things can get a lil' overwhelming at times.

I can't believe this is my first post for 2013 !

I have been swamped with work for the past few weeks, with drug tender and quotations to settle, other work responsibilities and not to mention last minute work ("Here's something I want you to settle by this evening" kinda thing).

Am I stressed ?
STRESSED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

Since I have only been here for a year, there are loads of things still left for me to learn and understand. I just hope the people I work with understand that too.

My eyes get so tired from sitting in front of the computer the whole day. But that's not an excuse for me to sometimes overlook and forget important stuff. Blergh.

I know I should not complain because this is where my source of rezeki is now but somehow I miss my old workplace. Workload is not an issue, because things were much more hectic there, yet I felt important and more useful as a pharmacist when I was there. Prescribers (well, a few of them) respected our opinions as pharmacists and we respected theirs as prescribers. We kinda worked hand in hand. Other staff respected me as a pharmacist, same as they respected the medical officers. 

I just feel unimportant.
Apa kau merepek niiii ?

Oh well, I am trying my best to stay positive.
I won't give up trying to give 110%.
I shall end this post with a smile. :D

Ok bye.

xoxo

old boys and old friends.

Hello all !
Updates, as promised.  

As if anyone really reads my blog, haha.

Two weeks ago, Mr. Sunshine brought Khayla and I to Ipoh, again. This time around it was for his former school, Sekolah Tuanku Abdul Rahman's (STAR) Old Boys Weekend. We took leave on Friday and checked in at Impiana Hotel, Ipoh that afternoon. Khayla and I spent most of our time in the room while Mr. Sunshine met up with his ex-schoolmates.

Khayla and Ayah at STAR, Ipoh on the evening we arrived. Mr. Sunshine took us on a tour of his school. I had goosebumps, as though it was my former school !

Khayla was pretty excited throughout the whole trip, polishing her walking skills and exploring every nook and cranny in the hotel room.

"Ayah is leaving us in the room ? No biggie, I'll just lie down and watch telly !"

"...or maybe lie down and check out what I can order from the room service menu !"

Trying to call room service ? Hehe.

I guess she found her happy place. Hehe.

Told ya she enjoyed herself !

Immediately after we reached home on Sunday evening (16/9/2012), we freshened up and headed to Gan & Wei Ting's wedding. Lene was supposed to come along, but she found a date at the very last minute and met us there instead. :)

It was such a beautiful night ! I got to meet my beautiful friends (and probably the only people apart from my family who know how to pronounce my name correctly, haha tetiba) and celebrate the lovely couple. I had tears in my eyes when I saw the bride & groom walking hand in hand. This is the guy I've known since I was 14 ! I know our friendship has changed over the years and we're not as close as we were before, but I was truly happy for him ! *nangis*

CONGRATULATIONS MR. & MRS GAN !! :))

The ever so beautiful Felicia and I. Even Khayla was enamoured by her.

L-R: Khayla, Me, Judith, Felicia, Marlene & Jaclyn. :)

Group photo ! See, Khayla is still trying to peek at Felicia ! Hehehe.

Ayah, who had to tend to Khayla when she started to get sleepy and cranky.

Looking forward to get together with all of them soon, since I'm back in Gombak already.

I had to go for a 4 days-3 nights induction course at UiTM's Training Centre, Kampung Gajah, Perak from last Friday to Monday.
I was fortunate that I had already attended an induction when I was working with the Ministry of Health, so I only had to attend 4 out of the 14 days of induction. Alhamdulillah.
I was very impressed by the rooms they provided for us for the course. Almost hotel-like, with two twin beds, air condition, water heater and we even have to insert our keycard for power. Hehe. It was a comfortable stay, plus I had an awesome roomie so all in all it was good.
I sure hope I aced the exam ! Ameen.

They even provided us with towels, shampoos & shower gels. :)

Mr. Sunshine and I will be moving out from Gombak to Shah Alam soon. We found a 2-storey house to rent for the time being. Why move out ? Well, it's an effort to save energy, time, and money. :)
We went to see the house two nights ago and it was okayyy lah. It isn't my dream house, but I can live in it. I think. Haha.

Although Syawal has ended, I'm gonna leave you people with two snapshots of my colleagues and I during our office's Raya celebration.

