2011 wrap up.

Hi all !
Linn is taking care of Khayla while I take some time off to give you all a gist on what has happened in my life throughout 2011, like I did last year.

1. On January 9 this year, Mr. Sunshine and I turned one, Alhamdulillah. My Mr. Sunshine is the best ! :))
2. I got pregnant (Alhamdulillah) and gained a whopping 16 kgs throughout my pregnancy ! Well I actually found out I was pregnant in December last year but waited after my first trimester to let the cat out of the bag. :)
3. I turned 27, and as usual Mr Sunshine had some surprises for me. Mr. Sunshine turned 26 this year, and I conveniently forgot to blog about it ! I bought him a HP Pavilion notebook, because his PC was giving him so much trouble. :)
4. Craved a whole lot of food that weren't available in Terengganu.
5. The family came over for another visit this year and we had a blast ! ;D
6. Almost went through a nervous breakdown. Haha.
7. I made my first curry puff this year ! Hehe.
8. In June, we found out we were having a baby girl which was due in August. :)
9. I was warded for a night (and traumatized) due to a fall.
10. Mr. Sunshine and I had our babymoon in Colmar Tropicale, Bukit Tinggi.
11. I went through 21 hours of labour and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Dian Khayla on August 13. Alhamdulillah.
12. The week after my baby was born, I was offered a job as a pharmacist in UiTM, Alhamdulillah.
13. Marc and Linn got married ! Alhamdulillah. :))
14. I got my resignation from KKM and pelepasan dengan izin approved yesterday, Alhamdulillah, and will be reporting for duty in UiTM next Tuesday, InshaAllah.

Alhamdulillah.

This year, I'm ushering in the year 2012 with my family here in Gombak. Mr. Sunshine is in Terengganu because he has to work tomorrow. I miss him tremendously ! Sobs. :(


May 2012 be a better year for all of us, InshaAllah.
Happy New Year everyone ! :)


xoxo

retention.

Hi, I'm still sad as hell about losing my photos.
Is this a sign that I should quit blogging ? 

Mr. Sunshine says that I'm lucky that I still have my written posts, and to lose them is far worse.
I guess he's right.

Oh well.

xoxo

i accidentally deleted all my photos !

Hello everyone, hope all of you are having a good day.

I'm currently mourning over the fact that I accidentally deleted ALL my photos which were uploaded on my blog. That's 4 years worth of memories ! So far there's no way of recovering them. *nangis*
I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm devastated.

OK bye.

xoxo

what i'll miss.

I can't believe that in less than a week's time I'll be saying goodbye to Kuala Berang  ! I am definitely looking forward to being back in my hometown, but I've gotta admit there are a few things about being in Terengganu that I am gonna miss.

1. The beach - I love the fact that we're just minutes away from the beach. It just takes a drive by the beach to calm my senses. 
2. Keropok lekor - Trust me, once you've tasted the original keropok lekor from Terengganu, you wouldn't want to even smell the ones back in KL.
3. Laksam Terengganu - Ahhh, I absolutely love this dish ! I know I am gonna crave this when I get back.
4. No traffic jam - I guess this goes without saying. 
5. Short distance from workplace - My current workplace is only a 5-minute walk away from where I stay, which is awesome.
6. Colleagues and friends - I am gonna miss the people I've gotten to know over here; too many to mention here but there's no doubt that I'll be thinking about every single one of you beautiful souls. Sobs.

I've spent two years of my life here and I've learned so much. Before I came here, I've never even knew the existence of the Hulu Terengganu district !
I shall forever treasure all the memories, the good ones and the bad not so good ones. Thank you Allah for the opportunity to learn to be independent (without relatives nearby) and also for all the good & bad experiences I have been blessed with throughout these 2 years.
To all my friends, colleagues and acquaintances from Terengganu, thank you so much for everything !

Here's to new beginnings. InshaAllah.

xoxo

dian khayla - 4 months progress report

My baby girl is 4 months old already ! Alhamdulillah, and MashaAllah she never fails to amaze me everyday. Khayla currently weighs 6.3 kgs, Alhamdulillah.

She can hold her head up pretty steadily now, and she tends to turn her head to the right, left, up and down to look at EVERYTHING, hence carrying her is a bit of a challenge these days. She's such a curious little baby !

She's also very easily distracted, she would turn to look the second she hears a sound or sees light. And because of that, breastfeeding is not so easy anymore. She can already use her hands to grasp things and she's putting that to full use by grabbing anything that's in her sight (including my hair, ouch !). She seems to be enjoying putting things into her mouth too.

She would beg (read: cry) for us to carry her around the house when she's bored of lying and rolling on her mattress. Yes, she can roll over from lying on her back to the front too, but that talent still needs a little brushing up. Hehe. She almost gave me a heart attack when she rolled off her mattress onto the carpet yesterday morning !

During the past month, she has stopped taking long naps during the day, like she used to. Even when she's in her cradle - she would have 30 to 45-minutes naps, 3 to 4 times a day. But Alhamdulillah she goes to bed earlier these days, around 2300 hours to midnight, and wakes up once or twice for milk.

