2012 wrap up.

Hello !
I am here again with my 2012 wrap up post, like previous years.

1. I resigned from the Ministry of Health and started working in UiTM in January this year.
2. Mr. Sunshine finally got transferred from Terengganu ! Alhamdulillah. :)
3. Marc and Linn had a beautiful wedding reception, and my best friend of 14 years tied the knot in February, Alhamdulillah.
4. Failed in fully breastfeeding my precious Dian Khayla. :(
5. I turned 28 this year, Alhamdulillah, and as usual Mr. Sunshine was amazing. :)
6. My immune system ran amok on me, which caused me to have cold sores back to back for more than a month !
7. Mr. Sunshine and I had to go through some babysitter drama, but things eventually fell into place, Alhamdulillah.
8. Khayla was admitted to Selayang Hospital due to one episode of  febrile fits.
9. Khayla also had to go through painful sores that came along with the Hand, Foot and Mouth disease (HFMD).
10. Dian Khayla turned ONE in Ramadhan, and in August, Alhamdulillah. :)
11. Got really emotional during Raya and took a trip to Penang  ! ;)
12. Khayla was infected by the stomach flu, and spread it to everyone except Daddy !
13. I attended the compulsory UiTM induction course in September, and passed !Alhamdulillah.
14. Mr. Sunshine took us to Ipoh for his 'Old Boys Weekend and then straight to Gan's beautiful wedding !
15. Khayla started walking at 13 months, Alhamdulillah. :)
16. I fell in love with Shaklee and became an Independent Distributor. :)
17. Moved out from Gombak in November. 
18. Went on a book shopping frenzy with Mr. Sunshine at the Big Bad Wolf Sale. :)
19. Rekindled an old friendship which turned sour a couple of years ago, Alhamdulillah. :)

My 2012 has been evidently filled with ups and downs, Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah for still being able to breathe through all of it.

May 2013 be filled new spirits, stronger determination and loads of love ! InshaAllah. ;)

xoxo

prayers for a better year.

Only one and a half months into the new Hijrah year and I am already struggling with my resolutions.
Sigh.
I must try harder, I must !

I can't believe 2012 is going to end in a couple of days.
I figured I'd list down a revised version of my resolutions to remind me once again that I have to follow through ! So here's my revised 1434H resolutions list a.k.a my 2013 resolutions:

1. Not to miss my daily prayers and try to pray on time whenever I can. This is a constant struggle for me, isk isk.
2. Try to cover my aurah properly - make sure my chest, neck, butt and arms are fully covered, buy and wear more long skirts/dresses/loose pants instead of jeans or form-fitting pants. Constant struggle too, isk isk.
3. Try to read at least one page of the Qur'an a day.
4. Strive to be a better wife, Mummy, daughter, sister, friend and worker. InshaAllah.
5. Work out a minimum of three times a week. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays perhaps ?
6. Cut down on fast foods, junk food and carbonated beverages. I can already see Mr. Sunshine rolling his eyes. Hehe.
7. Keep on sharing the goodness of Shaklee with everyone ! :)

I think that should do it. InshaAllah.

I've been really bad on updating this space, since becoming a Mummy. Hehe. I think I'm gonna go ahead and summarize a few happenings around November and December.

I met up with my BFF (always wanted to write that in a post, I feel like Paris Hilton already !) of 14 years - who is 7 months (now 8) pregnant - after a looong time ! Alhamdulillah, I am ecstatic for her and I can't wait for her to give birth to Khayla's 'cousin'. InshaAllah. :)

Love you !

Another best friend of mine lost her mum to cancer last week. Inalillah. :'(
It's heartbreaking that I can't be there for her as much as I want to.

Picture taken when we paid a visit to Annisa's mum before she passed away.

Marlene had her diploma convocation early this month. Woot ! Alhamdulillah, congratulations little sister ! I only have two pictures with me, the rest are with Marc.

Mr. Sunshine and I took leave to go to the Big Bad Wolf Sale. I had to miss the previous sales because we were in Terengganu. We went on the first day of the sale and went on a book shopping frenzy ! I had to resist the urge to go again and again.

The damage.

Two very happy shoppers !

I passed my induction. Alhamdulillah.

I was on medical leave for two weeks due to conjunctivitis. Isk isk. Wasn't a comfortable experience, but I'm grateful to be cured now. Alhamdulillah. 

We spent Christmas afternoon at Aunt Thelma & Charlotte's like every year with pie, devil curry and good company of relatives. No turkey though this year, hehe. We had to leave early to attend Mr. Sunshine's friend's wedding. Isk. I think next year we should be there a little later so that we can meet all of our relatives who are usually present. Please note that my eyes aren't fully recovered yet in these photos. Hee.

Auntie Marlene helped open Khayla's present from her grandaunts. :)

Khayla with grandaunt Thelma (arwah Mummy's cousin).

