get through the days ahead. Ameen.
I need to stay strong for Khayla.
GOTTA
STAY
POSITIVE !
*nangis*
xoxo
I am halfway through ! Alhamdulillah.
Mr. Sunshine is back in Kuala Berang as he starts work tomorrow, so it's me and Khayla at my in-laws.
I have got to admit that I'm not coping so well emotionally.
I think it's partly due to the lack of sleep which every new parent is bound to experience with a newborn.
I have been so accustomed to getting at least 7 hours of sleep every night before this, so adapting to 1 to 2 hours of sleep is tough !
Khayla is not the only baby in this house, because I have also had my share of crying spells. Sometimes I just break down for no obvious reason. Exhaustion maybe ?
It's painful not to have Mr Sunshine by my side because he is the one who has been my rock, comforting and consoling me without fail, rubs my back when I am nursing Khayla in the middle of the night, hugs me the minute he sees tears in my eyes and of course he is my partner in putting Khayla to sleep. :'(
Mr. Sunshine, if you're reading this, I miss you and I need you. *nangis*
I know I should be grateful to have my in-laws here taking care of me and trust me, I am ! But I am sure wives out there would understand how it is like being away from your husbands. Especially in times like these.
I hope I don't end up with post-partum depression.
22 days old Dian Khayla is doing good, Alhamdulillah.
She feeds, poops, pees, cries and sleeps every day. Hehe.
This year is my first year celebrating Eid as a mother, Alhamdulillah. I had to borrow my sister in-law's baju kurung this year as I foolishly didn't get one for myself (and Mr. Sunshine) and also because I can't fit into the one I brought from Kuala Berang.
Daddy, Marc, Lene and Linn came over on the third day of Eid and spent half a day here. :)
Here are a few of my Eid snapshots.
 |
| Khayla with Atuk ! ;) |
 |
| Khayla with her Uncle and Aunts. :) |
 |
| My awesome in-laws. :) |
 |
| My everything. :) |
I pray for the strength to get through the days ahead. Ameen.
I need to stay strong for Khayla.
GOTTA
STAY
POSITIVE !
*nangis*
xoxo
Friday, July 22, 2011
send someone to love me.
Mr Sunshine and I went shopping for baby stuff yesterday after work. Bought a couple more pairs of baby clothes, a baby bathing tub, a bedding set, disposable diapers and a few other necessities.
I was pretty excited and surprisingly energized that there were even times I was the one telling Mr. Sunshine to rest and wait for me while I walked up and down the staircase of the departmental store looking for stuff. But of course he wouldn't leave me to do all that walking on my own. Hehe.
It's no surprise that all that energy I had fizzled just after 2 hours of shopping. Hehe.
There are some other things that I am planning to get before giving birth:
(All images are from Google Images)
1) A breast pump.
As I intend to breastfeed my baby exclusively, I wanted to get a dual pump. But considering the cost, I have decided to go with a single electric pump, the Medela Swing. The only problem or question that I have with a single pump is, will my other breast leak milk while I am pumping ? If it does, then wouldn't it be a total waste ? Should I get a cheaper manual pump to pump both sides ? *pening*
The main reasons that I have chosen Medela Swing is because of its 2 Phase Expression Technology, similar to Freestyle which has garnered so much positive reviews. Plus it can operate on batteries too, which I think would come in handy if I happen to be stuck in a jam or whenever there's a blackout. Hehe.
2) Nursing bras
I've only bought one pair of these so I definitely need more.
3) A nursing pillow.
I consider this a necessity because I am prone to have back pains and sore arms etc etc. Prevention is always better than cure. :D
I sure hope whatever we have purchased for Mini Mel is enough at least until I finish my confinement period.
Speaking of which, I will be in Batu Pahat after I give birth, InshaAllah. Mum in-law will be taking care of me and baby during my confinement. As much as I want to give birth in KL, near Daddy, Marc and Marlene, it's best that I deliver my baby as near as possible to my in-laws. Hence, Batu Pahat would be the wisest choice.
I've been having my good share of sleepless nights about this. I have never stayed over at my in-laws without Mr. Sunshine and that's something I've gotta prepare myself for because I can't expect Mr. Sunshine to take a whole month's leave to stay with me. He obviously has to go back to work.