With my boss (in purple) and the pharmacy assistants. :)

Comel tak kami ? Haha.

 Here's to a smashing weekend, bye !

xoxo

time waits for no man.

Hello all !
I've been struggling to find time to write a decent post but as you can see, I am failing miserably. I just got back from my UiTM induction course. I left Mr. Sunshine & Khayla for 4 days & 3 nights.
I hope I can squeeze in some time to tell you all the details on me being away, in the meantime here's a couple of photos of me & the new friends I made during the induction course.

Until then, take care all !

xoxo

my 1433H eid.

Hello ya'll !
I hope it's not too late to wish all my Muslim brothers & sisters SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI !

Last Monday marked 6 years since arwah Mummy left us and the day before (Sunday) would have been her 62nd birthday if she was still around. I'm still in a bit of a sombre mood, but I'm trying my best to not let it affect me too much. Gotta concentrate on work. I can't believe it has been 6 years already. It still feels like it was just yesterday. :'(

Al-Fatihah.

August is a bittersweet month for me. *nangis*

Gotta. Focus.
Gotta. Focus.

How has your Raya (I somehow prefer addressing Raya as Raya instead of Eid) been so far ? I was on leave for the whole of last week. Not because I wanted to beraya but because my workplace was closed for the whole week and so was Khayla's nursery. Soooo, I had no choice but to take leave. But I think I've managed to put all the spare time to good use.

As I've blabbered in my previous post, we spent Raya eve and the first two days of Syawal in Batu Pahat. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'd have to be honest that I felt awful on Raya eve when everyone was busy preparing dishes for Raya. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry. It wasn't just about being in Batu Pahat, it's just the same emotions I go through every year before (and during Raya) and I guess it was exarcebated by the fact that I wasn't in Gombak.

Alhamdulillah Mr. Sunshine was always there for me, he thanked me for agreeing to be in his hometown, and constantly had words of comfort for me throughout the eve of Raya. Things got a little better on the 1st day of Syawal, I managed to contain my tears whole day, even during the bersalam-salaman and the whole visiting relatives sessions. What an achievement, Alhamdulillah.
So yeah, it wasn't that bad.

Green was our theme in Batu Pahat. Mr. Sunshine and I reused our outfits which we wore for Marc & Linn's wedding. :)

My beautiful sisters in-law.
I'm so fortunate that I can joke around with them and talk to them as if they're my own blood. :)

My man. :)

Awesome mum in-law. :)

Mr. Sunshine's extended family ! :)

We were back in Gombak on the 2nd day of Syawal. We went visiting the next day. We intend to continue visiting friends/relatives this weekend. InshaAllah. Mr. Sunshine, Khayla and I were all supposed to be in purple, but the tailor didn't managed to finish sewing Khayla and my baju kurungs. What a disappointment ! :(

Family shot on the 3rd day of Syawal.

I love this shot of us !

Last Thursday, Mr. Sunshine took Khayla and I on a 3 days 2 nights vacation to Penang. Traffic was heavy along the way but there was no jam. All we did in Penang was eat, eat, and EAT.
I didn't gain any weight throughout the first 4 days of Syawal, but I managed to gain a kilo after being in Penang for 3 days !

Yummy Penang Food.

MORE yummy Penang food.

Khayla had her first trip to the beach at Batu Feringghi, and she didn't like it that much. She was in tears every time the waves hit her legs. Hehe. Driving down Batu Feringghi brought back a lot of memories of when I was there with Daddy, arwah Mummy & my siblings.

At Batu Feringghi beach.

We also took her on a ferry ride on which she was pretty cool and calm, pointing at the sea water, unlike her Mummy who was terrified and couldn't wait to get back into the car. Yes, I am still terrifed of deep water.

Khayla and Ayah on the ferry.

Mummy explaining to Khayla why Mummy is afraid of the sea. Haha.

Khayla was also pretty cool on the train ride up and down Penang Hill (Bukit Bendera). We got on the front coach and we let her stand by the front window. :)

The view from Penang Hill. :)

Khayla was a bit cranky throughout the whole Penang trip. I guess she was fatigued, because everytime we were in the car she would hug me and fall asleep. Poor baby.