Me holding Faizal & Dee's adorable little Rauf ! My eyes were still slightly swollen that day.

Second cousins, Marlene & Faira holding third cousins Rauf & Dian Khayla. :)

That same night, Mr. Sunshine and I treated the whole family to dinner & dessert at Swensen's. This was to celebrate Marc's belated birthday (he turned 26 a month ago, haha) and Marlene's graduation. :)

Pretty sister and I. Ugh my eyes !

Mr. Sunshine and I. Ugh my eyessss !

Daddy Candy !

This was the beginning of a drama in which Khayla cried her lungs out because she didn't want to get in the car with her Mummy and Ayah. She wanted to stay with her Auntie Linn !

I think I've pretty much summed up my November and December.

Ok bye.

xoxo

1434H resolutions

I am a bit of a failure when it comes to resolutions.

There will always be a few on my list which will be left unchecked and undone.
But since I'm 28 years young this year and already a wife and a mother, I'm thinking I should set a good example to my daughter. Ahem. Hehe.
I'm gonna list down a few resolutions and make sure I strike out each & every one of them this year, InshaAllah.


Ok here goes...
This year I shall:

1. Not miss my daily prayers, and try to pray on time.
2. Try to cover my aurah properly - make sure my chest, neck, butt and arms are fully covered, buy and wear more long skirts/dresses/loose pants instead of jeans or form-fitting pants.
3. Strive to be a better wife, Mummy, daughter, sister and friend - I feel that I am lacking so much in this area, sobs !
4. Work out every day like I used to, okayyy maybe at least three times a week. Hehe.
5. Try to cook delicious food like arwah Mummy did, for my family - Until this day, I haven't found anyone who cooks as good as Mummy does. Even the dishes that she made, totally different ! Rindunya. :(
6. Keep on sharing the goodness of Shaklee with family & friends. :)

Ok let's keep it at 6 for the time being, don't want to be over-ambitious now, do we ? Hehe.

Salam Maal Hijrah 1434H everyone !

Out with the bad, in with the good ! InshaAllah. :)

xoxo

khayla's first hospital admission.

It all started two weekends ago, on a Saturday, after we came back from Melaka for a wedding. I felt that Khayla was a bit warm that evening, so I assumed she was getting a fever. Mr. Sunshine hugged her and she immediately fell asleep in his arms. When she woke up, I held her in my arms and felt that her body was getting hotter. I checked her temperature and it was 37.7 degrees Celcius. Although it wasn't that high, she was unusually weak and pale, refused to drink milk and wasn't playing around like her usual self. She was just clinging to me. I decided to give her a dose of Paracetamol syrup and bathe her.

When I put her into her tub, she starting shivering like nobody's business. Lene & I actually teared up because we had never seen her like that. She didn't stop shivering while I was dressing her up. I took a damp towel and dabbed her head and body in an effort to bring down her temperature. I tried talking to her and calling out her name, but there she was, clinging to me and staring into blank space. I knew something wasn't right so I woke Mr. Sunshine from his nap. My exact words to him were, "Ayang, kenapa Khayla lemah semacam je ni ??."

Suddenly, her eyeballs were rolling up, and her hands were curled up and stiff, fists clenched, and she was shaking vigorously. It took me a few seconds to register that she was having a seizure !
I PANICKED.
I passed her to Mr. Sunshine, put on my tudung and took a damp cloth with me. Lene drove (like a pro) us to the nearest medical centre, which was Gombak Medical Centre. In the car, she was still having convulsions and was not responding to anyone. Imagine the state of panic we were all in at the time !
I found a mineral water bottle and passed it to Mr. Sunshine and told him to pour the water on her (I soon learned that it wasn't the right thing to do at the time). It was then that we heard her voice, so we knew she was awake. Her fit lasted for about 5 agonizing minutes.
At the medical centre, her temperature was 39.7 degrees, and she was shivering because the nurses stripped her to her diaper and were sponging her body. We were told to bring her to a hospital for further assessment.

We brought her to Selayang Hospital, she was groggy and unresponsive along the way. Her temperature was 39.8 degrees Celcius at the emergency department. They took her blood to determine the source of fever and to rule out meningitis. Her white blood cells were slightly elevated (usually a sign of presence of an infection) but the doctor told me she didn't think it was meningitis or any infections of the brain. Khayla had to be admitted for monitoring purposes.

All of this happened within TWO HOURS !

Her temperature was still high throughout the first night but subsided the following Sunday morning. Alhamdulillah, she was slowly going back to being her old self that day. Alhamdulillah she did not have any subsequent fits. But since she already has history, there is a chance that it will occur again so Mr. Sunshine and I have to be really careful whenever she has a fever. Khayla was discharged on Monday. Her diagnosis was simple febrile seizure secondary to viral fever.

What are febrile seizures/fits ?

