still searching.

Currently feeling: Melancholic
Currently listening to: How's It Going To Be - Third Eye Blind

I just got back from an outing and dinner with Farhan, one of my exes during high school.

Before I start rambling, let me start off by wishing Miss Fifi a very Happy Birthday !!
Hope you had a good one. Loads of hugs from me !

In less than a month from now, I would probably be acting like how I was a week ago.
I would probably be tempted to do what I did a few days ago.
It's not that I have not told myself time and time again that I should not let myself sink together with the wreckage.
This shouldn't be so bad. I have witnessed worse.
I have been through worse.
So what the hell am I still doing here ?
Time and tears that have been wasted can't be replaced.
Let this be a reminder.
I shall not falter, again. I shall not !

Disappointments happen when you expect too much.
I should try to go easy on the expectations.
Let you breathe.
Let you be you.
And take it from there.
Leave room for mistakes, we're all human.
Expectations aside, what if it's you that I just can't take ?
Is good enough really good enough ?
Should I just settle for that ?
Shouldn't all of us be seeking the best ?

I have realized that I don't like anyone to dictate what I should or should not do.
And if I did not ask you for your opinion, it means I just want you to listen.
I cannot take it if someone else has the thought that they own me.
No one owns me.
I am no one's property.
I don't belong to anyone, except myself. Oh, and Allah S.W.T of course.

I have also realized that, I haven't stopped searching.
Which is not such a good sign.

You used to be so caring.
Now I don't even hear from you. Even when I do, it's just, different.
To think that you used to say that nothing can come in between us, no one can replace us. Or something along the lines of that.
Oh well, people change.
Sad.

Change is not always good.

I know that God's will will be done, so I lay down my pain and I'm moving on.

Oh by the way, the outing with Farhan (and a friend of his) was good.

xoxo

headache again.

Currently feeling: Pained
Currently listening to: 30 Seconds To Mars - The Kill

This head of mine feels as if it's gonna explode.
I don't wanna rely on analgesics.
And I can't sleep. Not at this hour. Tak elok.
Sigh.

I'm gonna watch Enchanted one of these days with the sister.
I wanna go have lunch with Cheryl too. Could probably do both on the same day.

Argh.
I can't think.
I'll continue in another post I guess.

xoxo

nokia.

Currently feeling: Okay
Currently listening to: Better - Brooke Fraser

My phone died for almost an hour this morning. At 3am in the morning actually.
I don't know what happened but I couldn't turn it on at all.
Freaked me out a bit.
Then, all of a sudden there was a beep and it was on. It's trying to play tricks on me I guess.
It's fine now.
Maybe it's a sign that I should get myself a new phone.
Hmm.

xoxo

headache.

Currently feeling: Tired
Currently listening to: Don't Let Get Me - Pink

Phew.
Today has been one hell of a day.
Lene wanted to borrow my shoes which were in Shah Alam, so the both of us took the public transportation there to get them.

On the LRT,

• There was this delicious looking Arab guy with cool afro-ish hair. I didn't realize he was checking me out until Lene told me so (which was way after we got off the LRT. *straight face*). Yes, yes I do realize that I have a boyfriend. Heee.
• Lene also told me that the lady carrying a baby sitting next to her on the LRT smelled of jelly. Uhuh, that's what she said, jelly. Which made her disgusted.
  

At the Central Market bus stand,

• There was this creepy guy who was staring at our vaginas. No joke okay. Staring down there as if was about to jump on us. He was even staring at me (my mouth) when I was eating my chocolate bun. Hello ? What the hell ? It was scary and gross at the same time.

On the bus to Shah Alam

• There was this guy who suddenly shouted at the couple sitting behind him for no apparent reason. Gila apa. Then he was smelling (yes, smelling) the denim jacket he was wearing (seriously funny okay) and looking back at everyone so many times as if he's trying to pick a fight or something.
  

At the Shah Alam bus stand waiting for the bus to Section 7,

• A lady came out of the men's toilet, laughing happily. *puzzled look*
• There was this big sized guy staring at my butt. And Lene sort of shouted at him. Haha.
• A guy old enough to be our uncle offered to buy Lene keropok by saying, "Adik nak apa, abang belanja." Erm, abang ? Tak sedar diri betul la.

Heikal sent us home. (Thank you Smelly)

Haha.
This has to be the most crappiest post I have ever written.
Hooray to me !
*applause*

Sigh.

xoxo

marc's 21st !

Currently feeling: Sleepy
Currently listening to: Just My Imagination - The Cranberries

Marc turns 21 today ! Wheee !
Happy Birthday lil' brother !
Here's to many more birthdays to come, Aamin.

The whole family had a simple birthday lunch at Cozy House, Ampang Park where Marc and I shared a banana split.