Yesterday morning I think I heard Khayla call out, "Mi, mi !" but I am still not too sure whether she means Mummy. Hehe.

That's all for now. Hope all of you had an awesome Raya.
Bye !

xoxo

are you ready to say goodbye ?

Ramadhan is nearing its end I feel like I have not accomplished what I set out to do during this holy month.
I am far from perfecting my Qur'an reading skills, I haven't been giving as much as I should and I find myself more consumed by worldly matters as the days go by. *nangis*
But there's still a couple more days before Syawal, so I plan to make the most out of it, InshaAllah.

Work has been okay, Alhamdulillah.
I have found out the hard way that handling procurement of drugs (read: medications, not illegal drugs) is tough ! Now I know what my ex-colleagues who were in charge of a pharmacy store were stressing about most of the time. The past 8 months has seen me making mistakes, and learning from them. Sometimes I do feel like a total failure (sob, sob), but I have to keep reminding myself that mistakes are inevitable especially when you're new. I shall strive to provide better after this, especially next year after this year's drug tender contract ends. Ameen.

On a completely different note, I discovered that I am nearsighted, about 5 months ago. Isk isk. I think it's partly due to owning a smartphone ! Honestly, I always thought that my perfect vision would last me a lifetime (hahaha) because both Daddy and arwah Mummy only had to wear glasses when they were in their 40's to 50's. Hmm. I guess that's what you get when you take Allah's luxuries for granted. Isk isk.

How are your Raya plans this year ? 
Mr. Sunshine and I had planned to spend Raya eve in Gombak this year, since we've been in Batu Pahat for the past two years. But due to unforeseen circumstances, we'd be in Batu Pahat again this year. I don't want to elaborate much on the whys and whatnots because it'll only trigger my lacrimal glands to produce massive amounts of tears. I hope I can keep my calm while we're there.
Next year, InshaAllah we'll celebrate Raya in Gombak. It has been 6 years since arwah Mummy passed on, and that's how long we've never actually celebrated Raya.

Oh, how I miss Mummy. :'(

And with that said, I have lost my mood to blog.
Bye.

xoxo

fantabulous february.

Hi !
I'm back ! Hehe.

I know I've been such a bad blogger. Sorry !


Marc & Linn's reception, the best friend tying the knot, Khayla turning half a year old, me getting my first pay from UiTM and meeting new people at the recent workshop I attended, sums up why February was simply fantabulous ! Alhamdulillah.

My first time spending 4 days apart from Khayla wasn't too bad. I only cried on the first night ! Hehe.
Mr. Sunshine, Daddy, Marc and Linn did such a good job taking care of her while I was gone. I missed both Mr. Sunshine and Khayla tremendously but the tight schedule that I had to adhere to in Terengganu kept my mind from drifting (home). Alhamdulillah. :)

Will update soon with some photos, InshaAllah.

Bye !

xoxo

khayla meets harith.

Oh my, it's already the last day of January !

I am just recovering from a day of slight fever, cough, runny nose and vomiting yesterday. My throat's still sore but I am so much better today, Alhamdulillah.

Alhamdulillah, Mr. Sunshine has been posted to Petaling Jaya since last Thursday.
He is planning to ride his bike to and fro work, something which we don't see eye to eye about - due to safety reasons - but he insists that he can cut costs if he does so.We went to visit my best friend, Diana last Saturday and when we found out that her husband rides a bike to work too, I knew it was no use disagreeing with him anymore. :(
But it's such a blessing that he's here, Alhamdulillah. :)

Diana's baby boy, Harith is soooo adorable ! Always with a smile on his face, he was so active rolling around the living room.
He and Khayla were born a month apart. To have my best friend also have a baby the same age as mine is awesome ! We frequently exchange stories about how our little ones are doing. :)

Wheee ! Khayla clearly wasn't in the mood for a photo, unlike Harith. :)

Khayla & Harith - holding hands on their first date, haha.

We were back in Batu Pahat during the long Chinese New Year weekend. One of my sister in-law got engaged, yayyyy !! Alhamdulillah. :)

Her nikah is planned for March next year, InshaAllah. Khayla took quite a long time (3 days to be exact) to warm up to my in-laws ! She would cry (read: scream) whenever any of them held her, and would only calm down if I hold her.