She gets tickled when we make funny noises or blow at her tummy and neck. But she's also an expert at staring blankly at us when we try to make her smile/laugh. We call that look the "Whatever!" or "That's not funny, Mummy/Ayah!" look, which looks something like the photo below. Hehe.

I think that's about it for this month's update, I can't wait to discover other surprises Dian Khayla has for Mr. Sunshine and I. :))

xoxo

and we're packing.

I have been on leave for three weeks now, to finish what's left of my annual leave this year.

I am in the midst of packing up and will be moving out of here by the end of next week, InshaAllah. We have stopped sending Khayla to the babysitter since early this month, making me a temporary SAHM. Mum in-law was here last week, so I had a helping hand in getting most of our stuff into boxes, Alhamdulillah.

There are about 10 boxes so far.

As next week approaches, I am slowly starting to feel a bit pensive. It's gonna be tough being apart from Mr. Sunshine. :'( I can only pray that he gets transferred to KL/Selangor ASAP. Ameen.
I've gotta get my emotions in check because I don't want Mr. Sunshine to get all worried because of me. I've gotta be strong !
It must be even harder for Mr. Sunshine, being away from not only his family, but me (cewah !) & Khayla as well. *nangis*

I have spoken to the person in the Ministry of Health's HR department who is in charge of my pelepasan dengan izin and she is trying to speed up the process. I need to report for duty in UiTM in January, by hook or by crook !

I miss Mr. Sunshine already ! Is this normal ??
Sigh.

I shall go sit in one corner and mope until Khayla wakes up.

Bye.

xoxo

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rolling with the homies.

Hello, here's a quick update on what has been going on during the past week:

• I finally got my pelepasan dengan izin application signed. Alhamdulillah. I hope it won't take too long to get processed. I'm gonna bug the people in MOH everyday from now on.
• Babysitter's issue has been resolved. Alhamdulillah. I'm still sending Khayla to the same sitter.
• Juggling my career along with being a Mummy is exhausting (and stressful). HATS OFF TO ALL YOU SUPERMUMS OUT THERE ! But I'm so thankful for a very supportive and helpful hubby who doesn't mind chipping in on doing some house chores. Alhamdulillah. Mr. Sunshine, I can't thank you enough, so this is for you:

*pretty apt now that they've tripled in size, huh ? Hehe.

• Khayla has started to roll over !! We just discovered this new talent of hers two nights ago. I was so excited I recorded it for my your viewing pleasure. Hehe. Well, to be honest there's a recording of her every day in my phone. I'm obsessed !

I'm soooo proud of my baby girl ! She can't roll from her back to the front YET but it's a great start ! :))

Enjoy the rest of the week, everyone ! Bye !

xoxo

dian khayla - 3 months progress report

Khayla has evolved into a crybaby, since she turned 3 months. A real crybaby ! As you can read in my previous post, even the babysitter has trouble with her excessive crying. Her usual daily sleep time is around 12 to 1 am, and to put her to sleep is a constant struggle. She would cry and cry in between feedings (and some chit chat) for about 3 hours until she falls asleep. We've tried everything; rubbing her tummy with oil, rocking her, changing her diaper, walking around the house while carrying her, patting her to sleep etc etc; but she would just keep on crying until she decides she's sleepy enough to go to bed.
Mr. Sunshine and I even brought her to a man who claims he can help by reading Quranic verses to her. But so far, there's no change. It's worrying.
Some people tell me that she's just the type who loves to cry and it will (hopefully) get better as she gets older.
It can get pretty stressful for both Mr. Sunshine and I especially when we're sleep deprived and tired from work, but we're taking it one day at a time. InshaAllah. Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear ! :)

Mr. Sunshine shaved her head a month ago. This was how she looked like then.

This is how her head looks like now.

No big difference but her hair is growing, slowly. Hehe.

She can hold her head up for longer periods now, and 'talk' and laugh while she does so (if she's in a good mood).

She does not cry that much anymore when getting dressed. I guess she finally figured out she can't get away from it, hehe. :)

She also enjoys sucking her hands at times. I used to think she was hungry but she would refuse milk, so I'm guessing she just enjoy sucking on them. Oh, and Alhamdulillah, Khayla is still fully breastfed. :)

When she's not crying, hehe, we can leave her on her mattress and she would entertain herself with the telly, laugh at the fan and talk to her dangling toys. :)
She would turn to look whenever we call out her name.

She only gained 500grams in the past month, so she is currently weighing 5.9kgs. As long as she's healthy and not losing weight, I'm happy. :)
In the past week I've noticed that she doesn't sleep as long as she used to when put in her cradle. Not too sure whether that trait's here to stay.

Khayla's currently down with runny nose. Poor baby, she had so much trouble falling asleep last night. :(
She finally dozed off at 0330 hours.

Pray she gets better soon, ok ? Bye !

xoxo

i resign.

After 90 days of maternity leave and an extra day off, it was back to work for me last Monday. It felt as if it was my first day at work ever !
My memory of how to carry out work tasks were a bit fuzzy that day. Hehe.

