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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

raya ?

Currently feeling: Melancholic
Currently listening to: Falling Down - Muse


I believe this would be the second worst Raya ever.
The first (which goes without mentioning), was the year Mummy left.
This year I am having a hard time pinpointing why I can't seem to get myself out of this dreary state I have been in for almost a week now.
Maybe it's because I have finally graduated and she's not here to witness it all.
Not here to celebrate with me. With us.
Maybe it's because I had some plans for this Raya as I thought I would be earning already. I have failed in realizing any of them.
I yearn to decorate the house with pretty Raya cards like we used to.
I yearn to have visitors over without having to worry about how the house looks like or what we have to serve. She would have had everything taken care of.

These past few days have been awful.
I am starting to feel bad for my neighbours who I am pretty sure are very sick of having to listen to the sounds of a girl weeping uncontrollably while talking to her boyfriend in the middle of the night (every night).

As at now, tears are overflowing already !
I am hopeless.

I just want to be left alone this Raya, please.

Anyway, hope the rest of you are and will have a good time.
Salam Aidilfitri everyone.
Have a blessed Raya.

xoxo

Thursday, September 25, 2008

jkwp.

Currently feeling: Sad
Currently listening to: Nothing


My placement letter arrived today. Alhamdulillah.
I called up the Jabatan Kesihatan Wilayah Persekutuan, Kuala Lumpur and I was told to report there on the 6th.
I'm pretty sure we're gonna have to start working the very next day (or maybe that evening itself ?).
I'm trying very hard to relax and not think about me not having a place to stay and having no idea how to get to work, yet because I will only find out which hospital I'd be placed in on the 6th itself.
Crazy.
But that's working life I guess.
I'd have to keep reminding myself to be grateful and to take things as they come.

The whole idea of starting work is scaring me a bit.
I believe I can remember more about what's going on in Britney Spears' life (as a result of being a very,very ardent reader of the online tabloids) than what dose of carbamazepine to give to an epileptic patient.
Yikes.

I have this real special ability to automatically and continuously place food in my mouth even when I am not hungry.
This ability annoys me at times.

I need a new weighing scale.

xoxo

Monday, September 22, 2008

2116.

Currently feeling: Flabby
Currently listening to: Nothing


I changed my mobile number for the zillionth time.
I apologize if I have caused any trouble to anyone.
I'm gonna try to stick to this one.
For at least one year. Haha.
But seriously, I am gonna try to keep this one.
I kinda really like the number.

I haven't received my placement letter yet and I am in a sort of confused state right now. My friend from UIAM told me that her friends who were placed in HUKM or PPUM, were told to report at those hospitals, so she claims that I would be posted in Putrajaya. But another classmate of mine actually was told to report to Putrajaya and I wasn't.
Confusing enough ?
I guess I'd just wait for the official letter. But knowing me, I can't really get this whole thing outta my head.

Hmm.

I need to get a place to stay, eh ?
I'm gonna try to get a room all to myself this time around.

I have skipped working out for three days in a row now.
I was pretty tied up over the weekend and I was just plain lazy today.
This seriously cannot go on. I wouldn't wanna balloon up (again).
I don't need to be 46 kilograms like I used to because looking back at my old photos, it's true when people say I don't really look good at that weight.
I'd be pretty satisfied if I can maintain my weight at 48/49 kilograms.
I think.
I hope.

Raya is next week and I hope I am still eligible for some duit Raya since I am still unemployed. Hee.
It still doesn't feel the same without Mummy around.
Sobs.

Uncle Razak and Uncle Tan came over last Sunday with heaps of food for buka. Chee Cheong Fun, Nasi Dagang, Nasi Kerabu, some local kuih and cupcakes !
It was so sweet of them. I was so satiated !
It's sad that I had to cancel on Annisa yet again on that day. Sigh.

I honestly just wanna stay at home this week.

Has anyone watched Mamma Mia ?
I plan to bring the sister out to watch it after she's done with her exams.

I miss my Sunshine.

xoxo

Thursday, September 18, 2008

kay ell.

Currently feeling: Perplexed
Currently listening to: Warwick Avenue - Duffy


So I gave in to my curiosity, my friends were one by one telling me the states in which they're posted to since yesterday and kept pestering me to call. I insisted that I wanted to wait for the official letter, or in other words, I was too lazy.
But this morning I picked up the phone and gave KKM a call.
I got to know that...