I have been losing so much hair recently, and along with the fact that Khayla loves to tug at my hair, I finally decided to cut it short while we were in Batu Pahat. It has been years since I had real short hair. So now I would love to think I look like this..

..but instead I think I look like Peter Pan.

Well actually Lene has been calling me that ever since I chopped off my hair. Haha..

Work has been good, Alhamdulillah. The traveling can get pretty exhausting but it's still manageable lah.

People (including mum in-law) have been asking whether Mr. Sunshine and I are planning to get a house nearer to our my workplace but we have decided to stay in Gombak for a couple of years first or until we're really ready to settle down elsewhere.

xoxo

what i'll miss.

I can't believe that in less than a week's time I'll be saying goodbye to Kuala Berang  ! I am definitely looking forward to being back in my hometown, but I've gotta admit there are a few things about being in Terengganu that I am gonna miss.

1. The beach - I love the fact that we're just minutes away from the beach. It just takes a drive by the beach to calm my senses. 
2. Keropok lekor - Trust me, once you've tasted the original keropok lekor from Terengganu, you wouldn't want to even smell the ones back in KL.
3. Laksam Terengganu - Ahhh, I absolutely love this dish ! I know I am gonna crave this when I get back.
4. No traffic jam - I guess this goes without saying. 
5. Short distance from workplace - My current workplace is only a 5-minute walk away from where I stay, which is awesome.
6. Colleagues and friends - I am gonna miss the people I've gotten to know over here; too many to mention here but there's no doubt that I'll be thinking about every single one of you beautiful souls. Sobs.

I've spent two years of my life here and I've learned so much. Before I came here, I've never even knew the existence of the Hulu Terengganu district !
I shall forever treasure all the memories, the good ones and the bad not so good ones. Thank you Allah for the opportunity to learn to be independent (without relatives nearby) and also for all the good & bad experiences I have been blessed with throughout these 2 years.
To all my friends, colleagues and acquaintances from Terengganu, thank you so much for everything !

Here's to new beginnings. InshaAllah.

xoxo

and we're packing.

I have been on leave for three weeks now, to finish what's left of my annual leave this year.

I am in the midst of packing up and will be moving out of here by the end of next week, InshaAllah. We have stopped sending Khayla to the babysitter since early this month, making me a temporary SAHM. Mum in-law was here last week, so I had a helping hand in getting most of our stuff into boxes, Alhamdulillah.

There are about 10 boxes so far.

As next week approaches, I am slowly starting to feel a bit pensive. It's gonna be tough being apart from Mr. Sunshine. :'( I can only pray that he gets transferred to KL/Selangor ASAP. Ameen.
I've gotta get my emotions in check because I don't want Mr. Sunshine to get all worried because of me. I've gotta be strong !
It must be even harder for Mr. Sunshine, being away from not only his family, but me (cewah !) & Khayla as well. *nangis*

I have spoken to the person in the Ministry of Health's HR department who is in charge of my pelepasan dengan izin and she is trying to speed up the process. I need to report for duty in UiTM in January, by hook or by crook !

I miss Mr. Sunshine already ! Is this normal ??
Sigh.

I shall go sit in one corner and mope until Khayla wakes up.

Bye.

xoxo

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rolling with the homies.

Hello, here's a quick update on what has been going on during the past week:

• I finally got my pelepasan dengan izin application signed. Alhamdulillah. I hope it won't take too long to get processed. I'm gonna bug the people in MOH everyday from now on.
• Babysitter's issue has been resolved. Alhamdulillah. I'm still sending Khayla to the same sitter.
• Juggling my career along with being a Mummy is exhausting (and stressful). HATS OFF TO ALL YOU SUPERMUMS OUT THERE ! But I'm so thankful for a very supportive and helpful hubby who doesn't mind chipping in on doing some house chores. Alhamdulillah. Mr. Sunshine, I can't thank you enough, so this is for you:

*pretty apt now that they've tripled in size, huh ? Hehe.

• Khayla has started to roll over !! We just discovered this new talent of hers two nights ago. I was so excited I recorded it for my your viewing pleasure. Hehe. Well, to be honest there's a recording of her every day in my phone. I'm obsessed !