Now don't take this the wrong way, my in-laws are great, but being away from Mr Sunshine (and Daddy, Marc & Lene) while I deal with postpartum pain, and the pressures of adjusting to being a new mum is something I am not sure I am capable enough to deal with. :(
I know it's all for the best, for both baby and I.
I hope the one week leave before my EDD will be approved.
I hope I get to go back in time to deliver my baby in Batu Pahat.
Ameen.
But at the end of the day, we can only plan. InshaAllah.
xoxo
I was pretty excited and surprisingly energized that there were even times I was the one telling Mr. Sunshine to rest and wait for me while I walked up and down the staircase of the departmental store looking for stuff. But of course he wouldn't leave me to do all that walking on my own. Hehe.
It's no surprise that all that energy I had fizzled just after 2 hours of shopping. Hehe.
There are some other things that I am planning to get before giving birth:
(All images are from Google Images)
1) A breast pump.
The main reasons that I have chosen Medela Swing is because of its 2 Phase Expression Technology, similar to Freestyle which has garnered so much positive reviews. Plus it can operate on batteries too, which I think would come in handy if I happen to be stuck in a jam or whenever there's a blackout. Hehe.
2) Nursing bras
3) A nursing pillow.
I consider this a necessity because I am prone to have back pains and sore arms etc etc. Prevention is always better than cure. :D
I sure hope whatever we have purchased for Mini Mel is enough at least until I finish my confinement period.
Speaking of which, I will be in Batu Pahat after I give birth, InshaAllah. Mum in-law will be taking care of me and baby during my confinement. As much as I want to give birth in KL, near Daddy, Marc and Marlene, it's best that I deliver my baby as near as possible to my in-laws. Hence, Batu Pahat would be the wisest choice.
I've been having my good share of sleepless nights about this. I have never stayed over at my in-laws without Mr. Sunshine and that's something I've gotta prepare myself for because I can't expect Mr. Sunshine to take a whole month's leave to stay with me. He obviously has to go back to work.
Now don't take this the wrong way, my in-laws are great, but being away from Mr Sunshine (and Daddy, Marc & Lene) while I deal with postpartum pain, and the pressures of adjusting to being a new mum is something I am not sure I am capable enough to deal with. :(
I know it's all for the best, for both baby and I.
I hope the one week leave before my EDD will be approved.
I hope I get to go back in time to deliver my baby in Batu Pahat.
Ameen.
But at the end of the day, we can only plan. InshaAllah.
xoxo
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
did they hear that ?
I am finding it hard to put into words how I am feeling right now.
It's the sucky after-feeling of when you've maxed out your energy meter by building up so much anxiety for something.
It's how your heart just can't stop keeping still after that something ends, yet your mind's just blank.
I'm not making sense, aren't I ?
xoxo
It's the sucky after-feeling of when you've maxed out your energy meter by building up so much anxiety for something.
It's how your heart just can't stop keeping still after that something ends, yet your mind's just blank.
I'm not making sense, aren't I ?
xoxo
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
not being able to meet you for the past year is unacceptable.
I miss you so very much. :'(
One year is just too long, toooooo long ! *nangis*
xoxo
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
she's almost 2 kilos now !
anx·i·e·ty [ang-zahy-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties.
1. distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.
2. earnest but tense desire; eagerness: He had a keen anxiety to succeed in his work.
3. Psychiatry . a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder. source
At 30 weeks pregnant, I am plagued with anxiety 24-7.
I am starting have second thoughts about delivering my baby in a government hospital, no thanks to my brief yet traumatizing (haha) maternity ward admission last week.
I doubt I am capable to withstand the pain which comes along with labour. I have a wayyy low pain threshold.
I am afraid that I would not be able to stop myself from screaming in pain and the nurses/doctor would get annoyed and angry at me and I would get depressed and that would lead to me not having enough energy to push and...............................
I am unsure whether I have it in me to be a good mother. I have never been good with babies. I don't even know the proper way to hold a newborn ! *gasps*
Don't get me wrong, I love babies, but I have never actually had to take care of one.