I am currently recovering from a hectic past three weeks.
Marc and Linn were solemnized on Friday, November 11th, Alhamdulillah. Lene and I helped with the hantaran preparations. Their solemnization plans were kinda last minute, they got everything done within a month ! Phew ! Long story there, malas nak elaborate.
But Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly, and their reception will be held in February, InshaAllah.

Mr. Sunshine and I. :)

Faira, Aunty Maziey, Lene and I.

Alhamdulillah. Welcome to the family, Linn ! :D

The newlyweds. :)

Family picture - Khayla was getting tired, hehe.

Starting work also meant that I had to send Dian Khayla to a nursery/babysitter. We found a babysitter prior to Aidiladha but didn't have the time to send Khayla over for a 'trial period'. So we started sending Khayla there last Sunday.
I was so fortunate that Lene was still on her hols so she came over to help me with Khayla because Mr. Sunshine was away in Seremban for the whole week.
Surprisingly, leaving Khayla at the babysitter's was not as hard as I thought it would be. I guess all the mental preparation I had been doing worked !
Mental preparation - Repeat after me, "I have no choice, I have to work, and someone else has to take care of my baby. No two ways around it." 
Just two days after taking care of Khayla, the babysitter sent me this:

I immediately broke down, my heart was aching to go pick Khayla up immediately. :'(
I can understand that it's not easy looking after Khayla, I'm exhausted everyday. But to give up just after a couple of days is heartbreaking. Sigh.
Since that text message, my mind wasn't at peace. I would go to work in the morning, wishing that it was 1700 hours already so that I can be with my baby again. It's like I'm letting my baby be taken care of by someone who was not sincere. :(

Mr. Sunshine and I are scouting for another sitter, but as at now we haven't found one. So we'd still have to send Khayla to the same person next week.
I'm trying my best not to worry too much. Not easy !

My situation at work is not helping either.
I haven't blogged about this before because I wanted it to be a surprise but looking at how things are right now, I might as well just tell the whole world what's going on. Haha. (fake laugh)
In June, I went for an interview for a Pharmacist post in UiTM and in August, just a week after Khayla was born, they told me I was offered the post in UiTM Shah Alam's Health Centre. Alhamdulillah. Sounds exciting doesn't it ?
Well, it was exciting until the director of the hospital I'm working at refuses to sign my pelepasan dengan izin application.
For those of you who don't get it, I'm working under the Ministry of Health (MOH), so in order to work with UiTM, I have to resign from MOH and if I want my three years of service in the government to be accounted for, I have to apply to be 'released with permission' a.k.a pelepasan dengan izin. I can just resign because resignation does not need anyone's approval but my three years of service will go down the drain.
I signed my resignation letter and pelepasan dengan izin application in early October and it hasn't been signed by her. She (the director) has no power to approve my application, MOH does, but I need her signature as my Ketua Jabatan. Her reason is that I have to complete my compulsory service which is ridiculous to me because I am not trying to run away from completing it, I am trying to continue the service in UiTM. Recently, after pharmacists were allowed to shorten our three-year compulsory service to one, I thought that would make things easier but nooooo, she still insists that I have to complete my compulsory service first. Sigh. It's absurd that after almost two months, my application hasn't even reached MOH yet !
After discussing with Mr. Sunshine and Daddy, I have decided to just resign. Tawar hati dah !
My three month's resignation notice ends on the 31st of December, so I'll start work in UiTM in January, InshaAllah.


I hope I'm doing the right thing, I hope it's what's best for me. Ameen.

Things are so overwhelming for me right now, physically, emotionally and mentally. I'm such a mess ! *nangis*

xoxo

artsy fartsy.

Pardon my absence. Am super busy!

Will update as soon as I get the chance to.

xoxo

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kiss from a rose.

I was 10 when I first heard this song. 17 years have passed and it still gives me goosebumps every single time I listen to it.



xoxo

sos ! ebm distress !

Starting tomorrow, I will be traveling around for the next two weeks. Mr. Sunshine, Dian Khayla and I will be heading to Kerteh tomorrow afternoon, as Mr. Sunshine has an exhibition to prepare for and handle on Saturday (29th).
We'll be spending the night at Gombak (yay !) on Saturday and leave for Malacca on Sunday. Mr. Sunshine has a 4-day convention and we're tagging along with hopes of getting to do a bit of sightseeing along the way. Also because we're planning to head back to Batu Pahat after Mr. Sunshine is done with his convention.
Then it's back to Gombak on Saturday (5th) for Raya Haji, after spending three nights in Batu Pahat. After that, I'll be staying back in Gombak, while Mr. Sunshine goes back to Kuala Berang on the 7th (Monday) and comes back to Gombak on the 10th (Thursday), for an important family event which is happening on Friday, the 11th, InshaAllah.
We'll be saying hi to Kuala Berang on Saturday, the 12th.
And I start work on the following Monday !

Oh boy, I'm panting from just typing all of that !
Not that I needed to write down every detail, but I wanted to ! Hah.