...I am posted in KL ! Alhamdulillah.
I am to report for duty at Jabatan Kesihatan Wilayah Persekutuan, Kuala Lumpur on October 3rd. On that day too, they'd let me know the exact hospital I'd be working in for the next one year.
I'm not left with many choices, though. My friends who are placed in Hospital Kuala Lumpur were already told to report for duty there itself.
So I'm assuming I'm gonna be at either HUKM or PPUM.
Or Putrajaya, if they count it as in Kuala Lumpur lah. (I know it has its own Wilayah).
So yeah.
The sad news is, Mr Sunshine is posted to Terengganu.
*straight face*
He's feeling pretty down about it. So am I !
*sad face*

.........

*cries*

OK lah wish me luck, people !
I'm going out for buka with Adam in awhile.

xoxo

terribly jelly.

Currently feeling: Stuffed
Currently listening to: Nothing


Someone has gotta help remind me that excessive sugar intake is bad for me.
I just gobbled down half a bag of jelly beans.
And I feel terrible.
*dies*

Bila Man Utd nak score ni !

xoxo

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

soaking hippo.

Currently feeling: Stuffed
Currently listening to: Nothing


This household has finally subscribed to Astro ! Alhamdulillah.
Daddy's pretty excited. OK, OK, so am I lah !
Jakun kan saya ini.

Mr. Sunshine came over for buka just now. He brought my favourite, Kuih Badak Berendam ! *smiles* I ate four out of the five 'badaks'. Haha.
He took me to Jusco after buka, to get some Raya cards and get my silver ring cleaned.
He is currently going on and on claiming that my Ayam Masak Lemak Cili Api was yummy. So tipu !
He's trying to get me to cook for him again. Fat hopes, awak. *senyum manja*

I miss my lappie so much. Sobs.

The sister is currently sitting for her SPM trials.
She is so rajin OK. I'm so embarassed because I don't remember being as studious as her when I was sitting for my trials (or SPM for that matter).
She has her book(s) with her everywhere she goes.
Bangganya ada adik macam itu.

Was online with Marc for a bit just now.
It has been two weeks since he last came back home.
He's recovering from a fever he had the past week.
Poor him, swamped with loads of work to do while he's not well.

My classmates just informed me that KKM has posted our placement letters. *gulp*
And, that we're gonna report to work on October 3rd (some say 5th). But that's like a couple of days after Raya !
But whatever it is, I am still grateful that I'm going to start working (and getting paid) soon. Alhamdulillah.

But if we're starting to work so soon, that means I wouldn't have enough time to lose a few more kilos.
Darn it.
What ? I didn't say I'm fat OK.

My back hurts.
I should stop slouching. My posture's getting worse.

xoxo

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

abundance in life.

Currently feeling: Flabby
Currently listening to: Nothing


Warning: This post is all over the place. Read with patience. Jika anda tiada patience, sila tutup link ini sekarang, terima kasih.

It's common to see that most of us do not appreciate what we already have and yearn for things that are beyond our needs.
I am sad to admit that I succumb to being like that every now and then.
I complain a lot. Too much, if I may say so. Most of the time about the way I look.
I do go through a lot of epiphanies which most of the time bring me down to tears on the realization of how ungrateful I can sometimes be.
What more do I need apart from the limbs that help me move every day, ears to help me listen to the tunes I love, eyes for me to witness beautiful sunsets and rainbows, a mouth for me to babble and eat (the list goes on) ?
Complaining is something that I should try to put a stop to.
Old (and bad) habits die hard but I am already 24 (gasp !) and I do not want to die being a bitter worry wart who complains and annoys everyone.

I am fortunate to be surrounded by beautiful positive people who remind me that things are not as bad as they seem, and who are always there to lend me a hand when I need one. *smiles*

I am hoping to be less self critical in the future.
I should learn to not beat myself up too much and allocate more time for myself.
I do not want anyone cheering on me to lose weight.
I need people who love me for who I am, regardless of
how much I weigh, how many pimples/scars I have or how discoloured my teeth are. I am beautiful in spite of all that. I want to believe that beauty lies deeper than what we see on the surface.
Sometimes I do feel the need to lose weight for reasons that I will not disclose here. Reasons that I am sure have not crossed any of your minds at all.

I shall stop calling myself fat from now on.
You should too.
I still want to be fit, and most importantly healthy. Not thin. Not skinny either.