Ok, I should stop over-thinking things.
But these concerns of mine are normal, right ? RIGHHHHTTTTTT ??
.......................................
......................
.........
....
..
Mr. Sunshine has been away in Kelantan since yesterday and will only be back this Thursday, InshaAllah. As he goes on these work trips pretty often, I have gotten quite used to staying home alone.
This time around, I am slightly nervous, especially because my hospital bag is only halfway ready. We have packed all of the baby's necessities but as far as my essentials are concerned, there are a few more things I need to add in the bag.
 |
| Baby's clothes washed and dried. This is just to show how cute and tiny they are !! Hehe. |
My Hospital Bag checklist
Baby's essentials7 pieces of disposable diapers DONE
2 pairs of rompers DONE
1 pair of long sleeved top & bottom DONE
1 bottle of telon oil DONE
I pack of baby wipes DONE
1 piece of a hooded baby towel DONE
1 piece of a hooded baby blanket DONE
2 sets of mittens & booties DONE
1 set of baby toiletries DONE
1 piece of baby binder (I wonder if I should pack more) DONE
3 pieces of washcloths DONE
Mummy's essentials
2 pairs of blouses -
1 pair of socks DONE
2 pieces of kain batik DONE
3 pieces of nursing bras
1 pack of disposable panties (not too sure whether this will be enough) DONE
Toiletries - cleanser, toothbrush, toothpaste DONE except for my cleanser.
1 Towel DONE
1 pack of maternity pads (I packed my normal sanitary pads) DONE
1 pack of disposable breast pads DONE
1 sweater - I can't fit any of my sweaters anymore ! Haha.
1 instant hijab
Surah Yasin
Antenatal checkup record book
 |
Apparently I should have been done with the packing and the bag should be in the trunk of my car or somewhere near my house door, you know, just in case. *starts to panic*
I should give my back & head a rest right now before I hurt myself.
Goodnight.
xoxo
Saturday, May 28, 2011
"you're the worst."
You know you need a rescue when the mere fact that you're suffering from constipation makes you feel like a total failure.
It's just preposterous how a few snide remarks can leave you feeling miserable for so long.
xoxo
Monday, May 23, 2011
who do you think you are ?
Good morning.
I was awaken earlier than usual this morning, because I dozed off just after 2100 hours last night.
Mr. Sunshine was not even back from his futsal game at the time.
I felt so drained, albeit yesterday being the only first day of my working week. I had trouble sleeping the night before.
In addition to that, I came back from work, with tears in my eyes. And continued to cry until I fell asleep. :''(
Initially, I thought I knew for sure why I was bawling my eyes out, but as the night progressed, I was confused.
I was aware I should not let her words get to me, but I did.
So I ended up questioning myself. Doubting myself. I was overwhelmed. Last night was just so messed up.
Sigh.
But today is a new day, so I shall try to leave the past behind and brace myself for what's ahead !
Sound believable enough ? Haha.
Have a good week everyone !
xoxo
I was awaken earlier than usual this morning, because I dozed off just after 2100 hours last night.
Mr. Sunshine was not even back from his futsal game at the time.
I felt so drained, albeit yesterday being the only first day of my working week. I had trouble sleeping the night before.
In addition to that, I came back from work, with tears in my eyes. And continued to cry until I fell asleep. :''(
I was aware I should not let her words get to me, but I did.
So I ended up questioning myself. Doubting myself. I was overwhelmed. Last night was just so messed up.
Sigh.
But today is a new day, so I shall try to leave the past behind and brace myself for what's ahead !
Sound believable enough ? Haha.
Have a good week everyone !
xoxo
Thursday, March 17, 2011
so lonesome for you.
My medical leave has been extended until today. So that's a total of 5 days of leave, 7 if you add the weekend, but I'm working this weekend so it will be only 5 days for me.
I fell sick in the middle of the week, with an awful sore throat and flu. I am OK now, Alhamdulillah. Asam Jawa juice works wonders !
A week of medical leave might help me physically, but it's done almost nothing for me emotionally.
I don't think I'll be traveling back to Gombak anytime soon. :(
People keep telling me that I shouldn't be so stressed up because I am expecting. Some things are definitely easier said than done.