I'm soooo proud of my baby girl ! She can't roll from her back to the front YET but it's a great start ! :))

Enjoy the rest of the week, everyone ! Bye !

xoxo

i resign.

After 90 days of maternity leave and an extra day off, it was back to work for me last Monday. It felt as if it was my first day at work ever !
My memory of how to carry out work tasks were a bit fuzzy that day. Hehe.

I am currently recovering from a hectic past three weeks.
Marc and Linn were solemnized on Friday, November 11th, Alhamdulillah. Lene and I helped with the hantaran preparations. Their solemnization plans were kinda last minute, they got everything done within a month ! Phew ! Long story there, malas nak elaborate.
But Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly, and their reception will be held in February, InshaAllah.

Mr. Sunshine and I. :)

Faira, Aunty Maziey, Lene and I.

Alhamdulillah. Welcome to the family, Linn ! :D

The newlyweds. :)

Family picture - Khayla was getting tired, hehe.

Starting work also meant that I had to send Dian Khayla to a nursery/babysitter. We found a babysitter prior to Aidiladha but didn't have the time to send Khayla over for a 'trial period'. So we started sending Khayla there last Sunday.
I was so fortunate that Lene was still on her hols so she came over to help me with Khayla because Mr. Sunshine was away in Seremban for the whole week.
Surprisingly, leaving Khayla at the babysitter's was not as hard as I thought it would be. I guess all the mental preparation I had been doing worked !
Mental preparation - Repeat after me, "I have no choice, I have to work, and someone else has to take care of my baby. No two ways around it." 
Just two days after taking care of Khayla, the babysitter sent me this:

I immediately broke down, my heart was aching to go pick Khayla up immediately. :'(
I can understand that it's not easy looking after Khayla, I'm exhausted everyday. But to give up just after a couple of days is heartbreaking. Sigh.
Since that text message, my mind wasn't at peace. I would go to work in the morning, wishing that it was 1700 hours already so that I can be with my baby again. It's like I'm letting my baby be taken care of by someone who was not sincere. :(

Mr. Sunshine and I are scouting for another sitter, but as at now we haven't found one. So we'd still have to send Khayla to the same person next week.
I'm trying my best not to worry too much. Not easy !

My situation at work is not helping either.
I haven't blogged about this before because I wanted it to be a surprise but looking at how things are right now, I might as well just tell the whole world what's going on. Haha. (fake laugh)
In June, I went for an interview for a Pharmacist post in UiTM and in August, just a week after Khayla was born, they told me I was offered the post in UiTM Shah Alam's Health Centre. Alhamdulillah. Sounds exciting doesn't it ?
Well, it was exciting until the director of the hospital I'm working at refuses to sign my pelepasan dengan izin application.
For those of you who don't get it, I'm working under the Ministry of Health (MOH), so in order to work with UiTM, I have to resign from MOH and if I want my three years of service in the government to be accounted for, I have to apply to be 'released with permission' a.k.a pelepasan dengan izin. I can just resign because resignation does not need anyone's approval but my three years of service will go down the drain.
I signed my resignation letter and pelepasan dengan izin application in early October and it hasn't been signed by her. She (the director) has no power to approve my application, MOH does, but I need her signature as my Ketua Jabatan. Her reason is that I have to complete my compulsory service which is ridiculous to me because I am not trying to run away from completing it, I am trying to continue the service in UiTM. Recently, after pharmacists were allowed to shorten our three-year compulsory service to one, I thought that would make things easier but nooooo, she still insists that I have to complete my compulsory service first. Sigh. It's absurd that after almost two months, my application hasn't even reached MOH yet !
After discussing with Mr. Sunshine and Daddy, I have decided to just resign. Tawar hati dah !
My three month's resignation notice ends on the 31st of December, so I'll start work in UiTM in January, InshaAllah.


I hope I'm doing the right thing, I hope it's what's best for me. Ameen.

Things are so overwhelming for me right now, physically, emotionally and mentally. I'm such a mess ! *nangis*

xoxo

partiality.

Thank you Allah for giving me the strength to fast for the past 6 days.
So far there hasn't been any fainting spells, only occasional dizziness which go away if I sit or lie down.