Now, my primary concern is how I'm gonna squeeze the task of stocking up my freezer with my EBM into all that traveling.
Mr Sunshine and I only have a one-door fridge here in Kuala Berang, hence, sad to say, the ones that I have stored in the freezer are definitely going to waste. Sobs !
Hopefully I can still save the ones I placed below the freezer by carrying them along in a cooler bag.
I have no idea how to make sure I have enough EBM for Khayla once I start work, now that I have to hop from one place to another in this crucial last two weeks. :(

Help !

xoxo

the chronicles of my weight (gain).

Khayla has been asleep since 1300 hours just now.
I have managed to freshen up, express milk, have lunch, perform my Zuhur prayers and tidy up the house a little. I've tried going back to bed but my eyes just won't shut.
Since I have nothing better to do, I thought I'd put up a post on my pre and post pregnancy weight fluctuations. Narcissistic, much ?

I am gonna file this post under my 'notes to self' label to remind me that I still have a few kilos to shed and not to overeat like tak sedar diri. :)

Before I got hitched, my weight was around 54 to 55 kgs, which was considered normal for my height. I've always been curvy, blessed with (huge) boobs and (huge) hips. My other body parts are considerably smaller, which is why I think a number of people wouldn't believe me when I told them I weighed 54kgs. There were even some who thought I weighed 10 kgs lighter !
But as Oprah puts it, it's not about the number on the scale, ......okay so I forgot the rest of the quote but you get the picture, don't you ? Haha.

Moving on !

1. I got married in January 2010 and I lost 2kgs for my wedding.

January 2010 - 52 kgs

2. By November 2010, I gained back the 2kgs I lost. Hehe.

November 2010 - 54 kgs

3. In March 2011, and at 16 weeks pregnant, I had already gained 3kgs.

March 2011, 16 weeks pregnant - 57 kgs

4. The weight was steadily piling on as the weeks progressed.

April 2011, 20 weeks pregnant - 59.5 kgs

5. May 2011 - There was just no stopping me at that time. I was happily putting on 5 kgs within a month ! The nurses at my antenatal clinic weren't so pleased. Hehe.

May 2011, 24 weeks pregnant - 64.5 kgs

6. In June 2011, my weight skyrocketed, again !

June 2011, 28 weeks pregnant - 68 kgs

7. July 2011 - I just couldn't stop getting fatter. Haha. But by this time, the weight increment was slower than the previous two months. Phew !

July 2011, 32 weeks - 69.5 kgs

8. In August 2011, it dawned on me that I had gained about 16 kgs throughout my pregnancy ! Woahhhh !

August 2011, 32 weeks - 70.5 kgs

9. About a month after I delivered my precious baby Dian Khayla, I only managed to shed about 7 kgs off ! *nangis*

September 2011, 3 weeks post-partum - 63 kgs

10. To date, I have lost a total of 10kgs, and I still need to lose another 6 kgs to get to my pre-pregnancy weight.

October 2011, 2 months post-partum - 59 kgs

I've got around 2 inches to lose around my hips in order for me to fit into most of my old baju kurungs a.k.a my work clothes. If I don't lose 'em, looks like Mr. Sunshine's gotta take me on a shopping spree ! Hehe.

I'm lucky I can still squeeze myself into a couple of baju kurungs, because I had a wedding to attend yesterday.
Here's to hoping I get to say goodbye to my extra kilos, soon !

xoxo

dian khayla - 2 months progress report

Khayla now weighs a whopping 5.4 kgs.

She didn't get her immunization shots during her 2 months check up because the vaccines were out of stock. The clinic's gonna give us a call when they've replenished their stocks. I'm still thinking whether it's necessary to bring Khayla to a private clinic to get jabbed.

These days, we get a lot of gurgling, cooing, ooohs and aaahhhs from her along with lots of smiles and if we're lucky we can get a cute laugh out of her.

She can lift her head up for short periods while she's lying on her tummy.

I've also noticed that she can stay focused on objects and people (and the telly !) for a longer extent of time.

She still enjoys her bath time and still wails when we try to get her dressed no matter how hard we try to distract her.
Alhamdulillah, she's still fully breastfed, and I am (very, VERY) slowly stocking my freezer up with my EBM.

Mr. Sunshine and I have decided to get her an electric cradle. Khayla sleeps better and longer in the cradle during the day which has resulted in her being less cranky and fussy, Alhamdulillah. Not to mention, more time for me to catch up on much needed sleep, complete house chores, express milk, and eat at a slower pace to avoid indigestion. Hehe.
However, I don't use the cradle to put her to sleep at night, and if I do put her in it during the day, it's only when she's almost asleep, just to give the nudge she needs to sleep soundly.
I don't want her to depend on the cradle to fall asleep.

We have also tried giving her an orthodontic pacifier to calm her at times. She refused to suck on it the first few times, but is slowly getting used to it. 
I know some parents would be against the idea of giving their child a pacifier, but I also know a number of parents who have successfully raised their children while using a pacifier with no problems at all. Plus, it's not like she's sucking on it 24 hours a day, and I would always offer her my breasts first. :)
Everything has their advantages and disadvantages. What's best for one baby might not be suitable for another.

I can't believe it has been 2 months already ! Alhamdulillah. :)

xoxo

decisions, decisions, decisions.

I have a couple of important decisions to make.
I am praying for a sign to let me make the right ones.
Ameen.

xoxo

babies don't really need to bathe, right ?