It has been raining non stop over here in Kuala Berang.
My heart has been as gloomy as the weather.
I am so blessed to have my Sunshine here with me. Alhamdulillah.
xoxo
I fell sick in the middle of the week, with an awful sore throat and flu. I am OK now, Alhamdulillah. Asam Jawa juice works wonders !
A week of medical leave might help me physically, but it's done almost nothing for me emotionally.
I don't think I'll be traveling back to Gombak anytime soon. :(
People keep telling me that I shouldn't be so stressed up because I am expecting. Some things are definitely easier said than done.
It has been raining non stop over here in Kuala Berang.
My heart has been as gloomy as the weather.
I am so blessed to have my Sunshine here with me. Alhamdulillah.
xoxo
Sunday, December 26, 2010
i feel like quitting my job.
Seriously, that's how I have been feeling for the past two weeks.
Mr Sunshine has received two text messages from me telling that, "Saya seriously nak berhenti kerja !" while I was at work.
I don't know what has gotten into me, but lately I have not been able to handle all the stress at work so well.
It could be due to the recent going ons in my life, with Daddy being unwell, with the distracting pain I have been enduring and of course, work itself.
Even one minuscule thought about work can make me soooo tensed up, I get worried that I might go crazy.
Take this morning for example, I woke up and work was the first thing that crossed my mind, I felt all the muscles in my body tighten while I stared at the ceiling trying to calm myself down.
I can burst into tears any time right now.
I'm happy for those of you who are at peace with your respective jobs and love doing it day in day out but I just can't say the same for myself.
I do not know how long I can go on faking smiles.
P.S: THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL YOU KIND THOUGHTS AND WELL WISHES HERE, ON FACEBOOK OR THROUGH THE PHONE ! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME ! YES, I MEAN YOU ! ;D
xoxo
Mr Sunshine has received two text messages from me telling that, "Saya seriously nak berhenti kerja !" while I was at work.
I don't know what has gotten into me, but lately I have not been able to handle all the stress at work so well.
It could be due to the recent going ons in my life, with Daddy being unwell, with the distracting pain I have been enduring and of course, work itself.
Even one minuscule thought about work can make me soooo tensed up, I get worried that I might go crazy.
Take this morning for example, I woke up and work was the first thing that crossed my mind, I felt all the muscles in my body tighten while I stared at the ceiling trying to calm myself down.
I can burst into tears any time right now.
I'm happy for those of you who are at peace with your respective jobs and love doing it day in day out but I just can't say the same for myself.
I do not know how long I can go on faking smiles.
P.S: THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL YOU KIND THOUGHTS AND WELL WISHES HERE, ON FACEBOOK OR THROUGH THE PHONE ! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME ! YES, I MEAN YOU ! ;D
xoxo
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
i don't want to be here.
Our modem decided to die on us last Sunday, so I'm blogging from my phone again.
We'll get a replacement modem by Saturday. Well that's what the guy at the IT store told Mr Sunshine.
No stable internet connection = no blog hopping = no Facebooking = no tweeting.
I was on medical leave yesterday and today because of this persistent headache that has been bugging me. For these past two days, I have been popping analgesics, rubbing axe oil all over my head and oversleeping.
I overslept to the extent I missed a call from my colleague this morning who wanted to check if I could come in to work today as her uncle passed away.
I only found out about it late this afternoon after I woke up. I'm feeling quite terrible now thanks to that. :'(
I have so much on my mind right now, but since I'm having my menses, I think it's just my hormones taking me for a ride.
So I'll keep my thoughts to myself.
xoxo
We'll get a replacement modem by Saturday. Well that's what the guy at the IT store told Mr Sunshine.
No stable internet connection = no blog hopping = no Facebooking = no tweeting.
I was on medical leave yesterday and today because of this persistent headache that has been bugging me. For these past two days, I have been popping analgesics, rubbing axe oil all over my head and oversleeping.
I overslept to the extent I missed a call from my colleague this morning who wanted to check if I could come in to work today as her uncle passed away.
I only found out about it late this afternoon after I woke up. I'm feeling quite terrible now thanks to that. :'(
I have so much on my mind right now, but since I'm having my menses, I think it's just my hormones taking me for a ride.