Simple febrile seizures are caused by fever in a child aged 6 months to 5 years. The single seizure is generalized and lasts less than 15 minutes. The child is otherwise neurologically healthy. Fever (and seizure) is not caused by illnesses affecting the brain.
Complex febrile seizures are usually prolonged (more than 15 minutes), or multiple seizures occur in close succession. 
Symptomatic febrile seizures occur in a child who has a preexisting neurological abnormality or acute illness.  Source.

Symptoms are uprolling of the eyeballs and/or shaking and jerking of the limbs and/or body stiffness.

From what I learned from the doctors in Selayang hospital, one-third of children who have febrile seizure will have another one, and about 50% of those will have a third. Isk isk. I also found out that parents who have had febrile seizures when they were a kid are likely to pass it on to their kids. Mr. Sunshine had three episodes of febrile seizures when he was a kid !

And now here's the important bit, what you should do when your child has a febrile seizure ?

1. DON'T PANIC ! These were the first words in the pamphlet I received from Selayang Hospital. Easier said than done !

2. Quickly place him on his side, away from hard objects. Gently turn his head to one side so he won't choke if he vomits. 

3. Make sure he doesn't have anything in his mouth, and don't put anything in his mouth while the seizure lasts.

4. Keep track of how long the seizure lasts (and try to remember !). If it goes on for longer than three minutes, bring him to the hospital.

5. If your child has difficulty breathing, if he's choking, or if his skin turns blue, bring him to the hospital immediately !

6. If it was your child's first episode - no matter how short it was - bring him to the hospital. This is to make sure he doesn't have a serious infection or other problem that caused the fever.

7. Don't try to lower your child's fever during a seizure by giving him medication, putting him in cool water, or sponging him off. Oooops.  Source

I pray that nothing like this will ever happen again, but if it does, I need to learn to stay calm !

I shall write about Khayla's experience with the Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease (HFMD) when I have spare time.

Goodnight all.
Assalamu'alaikum. :)

xoxo

my breastfeeding case.

I stopped breastfeeding entirely after Khayla turned 7 months. It was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make.
After months of battling with my emotions, I think I am finally comfortable with the fact that I chose to stop breastfeeding my baby, for the best of baby and I.

Reasons why I chose to do so:
1. Khayla refuses to drink my expressed breastmilk (EBM). She would only want to breastfeed directly. That made it tough for the babysitter, so I started supplementing with formula only when Khayla was at sitter's place.
2. My milk production decreased tremendously after a bout of fever and food poisoning and no Fenugreek or power pumping could do anything to save it.
3. Khayla would get agitated every time she breastfeeds because of the little amount of milk she was receiving. She was so cranky ! Poor baby. :(
4. I was stressed out and exhausted 24-7. When I was breastfeeding, I was stressed because Khayla was stressed and when I wasn't breastfeeding, I was stressed out because I was constantly thinking about my breastfeeding issues. I was always mad at myself. The exhaustion from pumping milk, work and traveling back and forth from Gombak to Shah Alam every day also had its effects on my emotional well being.

Khayla is less cranky now that she doesn't have to work so hard to get milk when she's hungry, she has been sleeping throughout the night ever since, and is a really active and healthy baby.

I have now realized that doing what is best for my child means understanding what is best for me too. Sometimes it's about what I am comfortable with. If I am not happy, and stressed out all the time, how am I supposed to raise my baby to be a happy baby ? I believe in raising my child in a loving, stable environment and providing her with a good education. That's infinitely more important than whether I choose breastmilk or formula.
In my case I can say that this decision has helped me physically and mentally.

Yes, breastmilk is the best milk, but formula isn't that bad either.
Only Allah knows how much I miss breastfeeding, but I've gotta be strong because I'm a mother now. :)

To all mothers who feel pressured to breastfeed, or have tried to breastfeeding with little/no success, don't fret ! At the end of the day, it is YOUR decision, YOU are the mother of your child and YOU have the right to determine what you want to feed her with. Breastmilk is rezeki from Allah, and as for all other rezekis HE blesses us with, HE can take it back whenever HE wants. You should not feel guilty or inferior !

And finally, let's get something straight, opting to formula feed does not mean your baby will be prone or have less immunity to illness !

xoxo

2011 wrap up.

Hi all !
Linn is taking care of Khayla while I take some time off to give you all a gist on what has happened in my life throughout 2011, like I did last year.