I'll get you a present when I start working, okay ?

Heikal and I watched Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium last Saturday and had a late (and oh so satiating!) dinner at TGIF. The movie was a disappointment though.

I honestly don't get why people wear sunglasses indoors. Maybe it's supposed to be trendy (or whatever they call it these days) but I just find it ridiculous.

I woke up today to a call by the ex's mum. She was just checking on me and wanted to let me know that his younger sister is getting married next month. She wants me to come for the solemnization ceremony.

I have cried myself to sleep three days in a row now. Depressing okay.

xoxo

nickname.

Currently feeling: Hot
Currently listening to: I'll Be There - Jackson Five

Adam is doing pretty okay. Alhamdulillah. If everything goes well and his X-Rays turn out fine he might be discharged tomorrow. Yay !

After that, Heikal and I went to Lowyat Plaza to buy my printer's ink refill.
We had dinner at McDonald's, Sungei Wang where they apparently prefer serving paper instead of pepper to their customers.

Stupid right ?

Why would anyone nickname me Melisa when my name is Melissa ?
Sigh.

xoxo

get up and dance !

Currently feeling: Sore
Currently listening to: Wonderful World - James Morrison

I think I need to change my shampoo. My hair is as dry as hay. It didn't use to be this way.

I miss Diana. She has been working outstation in Bintulu for the past four weeks.

Adam just underwent surgery for his fractured hand (poor thing) and I am going to visit him in awhile.

According to Aunt Maziey, Faiz is well and recovering. Alhamdulillah. He will be undergoing therapy for his arm.

I wanna watch Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium !

I'm sweaty and smelly. I'm off to shower now.

xoxo

corny collins.

Currently feeling: Sleepy
Currently listening to: (It's) Hairspray - James Marsden (he's so hot, I can't help it)

I need sleep.
But I can't sleep.
I shouldn't be beating myself up so hard over this.
One day won't do much damage. Right ?
Ouch, my neck hurts.

If you can't stop shivering, how can you possibly keep me warm ?

xoxo

3 months recovery.

Currently feeling: Amused
Currently listening to: He Can Only Hold Her - Amy Winehouse

Wow, what were you trying to do ?
Don't you think I/we already know ?
I don't lay out everything here, just so you know.
Kamu buat saya ketawa sampai nak pecah perut, thank you.

xoxo

good enough.

Currently feeling: Sad (nothing to do with this post)
Currently listening to: Cold Cold Heart - Norah Jones

I just got back from dinner with Annisa at Secret Recipe. It was sort of like a way belated birthday treat for her.
I always enjoy outings with Annisa. It's amazing that we've only known each other for more than a year only yet we've grown this close.

From pep talks to dirty jokes, it's always a good time when the baby jumbos get together !

xoxo

call or sms ?

Currently feeling: Irked
Currently listening to: Nothing

How many bloody times do I have to repeat myself ?!
You're not dumb, please don't act like you are.

xoxo

didn't i make it clear to you ?

Currently feeling: Okay
Currently listening to: Nothing

He just asked me to be his girlfriend.
*straight face*

Firstly, I already have a boyfriend. A fact which I'm very certain that I have told him.
Secondly, you can't just show up into a person's life and assume that after a few text messages, you can be the person's lover. Silly, right ?
Lastly, I honestly do not feel the same way. At all. It doesn't even matter if he has changed for the better.

Sigh.
These people ah !
Maybe he's not the one to blame.
Maybe I sent out the wrong signals.
But I know I did not !
He misread the signals. Yes, that's it. He misread them.

I should stop talking 'nicely' then, should I ?

Pretty funny when I think about it again. Heeee.

xoxo

he's in the army.

Currently feeling: Okay
Currently listening to: Marlene's monologue (She's going crazy)

Recently, an ex-classmate of mine during high school told me that she was getting engaged next month and would probably get married next year. Congratulations, Fira !
The she asked, "Kau bila lagi ?". I instantly felt nauseated. No la, just kidding. I felt, erm, slightly disturbed.
She went, "Mesti dah ada plan kan, kan, kan ?" and I didn't know what to reply to that. I just told her, "Bila sampai jodohnya la."
On Kak Siti's wedding day, I was also asked almost a hundred times on when is it gonna be my turn. Unlike my normal self, who would jokingly reply, "Tahun depan. Haha.", this time I just brushed them off with a laugh.

Oh how I so want it to be next year. (or maybe the year after that)

But I guess it's not as easy as it sounds.
First and foremost, finding someone who is husband material definitely isn't easy. Being a husband comes with a huge responsibility of not only taking care but also guiding me and my future children.
Secondly, after graduating, my family's well being would have to be my priority. I'd have to make sure they have food on the table, the bills are paid, Daddy's health always in check and Marc and Marlene get through their studies.