So I'll keep my thoughts to myself.
xoxo
Saturday, October 09, 2010
all in good time.
I just wasted a bucket worth of tears and two days feeling miserable.
I was walking back from work last Thursday when I decided to give the Ministry of Health's HR department a call. The minute I found out that both Mr Sunshine and my transfer applications were KIV-ed and that the next meeting to reconsider our applications would be at the end of the year, it was as if someone just hit me on the head but I did not feel pain.
I was in a daze.
I sat on the chair in my living room staring into space for about half an hour.
Then the tears started to fall. :'(
So many thoughts were running through my head, about Daddy and how cruel I thought the decision was because I submitted Daddy's IJN doctor's letter along with my application, about work and how it's slowly starting to suck, about my friends who I felt like I am gonna lose if I continue being miles away. :(
:'(
Honestly, I knew it was for the best. Because He always knows best.
But I just couldn't stop crying.
I felt bad for making Mr Sunshine see me in such a disappointing state.
He had ran out of comfort words for me.
He took me out for dinner at McDonald's that night, with intentions to cheer me up.
I had the new and delicious Black Pepper Spicy Chicken McDeluxe.
We ordered the large McValue meal which came with the much missed Spicy McShaker Fries ! Oh so sedap !!
I swear I felt so much better that night. Joking around with Mr Sunshine, watched Grown Ups after we got back, which was pretty hilarious by the way. :D
Thanks to Mr Sunshine and a few comforting words from my family and best friends, I was not crying anymore.
"I am okay, we're okay. This isn't that bad.", I thought to myself before I went to bed.
I thought wrong.
I woke up on Friday morning feeling as though I had a huge brick on my chest.
And the tears started to run (happily ?) down my cheeks.
I woke Mr Sunshine up and asked him all these ridiculous questions like, "I think it's (insert name)'s fault that our application was not approved, do you think so ? Yes it was !!" and said even more ridiculous things like, "I am not gonna be near to IKEA meatballs !!".
All that while crying like a baby.
I decided I needed to go out.
I forced Mr Sunshine to take me somewhere far, anywhere besides Terengganu, please !
Even better if we got to watch a movie !
And so he brought me to watch a movie.
At East Coast Mall, Kuantan !
Had a late lunch at Black Canyon Restaurant. This is our forth time there and we've never not enjoyed the food there.
Mr Sunshine ordered the American Fried Rice (I'm assuming it's Nasi Goreng USA, no ?)
And I had the super spicy and yummy Fettuccine with Seafood and Spicy Paste.
It tastes better than it looks like. Hehe.
We watched Eat, Pray, Love that evening.
Although my eyes were stinging and tired from all the crying I had been doing, I enjoyed the movie very much !
I can't say the same for Mr Sunshine, hehe, but I commend him for staying awake throughout the whole two and a half hours.
"Kalau girlfriend ajak tengok movie macam ini, mesti tak tengok punya," he told me.
What he meant was he watched it with me because I'm his wife and not just a girlfriend of his."
Yes, I found that sweet. :)
I have not read the book yet but I plan to do so soon. :)
The movie not only provided me with some of life's lessons that I needed, but also made me crave for spaghetti ! Hehehe.
Mr Sunshine, either he was being the darling he is or he was just afraid I was gonna end up in tears again (I choose to believe the latter), brought me to the nearest place we could have spaghetti at, which was Pizza Hut !
That's happy, tired and swollen-eyed me with my Spaghetti Bolognaise.
And to end the day, I treated myself to my favourite Baskin Robbins' Pralines and Cream ice cream !
Mr Sunshine went to great lengths to make me feel better and I love him so much for that.
I apologize for being such a nuisance, sayang. :(
At the end of the day, I realized that I have so much to be thankful for.
At least Mr Sunshine and I are living together, and not living in different cities.
I have a job. I have to learn to accept it with all its trials and challenges. Who am I to say that if I move to another place, things will be better ?
Ikhlaskan hati, Melissa.
I have daily internet access, I have a telly with Astro.
I never go hungry.
And even though I won't get my Nando's or IKEA meatballs over here, there's always McDonald's. Hehe.