1. On January 9 this year, Mr. Sunshine and I turned one, Alhamdulillah. My Mr. Sunshine is the best ! :))
2. I got pregnant (Alhamdulillah) and gained a whopping 16 kgs throughout my pregnancy ! Well I actually found out I was pregnant in December last year but waited after my first trimester to let the cat out of the bag. :)
3. I turned 27, and as usual Mr Sunshine had some surprises for me. Mr. Sunshine turned 26 this year, and I conveniently forgot to blog about it ! I bought him a HP Pavilion notebook, because his PC was giving him so much trouble. :)
4. Craved a whole lot of food that weren't available in Terengganu.
5. The family came over for another visit this year and we had a blast ! ;D
6. Almost went through a nervous breakdown. Haha.
7. I made my first curry puff this year ! Hehe.
8. In June, we found out we were having a baby girl which was due in August. :)
9. I was warded for a night (and traumatized) due to a fall.
10. Mr. Sunshine and I had our babymoon in Colmar Tropicale, Bukit Tinggi.
11. I went through 21 hours of labour and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Dian Khayla on August 13. Alhamdulillah.
12. The week after my baby was born, I was offered a job as a pharmacist in UiTM, Alhamdulillah.
13. Marc and Linn got married ! Alhamdulillah. :))
14. I got my resignation from KKM and pelepasan dengan izin approved yesterday, Alhamdulillah, and will be reporting for duty in UiTM next Tuesday, InshaAllah.

Alhamdulillah.

This year, I'm ushering in the year 2012 with my family here in Gombak. Mr. Sunshine is in Terengganu because he has to work tomorrow. I miss him tremendously ! Sobs. :(


May 2012 be a better year for all of us, InshaAllah.
Happy New Year everyone ! :)


xoxo

the chronicles of my weight (gain).

Khayla has been asleep since 1300 hours just now.
I have managed to freshen up, express milk, have lunch, perform my Zuhur prayers and tidy up the house a little. I've tried going back to bed but my eyes just won't shut.
Since I have nothing better to do, I thought I'd put up a post on my pre and post pregnancy weight fluctuations. Narcissistic, much ?

I am gonna file this post under my 'notes to self' label to remind me that I still have a few kilos to shed and not to overeat like tak sedar diri. :)

Before I got hitched, my weight was around 54 to 55 kgs, which was considered normal for my height. I've always been curvy, blessed with (huge) boobs and (huge) hips. My other body parts are considerably smaller, which is why I think a number of people wouldn't believe me when I told them I weighed 54kgs. There were even some who thought I weighed 10 kgs lighter !
But as Oprah puts it, it's not about the number on the scale, ......okay so I forgot the rest of the quote but you get the picture, don't you ? Haha.

Moving on !

1. I got married in January 2010 and I lost 2kgs for my wedding.

January 2010 - 52 kgs

2. By November 2010, I gained back the 2kgs I lost. Hehe.

November 2010 - 54 kgs

3. In March 2011, and at 16 weeks pregnant, I had already gained 3kgs.

March 2011, 16 weeks pregnant - 57 kgs

4. The weight was steadily piling on as the weeks progressed.

April 2011, 20 weeks pregnant - 59.5 kgs

5. May 2011 - There was just no stopping me at that time. I was happily putting on 5 kgs within a month ! The nurses at my antenatal clinic weren't so pleased. Hehe.

May 2011, 24 weeks pregnant - 64.5 kgs

6. In June 2011, my weight skyrocketed, again !

June 2011, 28 weeks pregnant - 68 kgs

7. July 2011 - I just couldn't stop getting fatter. Haha. But by this time, the weight increment was slower than the previous two months. Phew !

July 2011, 32 weeks - 69.5 kgs

8. In August 2011, it dawned on me that I had gained about 16 kgs throughout my pregnancy ! Woahhhh !

August 2011, 32 weeks - 70.5 kgs

9. About a month after I delivered my precious baby Dian Khayla, I only managed to shed about 7 kgs off ! *nangis*

September 2011, 3 weeks post-partum - 63 kgs

10. To date, I have lost a total of 10kgs, and I still need to lose another 6 kgs to get to my pre-pregnancy weight.

October 2011, 2 months post-partum - 59 kgs

I've got around 2 inches to lose around my hips in order for me to fit into most of my old baju kurungs a.k.a my work clothes. If I don't lose 'em, looks like Mr. Sunshine's gotta take me on a shopping spree ! Hehe.

I'm lucky I can still squeeze myself into a couple of baju kurungs, because I had a wedding to attend yesterday.
Here's to hoping I get to say goodbye to my extra kilos, soon !

xoxo

tainted.

And whoever is patient and forgives - indeed, that is of the matters [requiring] determination. (Ash-Shuraa 42:43)

Ramadhan blessing: Performing jama'ah prayers with Mr. Sunshine. Alhamdulillah.

xoxo

50 Things You Need to Know About Marital Relationships

Excerpted from Al Maghrib Institute’s “Fiqh of Love” seminar with Shaykh Waleed Basyouni.