So, me getting married next year would be close to impossible.
Sigh.

But then again, who knows ?
*crosses fingers*

Speaking about marriages, two nights ago, an my ex boyfriend when I was 15 and 17 (we broke up once and got back together, then broke up again) called. It came as a surprise for me as we haven't spoken in years.
We spoke for a bit and I think he might have gotten the wrong impression that I liked him or still had feelings for him or something.
He started texting me with mushy mushy sweet talk, then calling me and talking about marriage and saying things to me as if he was my boyfriend. Ergh. It gets really disgusting at times. How do you tell this guy off without hurting his feelings ?
Sigh. Hate these kinda situations.

I'm forced to scoop up some ice cream for my lazy (haha) sister and brother (and myself), so I'm off to do just that.
Bye.

xoxo

benjamin died.

Currently feeling: Sick
Currently listening to: All I Have To Give - Backstreet Boys

Runny nose.
Headache.
I don't feel so good.
Ergh.

xoxo

incredible and edible yo !

Currently feeling: Tired
Currently listening to: Perwira - Saloma (Daddy's watching a P. Ramlee movie)

Heikal bought me this.

That didn't turn out so bad didn't it ?
I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Not only for the top.

xoxo

tiga belas.

Currently feeling: Sad
Currently listening to: Petals - Mariah Carey

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and despised what you saw ?

xoxo

find some alone time.

Currently feeling: Exhausted
Currently listening to: One Sweet Day - Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men

xoxo

pulut kuning.

Currently feeling: Exhausted
Currently listening to: Without You - Mariah Carey

Kak Siti got married today.

Kak Siti with her hantaran

Daddy and Kak Siti

The bridegroom, Abang Shukeri

She officially became a wife with one lafaz only. Alhamdulillah. It was touching to see Daddy and Kak Siti all teary eyed.

Daddy as the wali

Kak Siti's married !

Upacara membatalkan air sembahyang

After the solemnization ceremony, Marc, Lene and I were already bathed in sweat (there goes my makeup !) while carrying the hantaran trays and walking to the hall where the kenduri was held. Camera flashes were everywhere. My tudung kept going out of shape and I had to fix it every now and then. Not exactly a sight that I would want to get recorded on cameras.
It was a pretty busy day for the siblings and I, walking around being ushers and handing out bunga telur to every guests on their table.
So yeah, from 1030am right up until 430pm, we were busy bees !
Tiring gila okay.
But I'm glad everything went well, Alhamdulillah.

Marc and Daddy

Daddy and I (oily faced and hair like a mop)

Oh, oh, I just had to post this photo of the oh-so-cute Abdul Rasheed, Kak Faridah's son. He's so adorable ! Cheeky too !

xoxo

sins of pride.

Currently feeling: Sleepy
Currently listening to: Nothing

I can't remember where I got this from but I think it's worth sharing.
It's a list of some of the sins that pride gives birth to (ouch !):

Covetousness - because you believe you deserve something more than others.

Ungodly ambition - because you believe that you are most qualified, and the idea of someone else being preferred over you is an insult to your perceived worth.

Boasting - because everyone should know who you are and what you have accomplished.

Contention - because in picking fights you feel a sense of superiority over those who may (or may not) be in error.

Unthankfulness - because you deserve everything you get!

Selfishness - because others do not!

Self-deceit - because it’s easier to believe you are something, when in fact you are nothing.

A judgmental attitude - because you believe the errors of others are much more serious than your own.

Gossip - because you look so much better when telling others how awful someone else is. Mayo said that the proud “endeavor to build their own praise upon the ruins of others’ reputation.”

Complaining - because God should have consulted you before orchestrating the events of your day/life.

Hypocrisy - because you must hide the truth, your own failures, in order to avoid shame and accumulate praise.

Pride, envy, avarice -- these are the sparks that have set on fire the souls of man. (Dante Alighieri)

xoxo

it's all coming back to me now.

Currently feeling: Sleepy
Currently listening to: Nothing

Daddy's blood test and checkup was postponed to April next year. The last checkup he had was in February this year which means no checkup for more than a year.
I am angry.
Angry at the fact that they couldn't call or mail or text or use other means of communication to let Daddy know that it was postponed instead of him having to drive all the way there for nothing. What a waste of time, fuel and energy !
Okay so maybe it was not a total waste, he did get to take his new supply of medications.
I really don't get these people.
Why the postponation ?
Haha, I know, postponation is not a word. It just sounded cool (and funny) in my head.
Sorry.
Let me rephrase that, why the postpone ??
Sigh.