This might not be the right time for us to move anywhere. We're not exactly in a stable financial situation to do so actually.
Staying here saves us from having to pay extra rent and fork out money for furniture.
I still can have extra snooze time in the morning before work if I want to, since the hospital's only a 5-minute walk away.
Our rezeki is still here, in beautiful Terengganu. :)
I need to start looking at all the good things that this place has to offer.
Allah knows what's best for us.
I won't deny that I am still sad, but grateful at the same time.
But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (Al-Baqarah 2:216)
So yeah, I am okay now. We're okay.
This isn't that bad. :)
xoxo
I was walking back from work last Thursday when I decided to give the Ministry of Health's HR department a call. The minute I found out that both Mr Sunshine and my transfer applications were KIV-ed and that the next meeting to reconsider our applications would be at the end of the year, it was as if someone just hit me on the head but I did not feel pain.
I was in a daze.
I sat on the chair in my living room staring into space for about half an hour.
Then the tears started to fall. :'(
So many thoughts were running through my head, about Daddy and how cruel I thought the decision was because I submitted Daddy's IJN doctor's letter along with my application, about work and how it's slowly starting to suck, about my friends who I felt like I am gonna lose if I continue being miles away. :(
:'(
Honestly, I knew it was for the best. Because He always knows best.
But I just couldn't stop crying.
I felt bad for making Mr Sunshine see me in such a disappointing state.
He had ran out of comfort words for me.
He took me out for dinner at McDonald's that night, with intentions to cheer me up.
I had the new and delicious Black Pepper Spicy Chicken McDeluxe.
We ordered the large McValue meal which came with the much missed Spicy McShaker Fries ! Oh so sedap !!
I swear I felt so much better that night. Joking around with Mr Sunshine, watched Grown Ups after we got back, which was pretty hilarious by the way. :D
Thanks to Mr Sunshine and a few comforting words from my family and best friends, I was not crying anymore.
"I am okay, we're okay. This isn't that bad.", I thought to myself before I went to bed.
I thought wrong.
I woke up on Friday morning feeling as though I had a huge brick on my chest.
And the tears started to run (happily ?) down my cheeks.
I woke Mr Sunshine up and asked him all these ridiculous questions like, "I think it's (insert name)'s fault that our application was not approved, do you think so ? Yes it was !!" and said even more ridiculous things like, "I am not gonna be near to IKEA meatballs !!".
All that while crying like a baby.
I decided I needed to go out.
I forced Mr Sunshine to take me somewhere far, anywhere besides Terengganu, please !
Even better if we got to watch a movie !
And so he brought me to watch a movie.
At East Coast Mall, Kuantan !
Had a late lunch at Black Canyon Restaurant. This is our forth time there and we've never not enjoyed the food there.
Mr Sunshine ordered the American Fried Rice (I'm assuming it's Nasi Goreng USA, no ?)
And I had the super spicy and yummy Fettuccine with Seafood and Spicy Paste.
It tastes better than it looks like. Hehe.
We watched Eat, Pray, Love that evening.
Although my eyes were stinging and tired from all the crying I had been doing, I enjoyed the movie very much !
I can't say the same for Mr Sunshine, hehe, but I commend him for staying awake throughout the whole two and a half hours.
"Kalau girlfriend ajak tengok movie macam ini, mesti tak tengok punya," he told me.
What he meant was he watched it with me because I'm his wife and not just a girlfriend of his."
Yes, I found that sweet. :)
I have not read the book yet but I plan to do so soon. :)
The movie not only provided me with some of life's lessons that I needed, but also made me crave for spaghetti ! Hehehe.
Mr Sunshine, either he was being the darling he is or he was just afraid I was gonna end up in tears again (I choose to believe the latter), brought me to the nearest place we could have spaghetti at, which was Pizza Hut !
That's happy, tired and swollen-eyed me with my Spaghetti Bolognaise.
And to end the day, I treated myself to my favourite Baskin Robbins' Pralines and Cream ice cream !
Mr Sunshine went to great lengths to make me feel better and I love him so much for that.
I apologize for being such a nuisance, sayang. :(
At the end of the day, I realized that I have so much to be thankful for.