I came across this quite some time ago, felt that it's worth sharing. :)

1. Great relationships don’t just happen; they are created. You have to work at it.
2. If your job takes all of your best energy, your marriage will suffer.
3. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is your own happiness.
4. It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time.
5. When you complain about your spouse to your friends, remember that their feedback can be distorted.
6. The only rules in your marriage are those you both choose to agree with.
7. It is not conflict that destroys marriage; it is the cold, smoldering resentment that you hold for a long time.
8. It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with what you have.
9. If you think you are too good for your spouse, think again.
10. Growing up in a happy household doesn’t ensure a happy marriage, or vice versa.
11. It’s never too late to repair damaged trust.
12. The real issue is usually not the one you are arguing about.
13. Love isn’t just a feeling; it is expressed through our actions.
14. Expectations set us up for disappointment and resentment.
15. Arguments cannot be avoided, but destructive arguments can be avoided.
16. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is focused attention.
17. Even people with happy marriages sometimes worry that they married the wrong person.
18. Your spouse cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you rescue yourself.
19. The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.
20. Your opinion is not necessarily the truth.
21. Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.
22. Guilt-tripping won’t get you what you really want.
23. Don’t neglect your friends.
24. If you think, “You are not the person I married,” you are probably right.
25. Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.
26. Generosity of spirit is the foundation of a good marriage.
27. If your spouse is being defensive, you might be giving them reasons to be like that.
28. Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.
29. You can pay now or pay later, but the later you pay, the more interest and penalties you acquire.
30. Marriage requires sacrifice, but your benefits outweigh your costs.
31. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continous process.
32. Accepting the challenges of marriage will shape you into a better person.
33. Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.
34. A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than with what you’ve experienced in the past.
35. Don’t keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.
36. There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.
37. One of the greatest questions to ask your spouse is “How best can I love you?”
38. Marriage can stay fresh over time.
39. Assumptions are fine as long as you check them before acting upon them.
40. Intention may not be the only thing, but it is the most important thing.
41. Good sex won’t make your marriage, but it’ll help.
42. Privacy won’t hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.
43. Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.
44. Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming.
45. If your spouse thinks something is important, then it is.
46. Marriage never outgrows the need for romance.
47. The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.
48. There is violence in silence when it’s used as a weapon.
49. It’s better to focus on what you can do to make things right, then what your partner did to make things wrong.
50. If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce.

xoxo

2010 wrap up.

Hello.
Don't worry, I'm in an okay mood right now, so this won't be another 'emo' post. Hehe. :p
In about a day's time we'd be ushering in the year 2011 !
Alhamdulillah, I can say that 2010 has been a good year albeit it having some minor setbacks.
Since I am in such good spirits tonight I'm gonna list down a summary of my happenings in 2010. :D

1. The highlight of the year for me is of course my marriage to the most awesome husband a woman can ever ask for ! (Ini bukan bodek ye. Hehe.) Alhamdulillah. Mr Sunshine's wonderful family who welcomed me into their family with open arms is a true blessing for me. Alhamdulillah. :D
2. Mr Sunshine and I went for our first honeymoon in Langkawi this year. It was an unforgettable trip ! Reminiscing about it still gives me butterlies in my tummy. *blushes*
3. I have gained 4 kilograms since I got hitched ! But Mr Sunshine says I'm "tetap comel !". Haha.
4. My family came to visit Mr Sunshine and I here in Terengganu in February and we had a blast !
5. Dealt with a few health issues of my own. 
6. Marc graduated, was a management trainee for half a year and is now a working man ! Alhamdulillah. :)
7. I turned 26 this year and Mr Sunshine surprised me with something I have always wanted ! We also made time for a short but fun trip to Genting, Kuantan and Cherating for my birthday ! ;D
8. Got roasted. 
9. Mr Sunshine and I enjoyed the company of my in-laws when they came over in June. :D
10. Cried like a baby when Brazil lost to the Netherlands during the World Cup ! Argh, I'm still so tak puas hati !
11. Had the best weekend ever !
12. Lost a friend.
13. Made a few new ones. Hello Mel ! Hello Eka ! *waves frantically*
14. I got confirmed this year too. Alhamdulillah. 
15. Gobbled up almost all of our delicious Raya cookies before Raya. Hehe.
16. Mr Sunshine and I celebrated our first Raya as husband and wife and boy, it was an amazing experience. :)
17. Watched a movie at the Terengganu's first TGVcineplex, in Mesra Mall, Kerteh which just opened the week before. :D
18. I had a hard time accepting the fact that Mr Sunshine and I were gonna have to stay here in Terengganu longer than I had expected to.
19. Mr Sunshine turned 25 ! My gift for him was not as extravagant as his was for me, which made it not blog worthy. Sobs.
20. Annisa and I went for a splendid mini getaway here in Terengganu. 
21. Daddy was warded for a week due to pneumonia. :(
22. And the latest good news, Lene passed her driving examination yesterday !! Yay !

Whether good or bad, I am grateful for everything that I have been blessed with, this year. Alhamdulillah.