Just because I do not blog about politics or the happenings around the world (and in our country), it doesn't mean that I am ignorant about what is going on.
I am more comfortable keeping my opinions to myself. So far the only person I have been talking politics about with is Mr. Sunshine, and he knows when I do start, I have a hard time stopping myself. And I end up so agitated. That is another reason why I refuse to say anything in this happy (haha) blog of mine.
I am not in favour of our current country's leader (who has done nothing but brought shame to his party and this country) but I am neither a fan of the person whose personal agenda is to take over the country by any means. It's obvious that most of us want need change, but if change means leaving this country in the hands of a power crazy person who has been maintaining close ties with (insert name of country here), would that bring us any good ?
I don't think so.
Though I have got to hand it to him, he has been very successful in being a manipulative orator.
It's depressing to see how things have become. How do we fight outsiders when we keep on bickering within ourselves ? History has proved that's exactly how this country was successfully colonized.
These people need to open their bloody eyes, stop thinking about themselves (and their cronies) or about power and ego, and think about this country and its people for once.

Oh, darn it.
Sorry.

Fasting has been pretty good so far. Alhamdulillah.

I completed my medical checkup last Wednesday. I am perfectly fit for work. Alhamdulillah. The doctor who checked me was really sweet although she didn't do much except for checking my breasts for lumps and prescribing me with a few drugs/topical solutions for my acne.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
Have you ever done a Breast Self Examination (BSE) before ? If you haven't, make sure you make it a habit to do so every month from now on.
Cancer is especially close to my heart as I have a high genetic risk of getting cancer (liver, ovarian AND brain). So yeah, if you do not know how to perform the BSE, click here. Or you can just Google it up. *smiles*

I miss Mummy.
I have been refraining myself from writing that in this blog all this while as I didn't want to be portrayed as being weak. Such a weak excuse, I know
But I have been blogging about it a lot on my hush hush blog, where I feel free to be weak and volatile.

Mr. Sunshine was a darling last Wednesday because he was not feeling too well (and he was fasting, of course) but he still brought me to my checkup, to Subang to drop off my lappie and to Shah Alam to settle a few things. Plus we had buka (steamboat buffet !) with his friends that night, which means the both of us were out the whole day ! So kesian him OK. By the time we got back, which was after supper (translated: snooker and early sahur) time, we were both dead for more than 12 hours.
Thank you Sunshine ! *smiles*

The one thing I hate about cooking is when you smell of food (onions, chillies, garlic !) all over and you just have to shower even though you're as lazy as hell to do so.
But I love torturing people with my culinary adventures.
Poor Daddy and Lene. Haha.
I won't cook for anyone else except my family members. It's for your own good, trust me. Nak rasa saya masak, sila masuk meminang. Haha.

You know when you just want to stay at home and not meet anyone ?
I think I need a week of that, please.
I am contemplating on whether I should try turning off my phone for a week.
That would be pretty cool, eh ?

But I want to meet Adam.
And I promised Annisa I'd have
buka with her this week after canceling on her last Friday.

So maybe the whole disconnecting period can be pushed to next week ?

I helped the the ex with his lab report this evening.
He's doing pretty good nowadays and I am happy for him.
His mum called last week, still asking when am I going to drop by her place for makan. She was tempting me with all her dishes that are my favourites !

Spicy Chicken McNuggets is back and I sooooooooo want another 9 pieces. 20 piece also can lah !
KFC's Spice Crunch is very yummy too OK !
Thank you Sunshine (again) !

OK lah, this post is starting to make me dizzy.
And Mr. Sunshine wants to talk on the phone with me, so bye !

xoxo

Friday, September 12, 2008

a frog under the coconut shell.

Currently feeling: Flabby
Currently listening to: Nothing


My body's aching.
Heart too.

My lappie's at the service centre (again) and I haven't even started on the mission Feli has sent me on last Tuesday.