Hello everyone. I'm writing from my hotel room in Sutera Inn, Kota Bharu where I'm accompanying Mr. Sunshine who's attending a course here.
This would be our first stay at a hotel with Dian Khayla, and I have been adjusting the air-cond temperature every two minutes (yes, exactly two minutes) because I'm worried that she'll freeze or fall sick.
Another worry is that how am I gonna bathe Khayla tomorrow morning. Most of the people I've asked have told me I could use the sink, but I have little confidence in my abilities to bathe her in such a small space.

How lah ?

We're fortunate that the room they provided us with comes with one queen-sized bed plus a twin-sized one. I'm planning to put Dian Khayla to sleep on the twin-sized bed, surrounded by lots of pillows so she won't roll and fall off the bed. Choy !
She can't exactly 'roll' yet lah kan, but there have been a few mornings on which I have woken up to find her head not on her pillow anymore and her legs and butt were off her mattress !
It's a good thing we're all sleeping on the floor at home. Hehe.

I'm such a worry wart.

There's a peculiar stench in this room. Hmm.

xoxo

and it's down to the three of us

I am back in Kuala Berang with Mr Sunshine and Dian Khayla.

Mr Sunshine started work last Wednesday which means I have been left alone at home during the day with Khayla for two days already.

It's just you and me, baby. :)

Khayla has not been sleeping much during the day for the past two weeks (about half an hour at a time and a maximum of 1.5 hours in total), but she has been sleeping for longer stretches at night (3-4 hours). This is a total opposite from how she was a month ago when she would sleep soundly during the day and have trouble going to bed at night, Alhamdulillah. However, without anyone around during the day, it can get pretty hectic because I have to squeeze eating, bathing, house chores etc within her short naps. Not easy !

I am still trying to adapt to the daily lack of sleep and panda eyes that come with taking care of a baby. I think I'm starting to look something like this now..

Tetap maintain comel ok. Hehe.

Mr. Sunshine stopped in Kuantan on our way back to Terengganu last Sunday and Khayla had her first official (brief) outing !
She was awake and enjoyed sightseeing while Mr Sunshine carried her around Berjaya Megamall but dozed off as soon as our Kenny Rogers' meals arrived, as if she was giving her parents a chance to eat together, peacefully. Hehe. Oh, but not before she was fed. It was my first time breastfeeding in public and I managed to be discreet about it, thanks to my hijab and nursing blouse I bought from Autumnz. :)

Khayla, asleep in Kenny Rogers. :)

Speaking of breastfeeding, I've encountered a few humps in my breastfeeding journey. Hyperlactation (only in my left breast), just to name one. Khayla frequently has a difficult time feeding comfortably due to that. She's also the type who wants to be fed at frequent intervals, so it can get pretty exhausting for me. Overfeeding and reflux has been an occasional problem for us, because it comes with projectile vomiting. How can you not panic when your one month old's vomit 'flies' almost half a meter across the room and comes out through her nose too ?

I am hoping to be able to exclusively breastfeed Khayla for at least 6 months, even better if I can continue to do so until she's two, InshaAllah.
But I haven't started to store any expressed breast milk (EBM) yet, so that's definitely a cause for worry for me !
I tried expressing my milk last week while we were in Gombak and had trouble trying to give Khayla the milk through a bottle. She refused the bottle if I was the one holding it, but was drinking fine for two days when Lene fed her. So far, I haven't tried again. But I know I will have to real soon ! I'm currently trying to find time to express milk when I am alone at home with Khayla, but without any success. Gulp.

Gotta stay positive !

My maternity leave ends in about a month's time and we haven't found a babysitter yet. Mr Sunshine and I better do something about this, pronto !
I cannot imagine having to leave my baby with someone else. Sobs. :(
I have no idea where to start when it comes to searching for a babysitter here in Kuala Berang. :(

Gotta stay positive !

Who am I trying to kid, those who know me well know that optimism and I don't go hand in hand. Hehe.

I am aware that this whole post is about Khayla, but at the moment there's nothing interesting going on in my life except for her, so please bear with me. Hehe.

Have a good weekend, everyone. Bye !

xoxo

and i'm free !

Day 45.
Confinement is over, baby !
Alhamdulillah.

I am back in Gombak. Home sweet home. Nothing feels better than being back here. It would be great if Mr. Sunshine could be here with me, but this is good enough. Alhamdulillah.

On our way back to Gombak from Batu Pahat. :)

My confinement period was not as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe because my mum in-law wasn't so strict and I wasn't so strict on myself either ! Haha.

Diet - I had fish on most days, which is an achievement for someone who is not a fan of fish. I am more of a chicken person. Now that the confinement period is over, I am thinking of staying away from fish dishes for a year. Haha. I had to stay away from 'cooling' food (I still don't understand this concept of heaty and cooling food) and food that will make my episiotomy wound itch. I was supposed to limit my fluid intake, but I found that ridiculous, how can I breastfeed and avoid constipation without drinking sufficient water ? So I chugged down at least 2 liters of water a day.

Urut - I was actually looking forward to this part of the confinement only to realize that it is not pleasant at all ! It was super painful ! I wasn't excited about the following urut sessions.