As for resolutions, since I successfully achieved my ONLY resolution I made for this year (haha), I am gonna go ahead and make one for next year.
For 2011, I want to BE A BETTER CLINICAL PHARMACIST, which means I have to pull up my socks and stop making excuses for myself.
All this while, I have actually been stressing over my own incompetency (and laziness). Sad, but true.
Let's see how it goes next year, eh ? InshaAllah.

What are your 2011 resolutions ?

Since New Year's Day is not a public holiday for us here in Terengganu, and I will be working this weekend ( and on January 1st), Mr Sunshine and I will be celebrating the new year in our humble abode, just the two of us. InshaAllah. :)

Have a good weekend everyone ! :D

xoxo

because this is my one and only life.

I can count with my fingers the number of times I have gone out for lunch with my colleagues here. I usually walk back home to pray and/or take a short nap and/or surf the web during lunch time. And I have been doing so for the past 1 year for a couple of reasons. Reason number 1 being that, I don't eat lunch on most days (of my life, hehe). Another reason is because I have always considered me being here in Terengganu as something ephemeral, and the only purpose I'm here is to work and work and work. And the only thing I look forward to everyday is to go back home to Gombak.

This afternoon my boss had this to say to me when I refused to go along with her and my colleagues for lunch, "Awak kena keluar lah kadang-kadang, baru ceria sikit. Ini asyik fikir nak balik je, mana tak sedih."
Of course I had a rebuttal to that, but only now it occurred to me that she could be right.
I realized that I have been going through my days, not really appreciating them. Instead, I pass my days by looking to the future, constantly looking at the calendar, thinking of the next time I would be able to go home and be with my family and friends, or when will I finally get to transfer out of here.
I keep thinking that life would be better when I'm out of here. But I forgot to notice that my life is now, it's happening now, whether I am loving it or not.
I really need to start living in the present. Enjoy now.
I should neither dwell in the past, nor overthink what's ahead.

This might sound a tad ambitious coming from someone like me.
But I plan to try my very best. :)

"This is my one and only life, And its a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive." Holly Kennedy (P.S I Love You, 2007).

xoxo

birthday gift dilemma.

I finally received payment for the claims I made in August. Alhamdulillah.
I have promised myself that I will use some of that money to pay my income zakat (alms) for this year.

October will be ending in a little more than a week's time.
And November happens to be a super special month because three VVIM (very, very important men) in my life were born in November !
Daddy and Mr Sunshine share the same birth date on November 1st (but arwah Atok registered Daddy's birth a day after), and Marc's birthday is on November 26 !

After what Mr Sunshine did for me for my birthday (you can check it out here and here), he definitely set the bar pretty high for me.
Frankly, I don't think I can ever top what he did, knowing that I suck when it comes to surprises or getting gifts for people. :'(
I already got him one of the few gifts I am planning to get, but I have a feeling he already knows what it is and he will just pretend to act surprised when he gets it. Hehe. Kan awak, kan kan kan ?
But at the end of the day, it's the thought that counts and it's not a competition of who gets who the best gift right ?
Ok, I am obviously consoling myself here.

One of my besties, Annisa is planning to make a trip here early next month and I am so excited. Although she won't be staying over at my place but the thought of having someone I'm close to near to me for a weekend is just nice. She also happens to be a November baby ! ;D

Note to self: Don't touch eyes after slicing cili padi.
Ouch.

xoxo

of supplications.

"Bila ALLAH makbulkan doamu, maka dia menyayangimu,

Bila DIA lambat makbulkan doamu, maka DIA ingin mengujimu,

Bila DIA tidak makbulkan doamu, maka DIA merancang sesuatu terbaik untukmu

Oleh itu, sentiasalah bersangka baik pada ALLAH dalam apa jua keadaan...kerana kasih sayang ALLAH itu mendahului kemurkaanNya"

Wallahu'alam.

xoxo

all in good time.

I just wasted a bucket worth of tears and two days feeling miserable.

I was walking back from work last Thursday when I decided to give the Ministry of Health's HR department a call. The minute I found out that both Mr Sunshine and my transfer applications were KIV-ed and that the next meeting to reconsider our applications would be at the end of the year, it was as if someone just hit me on the head but I did not feel pain.
I was in a daze.
I sat on the chair in my living room staring into space for about half an hour.
Then the tears started to fall. :'(
So many thoughts were running through my head, about Daddy and how cruel I thought the decision was because I submitted Daddy's IJN doctor's letter along with my application, about work and how it's slowly starting to suck, about my friends who I felt like I am gonna lose if I continue being miles away. :(

:'(

Honestly, I knew it was for the best. Because He always knows best.
But I just couldn't stop crying.
I felt bad for making Mr Sunshine see me in such a disappointing state.
He had ran out of comfort words for me.
He took me out for dinner at McDonald's that night, with intentions to cheer me up.

I had the new and delicious Black Pepper Spicy Chicken McDeluxe.

We ordered the large McValue meal which came with the much missed Spicy McShaker Fries ! Oh so sedap !!