At least Mr Sunshine and I are living together, and not living in different cities.
I have a job. I have to learn to accept it with all its trials and challenges. Who am I to say that if I move to another place, things will be better ?
Ikhlaskan hati, Melissa.
I have daily internet access, I have a telly with Astro.
I never go hungry.
And even though I won't get my Nando's or IKEA meatballs over here, there's always McDonald's. Hehe.
This might not be the right time for us to move anywhere. We're not exactly in a stable financial situation to do so actually.
Staying here saves us from having to pay extra rent and fork out money for furniture.
I still can have extra snooze time in the morning before work if I want to, since the hospital's only a 5-minute walk away.
Our rezeki is still here, in beautiful Terengganu. :)
I need to start looking at all the good things that this place has to offer.
Allah knows what's best for us.
I won't deny that I am still sad, but grateful at the same time.
But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (Al-Baqarah 2:216)
So yeah, I am okay now. We're okay.
This isn't that bad. :)
xoxo
Saturday, September 04, 2010
i got you babe.
Hello.
I am having trouble falling asleep.
I do not know whether it's because it's that time of the month, or because I have became accustomed to feeling blue whenever Aidilfitri is nearing since Mummy left.
I am secretly afraid of not being able to programme myself to be happy around Mr Sunshine's family at Raya. It's not that they're bad people or anything (they have been great, Alhamdulillah). But I guess this takes getting used to, because I have not even gotten used to Raya without Mummy around, plus the fact I have never been this far apart from my family my entire life.
Oh yeah, and I am having my period now which means I am not pregnant. Yet.
I know I have seemed pretty cool about it all this while but it's really, really, really starting to get to me. Like, is there something wrong with me ? I feel like I am disappointing not only myself but everyone around me.
Mr Sunshine especially. :(
I am all torn up inside right now.
But as Mr Sunshine always say to me, "Semuanya datang dari Allah SWT."
I know this is so cliche, but everything does happen for a reason.
So,
I shall try not mope around this year during Raya.
I shall try not to worry about things I cannot control.
I shall try not to take insignificant people's words or actions to heart.
I shall try not to stress myself up over petty things. - This one is the toughest of 'em all !
I should be appreciating the fact that this year will be the first year Mr Sunshine and I will be celebrating Aidilfitri as husband and wife. InshaAllah. Alhamdulillah.
And that I still have my family around even they are miles away. Alhamdulillah.
This better be just my hormones messing around with me.
I've gotta get to bed, Mr Sunshine and I have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.
Goodnight.
P.S: Raya cookies status ? Almost gone. Hehe.
xoxo
I am having trouble falling asleep.
I do not know whether it's because it's that time of the month, or because I have became accustomed to feeling blue whenever Aidilfitri is nearing since Mummy left.
I am secretly afraid of not being able to programme myself to be happy around Mr Sunshine's family at Raya. It's not that they're bad people or anything (they have been great, Alhamdulillah). But I guess this takes getting used to, because I have not even gotten used to Raya without Mummy around, plus the fact I have never been this far apart from my family my entire life.
Oh yeah, and I am having my period now which means I am not pregnant. Yet.
I know I have seemed pretty cool about it all this while but it's really, really, really starting to get to me. Like, is there something wrong with me ? I feel like I am disappointing not only myself but everyone around me.
Mr Sunshine especially. :(
I am all torn up inside right now.
But as Mr Sunshine always say to me, "Semuanya datang dari Allah SWT."
I know this is so cliche, but everything does happen for a reason.
So,
I shall try not mope around this year during Raya.
I shall try not to worry about things I cannot control.
I shall try not to take insignificant people's words or actions to heart.
I shall try not to stress myself up over petty things. - This one is the toughest of 'em all !
I should be appreciating the fact that this year will be the first year Mr Sunshine and I will be celebrating Aidilfitri as husband and wife. InshaAllah. Alhamdulillah.
And that I still have my family around even they are miles away. Alhamdulillah.
This better be just my hormones messing around with me.
I've gotta get to bed, Mr Sunshine and I have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.
Goodnight.
P.S: Raya cookies status ? Almost gone. Hehe.
xoxo
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