I was in Shah Alam with Lene earlier, printing four copies of my thesis.
Then I left them with Pojie as she's gonna hand them over to Chona who will then pass them to Farhan who's responsible of bringing the whole class' thesis for the hard cover binding process.

I'm tired.
I'm hungry.
I'm sad.

xoxo

don't laugh.

Currently feeling: Annoyed
Currently listening to: Nothing

Daddy has to go for his routine blood test at IJN tomorrow morning.
I hope everything turns out well.

I have been watching DVDs/CDs like a freak.
From Monster In Law to Alfie to Transformers.
I have License To Wed on my lappie and I intend to watch that too, soon.

I did 30 minutes of dance.
That should be enough, for starters.
I need to curb this appetite of mine.
I've gotten so used to eating that this shivering hunger state is kinda hard to adapt to.
As at now I'm hungry and craving boiled sausages.
I'm sure I'll be fine in a few days/weeks.

Remember I told you that you annoy me sometimes ?
This is one of those times.
Silence is better. Words can hurt.
But then again, in this situation, silence can hurt too.

xoxo

the key is in being rational.

Currently feeling: Perplexed
Currently listening to: Breaking My Heart - Aqualung

Be stronger. You can be. No reason you can't be. It's all in the mind. You have a reason to hate him. To not want to see him. To not even want to think about him. You've been through so much. I know you're much stronger than you think you are. You think about it. You've been through more emotional ups and downs than I have. The key is in being rational. (Gan, 2007)

Now I don't wanna hate him, I just wanna get over him.
I can.
I know I can.
Right ?

xoxo

yackety yak.

Currently feeling: Perplexed
Currently listening to: P.S. (I'm Still Not Over You) - Rihanna

Hello.
I know this is like the umpteenth time I have changed my blog URL and I really apologize for any trouble caused. *blushes*

This was just something I had to do.

The holidays have officially started for me today.
After three weeks of sucky exams and two days of presentations, I'm free !
For a month that is.

There has been a lot going on in my boring-yet-full-of-drama life even though I haven't been updating much.

Hmm.
What better way to start a new blog than with pictures !
Load and loads of them !

Okay, here goes.
So for the past three weeks, I had this.

Frosted Chocolate Malt

And this.

Chicken Baked Rice

And this.

Cookie Summit

And a few mouthfuls of this.

Mac and Cheese

With this guy.

At Swensen's.
On different days, mind you.
Gosh, sedap gila okay !
I believe we'll be going there often after this.
Because I said so. Okay ?

The whole family was at Aunt Maziey's place on the night of November 3rd. Faiz was back for awhile.
It was the first time I've ever tasted Nasi Bukhara.
The spaghetti was delicious ! It had some kind of beans in it if I remember correctly. Not that any of you cared right.

Anis, Alice and I.

With cousins, Lynn, Faizal and Qistina.

Marc and I.

Faiz and I.

One of my schoolmates, Melina Su got married on that same weekend.
I was ecstatic that I got to meet Yus who was the bridesmaid that day.
It's been ages that we last saw each other.

The newlyweds.

Akey, Yus and I.

Some of my ex schoolmates.

The one and only, Akey.

With Halim.

Heikal.

On Deepavali, my classmate, Chona had her open house.

Nanab, Zana and I almost went into the wrong house as two doors away from Chona's had tents all put up. The three of us were actually already standing in front of that house looking inside trying to look for any of our classmates. Malu okay.

From left: Yamin, Zana, Nanab, Chona and me.


Ina, my roomie with her boyfriend.

Lene and I spent Deepavali night at Barath's.
We had yummy mutton curry. I had two, erm maybe three servings of it.
Cheryl and I couldn't stop munching on the murukku and nuts.
No pictures though. Sad.

Last Saturday was the last day of Syawal and I was at Akey's place having pizza, satay and Nasi Daging. Nyum.
We talked until it was almost 3am and I had to rush home as Daddy woke up hypoglycemic.

The sister and I have also managed to watch 1408, Stardust (and OMG Charlie Cox is delicious !) and 30 Days of Nights.

My research presentation last Monday went well, Alhamdulillah.
It was funny though when I confidently fed my lecturers bullshit crap while answering one particular question that I didn't know the answer to.
I think they believed me. Heee.
My project site presentation yesterday was okay too, despite the fact that we were bombarded with comments and questions by the HTAR pharmacists.
I was the only one answering and I almost snapped at them. Almost.
All in all everything went fine.
I'm just glad everything's over.

I put too much belacan in the kangkung belacan I cooked just now.
Hmm.
Lene and Marc just have to shove it down their throat I guess.
Heee.

I'm gonna continue YouTubing.
Or probably sleep the rest of the day off.
Eh, I can't. I'm supposed to exercise later.
Hmm.

Happy holidays !


xoxo