raya ?

Currently feeling: Melancholic
Currently listening to: Falling Down - Muse

I believe this would be the second worst Raya ever.
The first (which goes without mentioning), was the year Mummy left.
This year I am having a hard time pinpointing why I can't seem to get myself out of this dreary state I have been in for almost a week now.
Maybe it's because I have finally graduated and she's not here to witness it all.
Not here to celebrate with me. With us.
Maybe it's because I had some plans for this Raya as I thought I would be earning already. I have failed in realizing any of them.
I yearn to decorate the house with pretty Raya cards like we used to.
I yearn to have visitors over without having to worry about how the house looks like or what we have to serve. She would have had everything taken care of.

These past few days have been awful.
I am starting to feel bad for my neighbours who I am pretty sure are very sick of having to listen to the sounds of a girl weeping uncontrollably while talking to her boyfriend in the middle of the night (every night).

As at now, tears are overflowing already !
I am hopeless.

I just want to be left alone this Raya, please.

Anyway, hope the rest of you are and will have a good time.
Salam Aidilfitri everyone.
Have a blessed Raya.

xoxo