Yesterday was the last Friday that I had to work before I give birth. No more working on the weekends ! Woohoo !
We welcomed two new Pharmacists to the hospital last week, one Provisionally Registered Pharmacist (PRP) and one Fully Registered Pharmacist (FRP).
Reshuffling of current posts is in the works.
I haven't really figured out how I feel about all the changes.
Hmm.

If all goes well, I'm hoping I get to go back to Gombak for at least one night before heading back to Batu Pahat before my EDD. Daddy agrees that it's a good idea to break the trip into two, so that we can rest in between.
Apart from that, I really want a chance to break fast with Daddy, Marc & Lene, since I didn't have the chance to do so last year. :(

Uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions are quite common these days.
I can only imagine how real contractions feel like.

The weekend's almost over for me, sigh ! Gotta get my mind ready for work tomorrow.
Bye.

Ramadhan blessing: The appreciative smile I get from Mr. Sunshine's when he's stuffed with the food I cook for berbuka.  

xoxo

did they hear that ?

I am finding it hard to put into words how I am feeling right now.
It's the sucky after-feeling of when you've maxed out your energy meter by building up so much anxiety for something.
It's how your heart just can't stop keeping still after that something ends, yet your mind's just blank.

I'm not making sense, aren't I ?

xoxo

who do you think you are ?

Good morning.
I was awaken earlier than usual this morning, because I dozed off just after 2100 hours last night.
Mr. Sunshine was not even back from his futsal game at the time.

I felt so drained, albeit yesterday being the only first day of my working week. I had trouble sleeping the night before.
In addition to that, I came back from work, with tears in my eyes. And continued to cry until I fell asleep. :''(

Initially, I thought I knew for sure why I was bawling my eyes out, but as the night progressed, I was confused.
I was aware I should not let her words get to me, but I did.
So I ended up questioning myself. Doubting myself. I was overwhelmed. Last night was just so messed up.
Sigh.

But today is a new day, so I shall try to leave the past behind and brace myself for what's ahead !
Sound believable enough ? Haha.

Have a good week everyone !

xoxo

table file ?

For the first time in history,*drumroll please* I have managed to complete ALL the tasks from work that I brought home, on the first day of my weekend ! Alhamdulillah. YAYYYYY !!
I should stop doubting myself.
Ok let's not get ahead of ourselves, hehe.

I deserve a treat.
Dum tee dum tee dum....
*skips to the kitchen*

xoxo

week one.

Mr Sunshine and I kicked of the New Year watching awesome fireworks.....

....in our dreams.
Hehe.
As usual, I was fast asleep on New Year's eve night as I had to work the next day.
(But I think even if I did not have to work on New Year's day, I would still have dozed off by 2200 hours.)
Nevertheless, my New Year's day was special.
Mr Sunshine surprised me with a buffet supper at Permai Inn, Kuala Terengganu !
He kept telling me that we were going to a 'special' place but being the joker he is, I didn't take his word for it. I was not dressed up to dine at a hotel !
Supper was so-so but we got to watch Manchester United beat West Brom 2-1 while dining so I won't complain. :D

Thank you for the New Year's Day supper, Sunshine ! ;)

The first week of January was hectic, with year-end returns to complete and the boss' endless commands (and demands) to obey and oblige to. I think it was getting too much for my body as I fell sick by the end of the week.
I was down with severe abdominal pain along with fever and cough last Thursday, landing me in bed the whole day ! :(
The pain subsided as night time approached but the fever stayed on until yesterday night.
I am feeling so much better today, Alhamdulillah.
I have to be better for work tomorrow, I predict another stressful hectic week.

Oh, and today I chopped off my no-longer-manageable waist length hair ! I look like this now..

Well, minus the gorgeous face. Hehe.

How did you start your 2011 ? I'm sure it was fabulous ! :D

Goodnight everyone !

xoxo

i feel like quitting my job.

Seriously, that's how I have been feeling for the past two weeks.
Mr Sunshine has received two text messages from me telling that, "Saya seriously nak berhenti kerja !" while I was at work.
I don't know what has gotten into me, but lately I have not been able to handle all the stress at work so well.
It could be due to the recent going ons in my life, with Daddy being unwell, with the distracting pain I have been enduring and of course, work itself.

