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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

dear you.

Currently feeling: Contemplative
Currently listening to: Ways and Means - Snow Patrol


Who are we to decide whether we're good enough for anyone ?
That's what you keep telling me.

Yet, I still can't stop myself from thinking that you deserve to be with someone not like me.

Since the day we had that heart to heart conversation in which you had to deal with my confession(s), my mind hasn't been at peace.
I am extremely touched by the fact that even after all that you've heard, you still want to be with me when you can choose not to.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you're someone with no faults. It's true that everyone has their goods and bads.
I love you for your strong beliefs and principles, the way you think, the way you want to take care of me by not taking advantage of me and not letting others take advantage of me too. I love you for giving me a sense of direction and assuring me that you would hold my hand and for giving me the feeling that you'd be able to guide me onto the right path throughout life.
In my eyes, as naughty as you can be, you have a heart of gold and you are entitled to be with someone who's just like that.
Sadly, I am way far from being like that. Sigh.

At the same time, I'm at that stage where I don't think I can handle another heartbreak.
The stage where I don't wanna risk things not working out.
I'm at a stage where if this doesn't last, I would rather spend the rest of my life alone.

You can't imagine how insecure I feel with these thoughts of me being unworthy of you.
I am terrified, I get this feeling that you can just get up and walk away the minute you find someone better.
Terrified to the extent that I have even thought that maybe I should be the one to leave.

How I wish to hear you say you would never leave me and mean it.

I am aware that the power does not lie in our hands.
I am aware that you can't guarantee me anything. And I can't either.
We only have the power to plan and the rest is up to Him.

Sigh.

I just need a sign.
Something that would tell me this is meant to be.
Because..
I
just
want
this
to
last.

xoxo

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