Bengkung - I quite enjoyed being wrapped in a bengkung. The only problem I had with it was having to remove and put it back on when I go to the toilet. I am still wearing my bengkung now. :)

Param and pilis - Hate them. Full stop.

Socks - I took them off everytime I went to bed. I like to rub my feet against each other before I go to bed, so wearing socks was out of the question. Haha.

So far I have lost only about 9 kgs. I have 7 kgs more to lose to get to my pre pregnancy weight. Right now it's looking like an impossible feat.

Baby Dian Khayla is doing good, Alhamdulillah. She's still fully breastfed and at her one month check up, she weighed 4.2 kgs.

Khayla after her one month check up.

She almost lost her voice a couple of days ago which I think is due to all the crying she has been doing. She is the type of baby who really, really cries with all her heart. Hehe.
She smiles and laugh occasionally, loves her bath time but hates having to put on her clothes after that. She usually sleeps through the day and stays up through the night. Except for these past few days where she had no trouble going to bed at night because she was awake most of the time in the day.
Today might be different, because she's asleep now.

Motherhood (and breastfeeding !) is challenging. But I feel blessed for every single second of it. Alhamdulillah.

Khayla's awake, gotta go now, bye !

xoxo

confinement blues.

Day 22 of confinement.
I am halfway through ! Alhamdulillah.
Mr. Sunshine is back in Kuala Berang as he starts work tomorrow, so it's me and Khayla at my in-laws.
I have got to admit that I'm not coping so well emotionally.
I think it's partly due to the lack of sleep which every new parent is bound to experience with a newborn.
I have been so accustomed to getting at least 7 hours of sleep every night before this, so adapting to 1 to 2 hours of sleep is tough !
Khayla is not the only baby in this house, because I have also had my share of crying spells. Sometimes I just break down for no obvious reason. Exhaustion maybe ?
It's painful not to have Mr Sunshine by my side because he is the one who has been my rock, comforting and consoling me without fail, rubs my back when I am nursing Khayla in the middle of the night, hugs me the minute he sees tears in my eyes and of course he is my partner in putting Khayla to sleep. :'(
Mr. Sunshine, if you're reading this, I miss you and I need you. *nangis*

I know I should be grateful to have my in-laws here taking care of me and trust me, I am ! But I am sure wives out there would understand how it is like being away from your husbands. Especially in times like these.

I hope I don't end up with post-partum depression.

22 days old Dian Khayla is doing good, Alhamdulillah.
She feeds, poops, pees, cries and sleeps every day. Hehe.

This year is my first year celebrating Eid as a mother, Alhamdulillah. I had to borrow my sister in-law's baju kurung this year as I foolishly didn't get one for myself (and Mr. Sunshine) and also because I can't fit into the one I brought from Kuala Berang.
Daddy, Marc, Lene and Linn came over on the third day of Eid and spent half a day here. :)
Here are a few of my Eid snapshots.

Khayla with Atuk ! ;)

Khayla with her Uncle and Aunts. :)

My awesome in-laws. :)

My everything. :)

I pray for the strength to get through the days ahead. Ameen.
I need to stay strong for Khayla.

GOTTA


STAY


POSITIVE !

*nangis*

xoxo

aidilfitri 1432H.

Salam Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin everyone !
Have a safe, joyous & blessed Eid. :)

And a very Happy 54th Merdeka day Malaysians ! :D

Love from Mr Sunshine, baby Khayla & I.

xoxo

sixty one.

Happy 61st Birthday Mummy.

Tomorrow will mark 5 years since you left us.
Al-Fatihah.

Allah is so Great, he took you away in the month of August and has blessed me with my beautiful baby Khayla in this very same month too.
She was actually due yesterday, a day before your birthday. :)

I want you to know that I miss you even more these days, with the birth of Khayla, and Raya just around the corner. All around the same time of your birthday and the anniversary of your passing. :'(
When I was going through the pains of delivering Khayla, my thoughts and prayers were always of you.
I am reminded of you when I stare at Khayla.
I think I am stuck with the baby blues because there are times tears would just fall down my cheeks for no reason at all.
Oh how I wish you were still around to see how amazing your granddaughter is.
She may look demure, but wait until you hear her cry !
It's not easy putting her to sleep at night. But Daddy told me, "You won't know the meaning of patience until you have a child."
I wish you were around to give me tips and advice and help me bring up my daughter to be a beautiful person inside and out, just like you.
No matter how great my in-laws are, deep down inside, I still wish I could be with you during this period of confinement.
I am not gonna lie, it's pretty tough putting on a strong face when my insides are all in bits and pieces. But I know it's another phase I have to go through.

I wish I was as strong as you.

I miss you Mummy.
Al-Fatihah.

Ramadhan blessing: Having a mum and sisters in-law who would go the extra mile just to take care of me during confinement. Alhamdulillah.

xoxo

the birth of dian khayla.

As some of you may already know, it all started with the bloody show on August 11th (Thursday).