Even one minuscule thought about work can make me soooo tensed up, I get worried that I might go crazy.
Take this morning for example, I woke up and work was the first thing that crossed my mind, I felt all the muscles in my body tighten while I stared at the ceiling trying to calm myself down.

I can burst into tears any time right now.

I'm happy for those of you who are at peace with your respective jobs and love doing it day in day out but I just can't say the same for myself.

I do not know how long I can go on faking smiles.

P.S: THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL YOU KIND THOUGHTS AND WELL WISHES HERE, ON FACEBOOK OR THROUGH THE PHONE ! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME ! YES, I MEAN YOU ! ;D

xoxo

because this is my one and only life.

I can count with my fingers the number of times I have gone out for lunch with my colleagues here. I usually walk back home to pray and/or take a short nap and/or surf the web during lunch time. And I have been doing so for the past 1 year for a couple of reasons. Reason number 1 being that, I don't eat lunch on most days (of my life, hehe). Another reason is because I have always considered me being here in Terengganu as something ephemeral, and the only purpose I'm here is to work and work and work. And the only thing I look forward to everyday is to go back home to Gombak.

This afternoon my boss had this to say to me when I refused to go along with her and my colleagues for lunch, "Awak kena keluar lah kadang-kadang, baru ceria sikit. Ini asyik fikir nak balik je, mana tak sedih."
Of course I had a rebuttal to that, but only now it occurred to me that she could be right.
I realized that I have been going through my days, not really appreciating them. Instead, I pass my days by looking to the future, constantly looking at the calendar, thinking of the next time I would be able to go home and be with my family and friends, or when will I finally get to transfer out of here.
I keep thinking that life would be better when I'm out of here. But I forgot to notice that my life is now, it's happening now, whether I am loving it or not.
I really need to start living in the present. Enjoy now.
I should neither dwell in the past, nor overthink what's ahead.

This might sound a tad ambitious coming from someone like me.
But I plan to try my very best. :)

"This is my one and only life, And its a great and terrible and short and endless thing, and none of us come out of it alive." Holly Kennedy (P.S I Love You, 2007).

xoxo

i don't want to be here.

Our modem decided to die on us last Sunday, so I'm blogging from my phone again.
We'll get a replacement modem by Saturday. Well that's what the guy at the IT store told Mr Sunshine.
No stable internet connection = no blog hopping = no Facebooking = no tweeting.
I was on medical leave yesterday and today because of this persistent headache that has been bugging me. For these past two days, I have been popping analgesics, rubbing axe oil all over my head and oversleeping.
I overslept to the extent I missed a call from my colleague this morning who wanted to check if I could come in to work today as her uncle passed away.
I only found out about it late this afternoon after I woke up. I'm feeling quite terrible now thanks to that. :'(
I have so much on my mind right now, but since I'm having my menses, I think it's just my hormones taking me for a ride.
So I'll keep my thoughts to myself.
xoxo

pharmacy unit aidilfitri feast.

It's the weekend again. I'm hoping this weekend will be better for me in the emotions department.

Although it sort of kicked off with me screwing up at work, I'm trying to look past that and learn from it.

I am currently in the middle of doing our laundry, just dried out one batch of clothes and now waiting for another batch to be washed. I thank God for the washing machine existence.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a few snapshots from our Pharmacy Unit's Aidilfitri feast we organised last week.

We had a few cakes which were all finished before I got to taste them. Hehe.

Other mouth watering desserts we served. The one on the right was prepared by Noor ! It's so delicious I tell you.

We had a bowl of tapai (fermented glutinous rice) which was a hit too.

 The Nasi Beriyani we ran out of when guests were still pouring in.

A Raya Feast would not be complete without ketupat and rendang. They usually have ketupat palas for Raya over here.

Our guests. That's Matun smiling so cutely on the right.

L-R: Noor, my ex-boss Kak Nadya, Me, Dr Nadia (the doctor in charge of the male ward which I am in charge of too) and Dr Nik Fauzilah.

The Director of our hospital having a go at our laksa.

Lastly, but not least a photo of the hosts, the pharmacists, Matun, Noor and I. :)

Ok this is making me really hungry.

xoxo