m e l i s s a said: i knw i have this fren who's like gila SATC
m e l i s s a said: she nearly died when i told her ive never watched an episode
Fifi said: omg
Fifi said: NOT AN EPISODE?
Fifi said: i can understand a season
Fifi said: but NOT AN EPISODE
Fifi said: MEL
m e l i s s a said: NO
Fifi said: YOU HAVE TO WATCH
Fifi said: now that ur free
Fifi said: PLS go and dl
m e l i s s a said: ok dont tell me u oso wanna die
Fifi said: i wanna DIE
Fifi said: MEL GO AND WATCH
Fifi said: complain complain u so free, THERE i give u MISSION
Fifi said: hahaha
m e l i s s a said: omigosh so fun
m e l i s s a said: got mission !
m e l i s s a said: hahahaha
m e l i s s a said: but dl so long lah !!
Fifi said: -_-
Fifi said: r u being sarcastic missu
Fifi said: *missy
m e l i s s a said: eh no lah
m e l i s s a said: trust me
m e l i s s a said: i am really excited
m e l i s s a said: doesnt take much to get me excited ok these days
Fifi said: NOO
Fifi said: ok do u have bit comet
m e l i s s a said: :$
Fifi said: torrents
m e l i s s a said: yup yup
m e l i s s a said: i do
Fifi said: ok go isohunt
Fifi said: torrent
Fifi said: and DOWNLOAD it
Fifi said: isohunt.com
Fifi said: search for the seasons
Fifi said: and downloadddddddd
Fifi said: and when 1 finish watch it while dl'ing 2
Fifi said: like that la
Fifi said: got 6
m e l i s s a said: oooooh ok !
m e l i s s a said: hehe
m e l i s s a said: im getting all hyper
m e l i s s a said: :|
m e l i s s a said: ive been watching oth season 1 to 5 over n over again
Fifi said: -_-
Fifi said: OMG
Fifi said: ok
Fifi said: 1. SATC
Fifi said: 2. SUPERNATURAL
m e l i s s a said: supernatural is the one with jensen ackles rite
Fifi said: yes and jared padalacki *drools*
m e l i s s a said: haha
Fifi said: im telling u those boys are SO hot
Fifi said: and PB season 4
Fifi said: so much to watch
Fifi said: BUT FIRST PRIORITY SATC
Fifi said: pls tell me u've watched friends
m e l i s s a said: hmm how many seasons did they have ?
Fifi said: 10
m e l i s s a said: i think i watched the olddd seasons
Fifi said: -_-----------------
Fifi said: MELISSA
m e l i s s a said: ok died edi hah
Fifi said: whats that last plot u remember
m e l i s s a said: :S
m e l i s s a said: errrrrrrr
Fifi said: i die edy
m e l i s s a said: ok rachel was not with ross edi
m e l i s s a said: ross had a lesbian wife or something
m e l i s s a said: omg am i getting this rite
m e l i s s a said: :S
Fifi said: OMG
Fifi said: SEASON 1 mixed with SEASON 5
Fifi said: hahahaha
Fifi said: MELISSA ur friendsology is v bad
m e l i s s a said: :S
Fifi said: 1. FRIENDS 2. SATC 3. SUPERNATURAL
Fifi said: tsktsk
Fifi said: hahaha
m e l i s s a said: i feel like dying now
m e l i s s a said: hahaha
m e l i s s a said: eh friends can still get meh ?
Fifi said: ross' lesbo wife is season 1
Fifi said: hahahah
Fifi said: me oso
Fifi said: haha
m e l i s s a said: like so long edi
Fifi said: can la
Fifi said: i think can
m e l i s s a said: omg im so katak
m e l i s s a said: n i complain of having nothing to do
m e l i s s a said: :|
Uhm. She almost died. Twice.

I had steamboat buffet with Mr. Sunshine and his friends last Wednesday and I'm still stuffed until this very moment.

I don't feel like blogging anymore.

xoxo

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

tomyam.

Currently feeling: Sleepy
Currently listening to: Far More - The Honorary Title


I am sleepy.
It's against my nature to be up this early on a holiday.
Daddy woke me up as I had to go to the post office and get some errands done just now.

My eyes are stinging.

Oh yeah, I'm fasting today !

Diana came over yesterday evening and she had hopes of going to the Ramadhan Bazaar here but when we got there, it just occurred to me that it was a Monday and it was the 'night market day'. So, we walked around the night market instead.
We ate at Wira Tomyam. I can't remember the last time I had rice with food like that. I don't even eat when I cook at home.
We took photos outside the house before she left, which was after Isya'.



It's good to see that her man makes her happy.
After all these years of being with the wrong guys, she has finally found someone she's gonna spend the rest of her life with and I am sooooo happy for her !
Her wedding's gonna be at the end of next year. Alhamdulillah.


I tried going back to bed but I just couldn't.
I'm thinking of when is the best time to exercise today.
Diana thinks I should not lose any more weight.
Well, so does Mr. Sunshine but he didn't think I needed to lose weight in the first place so his opinion doesn't count. Kidding !
I just to need to shake off a couple more kilograms and that's it, you won't hear me whining anymore. Haha, yeah right, I don't even believe myself when I say that.

I'm gonna do some YouTubing lah.

xoxo

Sunday, September 07, 2008

open.