It turned out to be a bloody long show.
I kept on bleeding the whole day that day.
At around 1300 hours that same day, I felt a gush of fluid coming out, but when I checked it was still mucus and a blob of blood.
I figured that it was about time I checked into the hospital.
We left for Hospital Sultanah Nur Zahirah, Kuala Terengganu at around 1420 hours and reached about an hour later.
I was advised to go straight to the admissions room, where there so many other expectant mothers waiting.
Can you take a guess what time I managed to get myself examined by the doctor ?
At 2200 hours !!
I was in the room waiting, with blood coming out of me, for MORE THAN SIX HOURS !!
Poor Mr. Sunshine who had to wait outside during the whole process. I got to accompany him during berbuka time in the car. (My last McDonald's meal before confinement !)
Ridiculous tak ?
Ok ok I won't start complaining.
Anyway, when the doctor finally did the VE on me, I found out that I wasn't dilated yet and by using a speculum (OUCH !), she didn't find any 'pool of liqua' indicating that I am not leaking amniotic fluid.
I was admitted that night.

Friday, August 12, 2011.

I had trouble sleeping the night before due to on and off cramps. No contractions, but there was still blood tinged mucus present.
Mum in-law arrived by bus from Batu Pahat that morning at 0630 hours. 
I might have soaked about half a pad with blood since admission. I had blobs of blood coming out too, whenever I went to pee.

0830 hours
A junior medical officer came to see me and told me that the blobs of blood was normal. He thinks that I can be allowed to go home that day and might only be going into labour in about 3 days time but he needed to discuss with a more senior colleague first.
He even told me that there was no problem with me wanting to go back to Batu Pahat that day to deliver my baby.

0930 hours
The same medical officer came along with another senior female doctor who told me I needed to stay another night just for observation.

1120 hours
I was lying on my side, replying smses from friends when I felt fluid gushing out down there. I sat up straight, and fluid was still gushing out.
Then only it occurred to me that my waterbag had broke ! I immediately walked to the nurses' counter and told me what had happened and a few minutes later a medical officer performed another VE and a speculum test (double OUCH !!). It was confirmed, I was leaking amniotic fluid and my cervix was 1 cm dilated.

1300 hours
I wet my bed with my amniotic fluid. Thought things like that only happened in movies.
Contractions were about an hour apart. Pain was bearable.

2230 hours
My contractions were getting more and more painful, and they were 10 minutes apart. I was literally shivering in pain. A nurse performed another VE on me only to find that my cervix was STILL only 1 cm dilated ! I immediately broke down into tears and had to call Mr. Sunshine to come in for awhile. I just couldn't comprehend how it could only be 1 cm dilated after hours of pain that has been getting more intense !

Saturday, August 13, 2011

0250 hours
My painful contractions which kept me awake were about 5 minutes apart by now. I was quivering in pain, reciting the Surah Kursi and doa Nabi Yunus over and over again.

0348 hours
A VE was done, my cervix was 4 cm dilated. The nurses told me they're gonna wheel me into the labour room once I was 5 cm dilated. I was given a glycerin (Ravin) enema to empty my bowels. The nurses understood that I was in a lot of pain that they gave me the number to their counter in front and told me to call them when the pain gets worse.
I couldn't imagine the pain getting any worse than that.

0430 hours
My contractions were getting unbearable. I called up the nurses, and to my relief, I was already 5 cm dilated. I texted Mr. Sunshine (who was waiting outside the whole time) and told him to get ready as I will be entering the labour room soon.

0500 hours-0830 hours
Mr. Sunshine was with me in the labour room. I was screaming in pain. Yes, I screamed and apparently I was the loudest in the room, according to Mr. Sunshine. Haha. I was twisting and turning on the bed which made it difficult for the doctors and nurses to get a stable heartbeat from the baby. They needed to know that the baby was alright before injecting me with any analgesics. I was already 6 cm dilated so it was too late for an epidural.
They injected me with Pethidine, a narcotic analgesic, which didn't work at all for me. It just made me a bit groggy.
As a last resort, one of the nurses passed a nitrous oxide gas mask to Mr. Sunshine and told him to give it to me whenever I had my contractions. That worked better for me, although the pain was still excruciating !

0830 hours
I seriously felt like emptying my bowel, and I kept telling Mr. Sunshine that I couldn't stand it anymore, I am gonna poop ! The nurse checked me and I was already 10 cm dilated ! Finally !

0855 hours - 0859 hours
She gave me instructions on how to push (which I could barely hear because I was high on Pethidine, haha). But I gave it a shot nevertheless, and I could hear the nurse telling Mr Sunshine to take a peek at the baby's head which was crowning. She told me to push again, after performing an episiotomy, and with all my heart I pushedddddddd !
And out came my little precious gem !
And with that, all the pain disappeared. 
The nurse held her up and asked me to identify the sex of my baby, before cutting the umbilical cord and placing my baby on my chest.
Usually this is the moment where mothers cry at the sight of their newborns, right ? And you would expect a crybaby like me to wail, right ?
Believe it or not, I didn't shed a tear ! I was so exhausted, I just smiled. Haha.
Mr. Sunshine held baby Khayla and recited the azan. It was such a beautiful picture ! :)

Alhamdulillah, Khayla and I were discharged from the hospital the following Sunday afternoon and made our way back to Batu Pahat with Mr. Sunshine and mum in-law on Monday morning. :)

Am currently at my in-laws, and will be staying here until the end of my confinement period, InshaAllah.