I swear I felt so much better that night. Joking around with Mr Sunshine, watched Grown Ups after we got back, which was pretty hilarious by the way. :D

Thanks to Mr Sunshine and a few comforting words from my family and best friends, I was not crying anymore.
"I am okay, we're okay. This isn't that bad.", I thought to myself before I went to bed.

I thought wrong.

I woke up on Friday morning feeling as though I had a huge brick on my chest.
And the tears started to run (happily ?) down my cheeks.
I woke Mr Sunshine up and asked him all these ridiculous questions like, "I think it's (insert name)'s fault that our application was not approved, do you think so ? Yes it was !!" and said even more ridiculous things like, "I am not gonna be near to IKEA meatballs !!".
All that while crying like a baby.

I decided I needed to go out.
I forced Mr Sunshine to take me somewhere far, anywhere besides Terengganu, please !
Even better if we got to watch a movie !
And so he brought me to watch a movie.
At East Coast Mall, Kuantan !
Had a late lunch at Black Canyon Restaurant. This is our forth time there and we've never not enjoyed the food there.
Mr Sunshine ordered the American Fried Rice (I'm assuming it's Nasi Goreng USA, no ?)

And I had the super spicy and yummy Fettuccine with Seafood and Spicy Paste.

It tastes better than it looks like. Hehe.

We watched Eat, Pray, Love that evening.
Although my eyes were stinging and tired from all the crying I had been doing, I enjoyed the movie very much !
I can't say the same for Mr Sunshine, hehe, but I commend him for staying awake throughout the whole two and a half hours.
"Kalau girlfriend ajak tengok movie macam ini, mesti tak tengok punya," he told me.
What he meant was he watched it with me because I'm his wife and not just a girlfriend of his."
Yes, I found that sweet. :)
I have not read the book yet but I plan to do so soon. :)
The movie not only provided me with some of life's lessons that I needed, but also made me crave for spaghetti ! Hehehe.
Mr Sunshine, either he was being the darling he is or he was just afraid I was gonna end up in tears again (I choose to believe the latter), brought me to the nearest place we could have spaghetti at, which was Pizza Hut !
That's happy, tired and swollen-eyed me with my Spaghetti Bolognaise.

And to end the day, I treated myself to my favourite Baskin Robbins' Pralines and Cream ice cream !

Mr Sunshine went to great lengths to make me feel better and I love him so much for that.

I apologize for being such a nuisance, sayang. :(

At the end of the day, I realized that I have so much to be thankful for.
At least Mr Sunshine and I are living together, and not living in different cities.
I have a job. I have to learn to accept it with all its trials and challenges. Who am I to say that if I move to another place, things will be better ?
Ikhlaskan hati, Melissa.
I have daily internet access, I have a telly with Astro.
I never go hungry.
And even though I won't get my Nando's or IKEA meatballs over here, there's always McDonald's. Hehe.

This might not be the right time for us to move anywhere. We're not exactly in a stable financial situation to do so actually.
Staying here saves us from having to pay extra rent and fork out money for furniture.
I still can have extra snooze time in the morning before work if I want to, since the hospital's only a 5-minute walk away.
Our rezeki is still here, in beautiful Terengganu. :)
I need to start looking at all the good things that this place has to offer.
Allah knows what's best for us.

I won't deny that I am still sad, but grateful at the same time.

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (Al-Baqarah 2:216)

So yeah, I am okay now. We're okay.
This isn't that bad. :)

xoxo

hello october !

May you bring Mr Sunshine and I good tidings. Ameen.

But if you do not, I must remember to remind myself to always be grateful for all the blessings that I already have and that Allah SWT knows what's best for me.
I have realized that I have to prepare myself for the worst case scenario. But minta dijauhkan, Ameen.
I have to brace myself because I know for a fact there's no way any one of us can change how things are right now and I have no choice but have to break out of  my comfort zone and learn to adapt.

I feel bad for putting Mr Sunshine in a position in which he has to listen to my rants everyday for the past two weeks.
I can't believe it has ONLY been two weeks.

Note: This post is not pregnancy/baby related. :)

xoxo

embrace thy curves.

Two things.
First are body parts women are usually not happy with, such as a soft waistline and hips. I like both very much. Women hate when guys touch and pinch them there, but men don't have curves, and the more women embrace them, the sexier it is!
Second: when a sweaty woman is leaving the gym, because it's similar to the way she might look right after sex. Anything that suggests you in that act [is hot].

 -James Marsden on the things women would be surprised to learn that guys find sexy.

i got you babe.

Hello.
I am having trouble falling asleep.
I do not know whether it's because it's that time of the month, or because I have became accustomed to feeling blue whenever Aidilfitri is nearing since Mummy left.

I am secretly afraid of not being able to programme myself to be happy around Mr Sunshine's family at Raya. It's not that they're bad people or anything (they have been great, Alhamdulillah). But I guess this takes getting used to, because I have not even gotten used to Raya without Mummy around, plus the fact I have never been this far apart from my family my entire life.