Currently feeling: Disturbed
Currently listening to: Warwick Avenue - Duffy


Akey had an appointment at Mid Valley Megamall last Friday and she was alone, so I took the LRT and Komuter there to accompany her for buka.
I was there relatively early (before 6 p.m.) but being the stubborn person I am, I ignored Mr. Sunshine's advice to go book a place to eat as soon as possible. I had planned to go to Kenny Rogers Roasters. I was there at 6.30 p.m. and the place was fully booked. *straight face*
So were most of the other eateries.
I rushed to Nando's which was just opposite Kenny Rogers, crossing my fingers, hoping there would still be seats. Fortunately, there were a few tables unoccupied yet. So I made my order and waited for Akey (her appointment ended at 7 p.m.) while watching Just Married on my Zen.
After buka, we took the Komuter to Bangi to get her car and stuffs and she drove us back home.



Oily-faced me and Akey

I am very grateful that my best friend of ten years still knows how to get through to me and make me feel sane when I feel like I'm on the verge of going bonkers.
It's funny to reminisce the times we used to be on the phone with each other for hours. (Most of the time with me crying my lungs out.)
We used to go have cake together after school. Cheap sponge cakes. Haha.
I used to be at her place a lot studying, gossiping, pigging out (I love the fact that her house always has snacks to munch on ! Hee) and watching Astro. Even during my university years, the ex and I would sleepover at her place to study together. Her mum used to say I was her adopted daughter to people who came over back then.
She has been a person who never judges me. Who listens. Who never fails to help me keep life in perspective. Who sees the good in me and helps me give my best even when I'm at my worst. Who cries with me when I cry and laughs with me when I laugh.
She has been no less than an angel to me.
I love her to death.

Lene and I had ate (we were both not fasting) at the Signatures Food Court, KLCC last Saturday night since Daddy and Marc were in Shah Alam. I had spaghetti. No matter where else I have spaghetti, I still think that the food court has the best cheesiest spaghetti ever.

Diana will be coming over after work tomorrow and I'd be accompanying her for buka just around here.

Berbuka sana sini mengalahkan orang puasa. Heh.

Mr. Sunshine's back in town. He would be bringing me to my checkup this Wednesday and we'd have buka together, InsyaAllah.
I should be fasting by then.

I wanna watch The Love Guru !

xoxo

Thursday, September 04, 2008

weigh them.

Currently feeling: Melancholic
Currently listening to: Make This Go On Forever - Snow Patrol


Hello all.
I haven't started fasting, yet.

I had buka with Mr. Sunshine last night and he claims that I seem to be shrinking every time he sees me. So tipu !
Well, I have lost a bit of weight. A bit only OK.
But I can fit into my one of my old jeans already. *jumps in joy*
Still haven't tried my gold kebaya's bottom.
One thing that has been bugging me is my increasing bust size.
I think they now weigh 1 kg, each.
I am serious. You see, I have managed to get my body measurements back to what they were last year (my bust is an exception) but I weigh 2 kgs heavier.
I have logically concluded that excess weight is contributed by these two mammiferous lumps of fat.
I refuse to believe it's muscle weight.
*shakes head*

More than a year ago, a friend and I stopped talking to each other. (I shall not break into the details because as at now, they're immaterial.)
It was heartbreaking as we were very close, we used to have our girls' outings where we would eat, gossip, and rant all we want.
I haven't been able to get her and our friendship out of my mind since then.
The more I tried to tell myself to move on, the more I feel like reaching out to her.
Last week I decided to send her a message (after chatting with another friend who also have not been in contact with her) through Facebook, just to apologize and to tell her that I miss her.
I did not think she would reply but she did !
One message led to another and then we decided that we had meet up.
So, we (along with the other friend) met for buka last Tuesday.
I was so nervous all the way to KLCC. When we finally saw each other, there were hugs and a few tears and apologies.
So that was it, we continued to talk and laugh over a pretty heavy dinner, just like the old times.
Here's to my old friend, Dayana or Dee as she is affectionately called. Let's not have any more silent treatments, OK ?
Love you.


Cheryl, Dee and I.


P/S: Thanks so much for dinner, you both.

I have been busy with cooking lately.
*thinks of what to cook tomorrow*

Here's a little note for my dear friend, Felicia who hasn't been feeling too well lately.
I really hope you're feeling better now.
And remember, baby steps OK ?
We must go out for chocolate soon.
I LOVE YOU. *hugs*

xoxo

Monday, September 01, 2008

spot.

Currently feeling: Hungry
Currently listening to: Nothing

I can't start fasting today.
Sobs.

xoxo