I'll leave you all with a photo of our baby Khayla at 5 days old.

Ramadhan blessing: Having Mr. Sunshine here with me for the first half of my confinement period. Alhamdulillah.

xoxo

and her name is...

Dian Khayla binti Mohd Syafiq

Dian - "Light, Cahaya"

Khayla - "Beautiful, Cantik"

My Beautiful Light with her Ayah a.k.a Mr. Sunshine. :)

Ramadhan blessing: Seeing my daughter smile in her sleep. Subhanallah. :)

xoxo

hello everyone..

..I have finally arrived !

After 21 hours of labour and 4-minutes of pushing (my Mummy's awesome !), Mummy has safely delivered me into this world !
I was born at Hospital Sultanah Nur Zahirah, Kuala Terengganu at exactly 0859 hours, weighing 2.56 kilograms (I know, I'm pretty tiny, so I guess all that weight Mummy gained was hers after all, haha !) and I was a champion because I pooped and peed immediately after I popped out !
Ayah has told Mummy to wait until he announces my name 'officially' (his exact words), but Mummy is so anxious to let everyone know, she keeps asking Ayah every 5 minutes, "Bila boleh bagi tahu niiiii ??"

As much that I am excited to grow up, at the time being I am focusing on keeping Mummy awake all night to feed me. Nyums.
Until next time, bye !

xoxo (Mummy says this means hugs and kisses)

week 38 update.

I have just entered my 38th week of pregnancy. Alhamdulillah...

...and I think I just lost my mucus plug.

Menstrual-like cramps accompanied my sleep last night, and when I woke up to prepare sahur at about 0440 hours, I noticed blood-tinged mucus on my pantyliner. TMI, sorry, haha.
I panicked for a bit and woke Mr. Sunshine up, but then continued to prepare our sahur.
We had sardine sandwiches.

I panicked when I realized that I hadn't washed the baby's bedsheet, pillow & bolster cases, so I immediately put them to wash after sahur.
I changed my pantyliner for Subuh prayers and after that, told Mr. Sunshine to get some sleep, just in case I had to go into labour soon.

As for me, I wasn't experiencing any pain, just slight menstrual-like discomfort, but I was sweating out of nervousness, and I couldn't go back to sleep ! I texted Lene to let her know what's going on.

Then at around 0640 hours, I remember that I haven't charged my camera's battery. How to take photos of my baby ?? Haha. So of course, I put my camera battery to charge.

At 0730 hours, I went to the hospital, punched in for work and went straight to the maternity ward. The nurse did a vaginal exam (VE) on me, and told me I wasn't dilated yet. "Baru buka sebesar tip of the finger." was what she said. So I chose to go home first, and was given the day off by my boss. Mr. Sunshine is here with me, he took an emergency leave.

By the way, the VE was an unpleasant experience. Hehe.

So here I am, at home. I've told Daddy, mum in-law, and my best friends and they're all praying for me. :)

Feeling pretty sleepy right now. I've noticed painless irregular contractions, but they could be Braxton Hicks. So I'm just gonna wait until my waterbag ruptures or when I get more frequent (and painful) contractions.
I could be like a fellow blogger, Dina, who had her bloody show last Saturday, yet still no sign of labour progressing until now.

I'm just praying, and waiting.
Pray for me ya ! :)

Ramadhan blessing: Celebrating 13 years of beautiful friendship with my best friend, Akhir. MashaAllah.

xoxo

lizard dreams.

Good morning everyone. :)
It's another beautiful Ramadhan morning !

Since it's just the two of us, sahur for Mr. Sunshine and I have always been simple. I would either fry some rice, fry eggs and sausages or make french toast etc etc.
This morning I made chocolate chip pancakes. :)

Fasting was a bit of a challenge for me yesterday, I felt extremely weak and by the time I got back home from work, I was literally shaking and had to lie down.
What's amazing was that Mini Mel was super active the whole day yesterday.
It's as though she was telling me that she's alright and giving me strength to continue fasting. :)
And that's what I did. Alhamdulillah.

Last night as I was wiping my face before going to bed, a baby lizard jumped on my arms ! I pushed it off and it landed on my towel. I assumed it was there the whole while and I was the one 'invading its territory'. I vigorously shook my towel, but it didn't budge for a good one minute or so. When it finally did, images of it crawling into my ears, nose and other body cavities of mine haunted me.
I had trouble falling asleep !

This morning I hesitated for a bit before touching my towel.
Now that I think about it, I think I'm gonna put it to wash. Hmm.

Mr. Sunshine came home with a surprise yesterday.

A Sweet Cherry SCR7 Carrier Carseat !
Wheee !
He has been scouting for a baby carseat/stroller for quite some time now. :)
Thank you sayang !
Now let's pray our baby will have no problems adjusting to being in the seat. Hehe.

Ramadhan blessing: Still having the energy to go to work and not have gastric attacks. Alhamdulillah.

xoxo