Oh yeah, and I am having my period now which means I am not pregnant. Yet.
I know I have seemed pretty cool about it all this while but it's really, really, really starting to get to me. Like, is there something wrong with me ? I feel like I am disappointing not only myself but everyone around me.
Mr Sunshine especially. :(

I am all torn up inside right now.

But as Mr Sunshine always say to me, "Semuanya datang dari Allah SWT."
I know this is so cliche, but everything does happen for a reason.
So,
I shall try not mope around this year during Raya.
I shall try not to worry about things I cannot control.
I shall try not to take insignificant people's words or actions to heart.
I shall try not to stress myself up over petty things. - This one is the toughest of 'em all !

I should be appreciating the fact that this year will be the first year Mr Sunshine and I will be celebrating Aidilfitri as husband and wife. InshaAllah. Alhamdulillah.
And that I still have my family around even they are miles away. Alhamdulillah.

This better be just my hormones messing around with me.

I've gotta get to bed, Mr Sunshine and I have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.
Goodnight.

P.S: Raya cookies status ? Almost gone. Hehe.
xoxo

feel me.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

(Maya Angelou)

xoxo

how's your neighbour ?

I feel like a lousy neighbour.

A lousy neighbour who was oblivious to the fact that the senior medical assistant who has been living right across me with his wife (a nurse) moved out last weekend.
Even though I could choose to use the excuse of me not being around during the last weekend, but I did not notice that they were no longer occupying the space opposite mine even after I got back from Gombak last Monday.
It took me a question from my colleague, who asked me whether they had already moved out for me to take a closer look and realized there were no more shoes and sandals outside of the place.
How ignorant is that ?
:(

To alleviate my guilt, I tried to strike up a conversation with him when I bumped into him at the hospital,
Me: Assalamualaikum, Encik S**** dah pindah ye ?
Him: Waalaikumussalam, iye baru je hari minggu yang lepas.
Me: Oh patut lah, saya balik kampung masa tu, tak perasan. (See how I am trying to console myself ?)
Him: Ye lah, baru seminggu je pindah.
Me: Oh okay. *smiles*

Oh well.
What's done is done.
As Pumbaa puts it, you've gotta put your behind in your past. Hehe.
How I wish I could do that, who knows maybe my behind will stop expanding at the rate it is now. :p

Ramadhan is next week and I have finally finished making up my fasts, today.
I vow to start making up the fasts for this Ramadhan as early as I can, not like this year.
But that was what I vowed last year too, so you get the picture.
According to my period calendar, Aunt Flo will be visiting me (InshaAllah) during the first few days of Ramadhan, which means she will paying another visit at the end of Ramadhan (InshaAllah).
Hence, more fasting days to make up for !

I would like to share a few things I learned over the long weekend:

1. If you double park, you can (or should ?) leave your car in free gear so that it can be pushed/moved just in case. Yes, I did not know this, laugh all you want. Thank you Mr. Parking Attendant at the Putra LRT station car park.
2. There is such a thing as an Exhibition Specialist. Thanks Annisa darling.
3. I am not a shopaholic, but a new pair of pretty wedges can do wonders to your confidence !
4. Every relationship/friendship needs two-way communication. 
5. Always remember to keep a record of your expenses especially when there's a (book) sale. Hehe.
6. You don't need to stay in a toxic relationship/friendship and if someone does not put you on their list of priorities, they don't deserve to be on yours.
7. I need to eat to survive, I used to be able to go on starving but now I need food !

In reference to No. 5, I am guilty for over spending while I was back in Gombak. Sigh.
So now I am spending my days (and nights) whining to Mr Sunshine about how I am going to get through another 20 days until my next pay.
I am so lucky Mr Sunshine is such a cool dude. Hehe.
We're total opposites, I get worked up over petty things, but he remains calm and collected (and macho as he would put it, haha) even through the rough times.
I don't know what I would do without him.
I guess opposites do attract. ;)

My armpits are still sweaty (hahaha), and my arms are still a bit sore from scrubbing Mr Sunshine's shirts awhile ago.
I should take another bath.

xoxo

syukur.

Alhamdulillah.

Syukur for a family that has been through a whole lot together yet still remain close knit.

Syukur for the best husband who is my rock, my everything.

Syukur for best friends who are miles away but are forever close to my heart.

Syukur for friends who want nothing but the best for you and guide you towards the right path.

Syukur for my perfect eyesight to witness the beauty of Your creation.

Syukur for a healthy body and limbs to walk through my daily routines with ease.

Syukur for all the reasons to smile and laugh You put on my face.

Syukur for all the rezeki I have been granted with.

Syukur for all the trials and tribulations that have made me a stronger and wiser woman.

I am so blessed.

Alhamdulillah.

xoxo