anx·i·e·ty [ang-zahy-i-tee]
–noun, plural -ties.
1. distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.
2. earnest but tense desire; eagerness: He had a keen anxiety to succeed in his work.
3. Psychiatry . a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder. source
At 30 weeks pregnant, I am plagued with anxiety 24-7.
I am starting have second thoughts about delivering my baby in a government hospital, no thanks to my brief yet traumatizing (haha) maternity ward admission last week.
I doubt I am capable to withstand the pain which comes along with labour. I have a wayyy low pain threshold.
I am afraid that I would not be able to stop myself from screaming in pain and the nurses/doctor would get annoyed and angry at me and I would get depressed and that would lead to me not having enough energy to push and...............................
I am unsure whether I have it in me to be a good mother. I have never been good with babies. I don't even know the proper way to hold a newborn ! *gasps*
Don't get me wrong, I love babies, but I have never actually had to take care of one.
Ok, I should stop over-thinking things.
But these concerns of mine are normal, right ? RIGHHHHTTTTTT ??
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Mr. Sunshine has been away in Kelantan since yesterday and will only be back this Thursday, InshaAllah. As he goes on these work trips pretty often, I have gotten quite used to staying home alone.
This time around, I am slightly nervous, especially because my hospital bag is only halfway ready. We have packed all of the baby's necessities but as far as my essentials are concerned, there are a few more things I need to add in the bag.
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| Baby's clothes washed and dried. This is just to show how cute and tiny they are !! Hehe. |
My Hospital Bag checklist
Baby's essentials
7 pieces of disposable diapers
DONE
2 pairs of rompers
DONE
1 pair of long sleeved top & bottom
DONE
1 bottle of telon oil
DONE
I pack of baby wipes
DONE
1 piece of a hooded baby towel
DONE
1 piece of a hooded baby blanket
DONE
2 sets of mittens & booties
DONE
1 set of baby toiletries
DONE
1 piece of baby binder (I wonder if I should pack more)
DONE
3 pieces of washcloths
DONE
Mummy's essentials
2 pairs of blouses -
1 pair of socks
DONE
2 pieces of kain batik
DONE
3 pieces of nursing bras
1 pack of disposable panties (not too sure whether this will be enough)
DONE
Toiletries - cleanser, toothbrush, toothpaste
DONE except for my cleanser.
1 Towel
DONE
1 pack of maternity pads (I packed my normal sanitary pads)
DONE
1 pack of disposable breast pads
DONE
1 sweater - I can't fit any of my sweaters anymore ! Haha.
1 instant hijab
Surah Yasin
Antenatal checkup record book
Apparently I should have been done with the packing and the bag should be in the trunk of my car or somewhere near my house door, you know, just in case. *starts to panic*
I should give my back & head a rest right now before I hurt myself.
Goodnight.
xoxo
